Saturday, June 02, 2007

People: Can't live with 'em, can't nerve gas the lot of 'em...

So the latest banner ads I'm seeing splashed around cyberspace invite you to click on them and, I quote, "calculate the name of your perfect lover."

Folks, if you answer one of those ads and actually date anyone it tries to hook you up with, do us all a favor and make sure that no offspring result, okay? We're trying to improve the breed here, not select for gullibility genes. Anybody who thinks the name of their perfect soulmate can be "calculated" probably thinks Oprah's book club offers things worth reading (and moves their lips when they do.)

7 comments:

pdb said...

You know, call me crazy, but I tried one of those things. I got my own name!

What could it mean?!

Marko said...

So whereinnahell can I find Izabela Prrzfyyxk? Phone book comes up empty.

Marko said...

pdb,

it means that fulfilling sex with your soulmate is never more than an arm's reach away, I guess.

Squeaky Wheel said...

I have to speak up for the Oprah's book club books...

She'll choose any book that she thinks will sell, because she gets money for the endorsement. There's no formula for why she picks a book, which is why you find really shitty chick-lit books next to honest-to-goodness treasure trove-filled pages. Assuming that people who read books that happen to have Oprah's Book Club emblazoned on the front cover are stupid isn't entirely accurate. She's got her grubby paws on so many books that you'd be hard-pressed to not read at least one book "recommended" by her in a years' time if you read as much as I do.

Paul Simer said...

Ads? What ads?

It's been over a year since I've seen a banner ad.

Firefox + Adblock Plus + Flashblock. I don't even see the annoying flash-over ads.

TD said...

When you find her, make sure you run her through the online pregnancy tester so you know what you're getting into.

Matt G said...

Too late, Tamara--

Every major newspaper publishes horoscopes, which frighteningly many turn to first every morning to read.

Astrology: it ends with "ology," so we KNOW it's a science.


(It hurts my head when I roll my eyes that hard.)