Friday, June 13, 2008

The lawnmowing conundrum.

The monsoon season has transformed the front lawn at Roseholme Cottage from the usual scruffy patch of grass one sees in front of the wee bungalows in streetcar suburbs to a verdant fast-growth jungle from which can be heard the call of the cockatoo and the cough of the hunting leopard. (Well, the Broad Ripple street leopard, which bears an astonishing resemblance to felis domesticus.) The grass at which one was chanting "Grow! Grow! Grow!" just weeks ago now draws cries of "Stop already!" as you pull the mower out for the second trim of the week.

With the front lawn on the east side of the house, the situation becomes dicey. Do you mow in the morning, before temperatures have peaked, and get your albino skin char-broiled by the direct rays of the pre-noon sun? Or do you wait until 4:30 or 5:00, when the front lawn is largely in the shade, but the air temperature has reached a sticky 90 degrees? (Side Question: How in Vishnu's name did I ever do yardwork before the invention of the iPod? Was I really making fun of these wunnerful gadgets just a few months ago?)

There's one ray of sunshine in the process: Our neighbor, who is as sweet and friendly as the day is long, is a fervent, politically-active Democrat. As a matter of fact, not being good with names, that's how she's known in my internal monologue or conversations with my roomie: "I was chatting with The Democrat today..." The acoustic mower just wasn't cutting it anymore, no pun intended, so I've transitioned to the electric for the remainder of monsoon season. A couple of weekends ago, it being the first time I'd ever used an electric mower, I was tying myself up in the mower's extension cord in the front yard. The Democrat saw this, and asked if I'd like to use her gas mower. I looked at her steadily and, doing my best to keep a tone of supercilious piety out of my voice, said "Thanks, but this one's so much greener." Ahhhh. So that's how Prius drivers feel...

23 comments:

Steve Skubinna said...

I understand that the electrical power where you are is generated by burning baby harp seals and polar bear cubs.

Tam said...

One can only hope.

Maybe logs from old-growth rain forest, with the spotted owl chicks still in them.

staghounds said...

I'm glad you are practicing safer mowing.

But remember, conundrums do not prevent the spread of all photosynthetically transmitted diseases.

And yes, I know it's conundrae.

Alan said...

I prefer Round Up.

After a few applications you won't have to worry about mowing at all.

BobG said...

Over the years I have been slowly ripping out lawn and planting flowers instead.

ben c said...

Alan is right on. Get the big jug of Round-up, and mix it to about 1/4 strength. Spray lawn lightly.

Won't kill it outright, but it sure doesn't grow as fast as it used to....

Billy Beck said...

Goats.

Tam said...

Sadly, George the Auto-Fellating Goat was left behind in TN.

Dr. StrangeGun said...

Seriously, can nobody find an invasive weed that has skinny, bright green leaves and only grows 4" tall?

Anonymous said...

Hey, no dissing electric mowers.

Quieter.
Way less maintenance.
No funky smells
Too easy to start..
Once you get used cord handling, that's not an issue. (mow. away. from. the. cord.)

Ok, so if you have 2 acres they aren't practical, but hey, I don't.

the pawnbroker said...

acoustic...that's pretty damn funny...jtc

Farmer Frank said...

Round-Up is manufactured and marketed by that denizen of Evil -- Monsanto!

Try generic, it works just as well and the money goes to a better place.

All The Best,
Frank W. James

Mark@C said...

Steve, you still sailing west? I'm stuck at Earle for the next month...

"The Democrat"... If there is only one, you've a good chance of controlling the infection.

Steve Skubinna said...

Yep, Mark, still west coast, made Third Officer. So farting through silk. On leave now, I'll watch for you in the e-mail address book when I get back afloat.

Rabbit said...

1).Pave it.

2).Paint it green.

Regards,
Rabbit.

Joseph said...

Here in San Antonio (No rain since...ummm...can't remember) brown is the new green.

Tam said...

This is the Midwest. There's ample rain, and the soil is so fertile that you could plant nuts and bolts and harvest a tractor.

Corn as high as an elephant's eye by the Fourth of July...

Breda said...

push mower?

(but aren't they all?)

Don Gwinn said...

Funny you should mention that, Tamara. We're about six hours due west of you here, and there used to be a truck farm over in Taylorville. Until last year or so, you could see trucks emerging from the ground at one of the auto dealerships. Red ones.

I think they might have had an EPA problem.

Old Grouch said...

"I understand that the electrical power where you are is generated by burning baby harp seals and polar bear cubs."

COAL, baby! More acid rain for those uppity New England liberals! Hah.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

You knew a Tennessee goat named George that would fellate cars?

Let me check google...

Yup, there's another image I can never un-see.

Kristopher said...

Cut it short.

Run a de-thatcher blade over it, and rake off the wreckage.

Sow it thick with Dutch White Clover seeds.

Put a thin ( 1/8th inch ) layer of potting soil over it, and then use a roller to press it all down.

Water once a week during the dry part of the summer.

Next year you will have a lawn that will never get higher than 6 inches ... and has little or no grass in it.

B&N said...

"Sadly, George the Auto-Fellating Goat was left behind in TN."

I thought his name was Barbeque?