Friday, December 04, 2009

Okay, that was surreal.

So I dreamed last night that a temporary agency had sent me to a temp job as the starting quarterback for one of those imaginary NFL teams that show up in dreams and Disney movies, the Anytown Meerkats or the Smallville Ocelots or whatever.

Further, in dreams there's apparently no spring training or whatever it is they do in football, you just show up on the day of the big game, with serious trepidations, and tell the coach "Uh, I think there's been a big, big mistake here. They sent you a forty year-old chick. I could write what I know about football on the back of a postage stamp. Longhand. With a Sharpie. I'm going to get killed out there on the first snap."

Except they were all like "No, no, go on. It'll be fine. You'll do great."

Thankfully I woke up before any serious televised humiliation or grievous bodily harm occurred.

This is possibly the weirdest variation on the "Public Speaking In Your Underwear" dream I have ever experienced.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have football dreams too, but it involves me, Peyton Manning and a hot tub. Oh, there's a choir of angels, but I only hear them.

Shootin' Buddy

Tam said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

staghounds said...

You get underwear?

Ambulance Driver said...

Maybe you should try out for the Raiders or the Browns. You'd probably be better than any of their quarterbacks.

Nathan said...

You'd have been fine. You'd have been throwing bullets.

og said...

Wasn't Grievous Bodily Harm one of the stand-in four horsemen of the apocalypse?

Most of my bad dreams involve the accordion. And sometimes, bagpipes. If I'm really verklemmt, it's bagpipes and accordions.


Though, after giving myself a fat lip with a garden rake yesterday, that may all change.

Anonymous said...

Vision of TAM inthe line up yerlling out commands she just memorized and then yeliing out, "listen up you 350lb mooks, I gotta, big ass gun here and you ain't bulletproof."

"First QB in histry to literally walk 50 yards to victory."

William said...

That's just hysterical.

I had a student who played pro football. She is now an orthopedic surgeon. And she looked like Tam.

Hmmmmmm.

William the Coroner

Lifebeingblogged said...

I had the same dream and you threw for 450 yards, 6 touchdowns and scrambled for two more. When you got in the locker foom, all the players took off their helments and had long cascades or blonde hair.

Baker M. Romeo said...

Yo, Peyton, I'm really happy for you, and I'ma let you finish, but Tam is the best quarterback of all time. Of all time!

Will Brown said...

Wait a minute, you were playing tackle football in your underwear!?! Where were you when I was only 38 (and last played football)?*

:)

*I know, buying your first beer legally, that's where.

D.W. Drang said...

Wait a minute, you were playing tackle football in your underwear!?! We have a lingerie football team locally...

Major source of revenue for the silly indoor arena suburbanville built, the farm-league ice hockey team sure ain't bringing it in...

WV: talingly. Talingly, the fire department has no trouble getting EMTs to work OT at the lingerie league football games...

DirtCrashr said...

Never had a football dream, but I had a real scary one last night where I had a job! Fortunately I wasn't and didn't have to do anything.

David said...

Be thankful it was just a dream, a few decades ago while I was in college, a series of bets, dares and a moment abject stupidity landed me it the middle of walk-on tryouts for the University football team.

Four hours later I was scooting through a few holes in the line and racking up 3 consecutive 20 - 25 yrd runs and eventually a touchdown against the starting defense.

My afternoon ended with the coach offering me a spot on the team, followed closely by the middle linebacker knocking me out cold on the field. I turned down the offer and went back to being an engineering student.

To this day I believe that linebacker probably saved my life.

DJ said...

My analysis of your dream:

It's your subconscious mind telling you that you exude such confidence, that all you have to do to convince other people of your competence in any task is to just show up, and be Tam.

Now if you could just get Tam to believe it...

"I used to rollllll the dice, feel the fear in my enemies' eyes..."

reflectoscope said...

Og wins.

Jim

Mark said...

Wait.... You? 40? 29 Maybe 31, but no way do I believe 40. :p