Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Zing!

Holly at The Pervocracy has a wicked sense of humor when it comes to dismantling Cosmo every month, but she was just over-the-top hilarious this time 'round. It was tough picking the money quote, but here's a good one:
I'd been with my boyfriend for a year when I told him that I'd been faking orgasms the entire time we'd been together. It really hurt him, and he got mad. We haven't broken up, but we also haven't had sex for weeks. What can I do to make him want me again?
"Dear Cosmo: I lied constantly to someone who trusted me, then threw his sexual insecurities in his face. I'd like to experience no consequences. Can this be arranged?"
You'll laugh so hard you'll cry. Promise.

14 comments:

Turk Turon said...

Maybe all that dude needs a double-dose of TMI.

Steve Skubinna said...

I have to conclude that Cosmo is geared towards incredibly stupid women, assuming that the cover is representative of the articles within. Every issue features a groundbreaking investigative expose of what men really want. From sex.

Damn, and here all we guys have striven so hard to be mysterious and enigmatic concerning sex. If there exists a grown woman unsure of what men wantm physically, she;s too damn stupid to read it in Cosmo.

TD said...

Women can have orgasms? Really?

Reno Sepulveda said...

>>>>Rudyard freakin' Kipling! <<<<

Kipling! Jeez you learn something new every day.

CGHill said...

I don't know. I've never actually kipled.

Turk Turon said...

Maybe I should just stick to books, red wine and ammunition.

staghounds said...

Funny stuff!

She's right about the old version. I have one from like 1912 or so, including adverts by Colt, S&W, and H&R.

Billy Beck said...

"No matter how cute she is, somebody, somewhere, is sick and tired of putting up with her bullshit."

(Ancient Daisy Hollow proverb)

phlegmfatale said...

You're right: I love her.

Anonymous said...

You faked all your orgasms?

Too bad honey, all mine were great!
Maybe you should speak up next time.

1894C said...

As a testament to Tam's gunnie goodness, the phrase "when it comes to dismantling Cosmo every month" made me think the link related to removing Cosmoline from a firearm.

LOL!

Kristopher said...

Cosmo is a good guide for men who want to pick-up neurotic Cosmopolitan readers.

Read the articles in order to recognized the crap that Cosmo readers believe works. Then give them the answers they had been told to look for.

It's like using a walk-through for a computer game.

Tam said...

"It's like using a walk-through for a computer game."

LOL! :D

Steve Skubinna said...

Okay, Kristopher, that's worthwhile advice.

Well, it would be if I wanted an insecure, neurotic girlfriend.