So there's this pair of local podiatrists who have an ad about using a magic new gizmo that gets rid of the heartbreak of toenail fungus. These commercials bother me on a number of levels, and not least because the doctors in question are kinda creepy-looking in their own right.
We see two sets of lower legs on the screen against a blank white backdrop: One obviously belonging to a woman, and the other to a dude. Now, apparently the dude is afflicted with the heartbreak of toenail fungus, because we hear the off-screen voice of the woman say "Eewwww!" with a level of repugnance somewhere between "Is that a booger hanging from your nose?" and "I just found a dead mouse in the silverware drawer."
Next we are treated to a short spiel by Dr. Zombie and Dr. Pornstache about the virtues of their zap-o-tronic Fungus-B-Gone machine, before the image returns to the same four lower limbs. The dude's fungus must have gotten zapped now, because the chick, instead of being repulsed, is making noises like she just fell headfirst into a giant swimming pool full of chocolate-covered strawberries and is rubbing one of her feet up and down the dude's shin in a fashion that indicates that she is within about thirty seconds of decorating her cupcakes right there on screen.
People, if you are dating somebody whose opinion of you is that strongly influenced by whether or not you have toenail fungus, just let them go, because you do not want to be trapped in the same house with that person, especially by some complex legal agreement like a marriage and joint bank accounts.
But at least what the good doctors are pimping is a simple zap-o-tronic type treatment. Had it been from the pharmaceutical industry, the commercial would have featured some stilted, never-happen-in-the-real-world conversation between two actors about the ups and downs of seeing your doctor about a prescription for Sporacil®, while a voiceover explains that, while Sporacil® is successful at mediating the effects of toenail fungus in 56% of test subjects, known side-effects include sudden incontinence, baldness, suicidal thoughts, irritable bowel syndrome, and spontaneous bleeding from the eyeballs; people who use oxygen or ride in elevators should let their doctors know before taking Sporacil®; use only as directed.
You know, were I faced with a choice of toenail fungus or having to wear adult diapers, I think I'd learn to live with the green toenails.
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You forgot two of my favorite 'side-effects' (at least on late-nught TV ads), heart stoppage, and the ever popular anal leakage...
If you and your partner cannot suffer one anothers fungi, bodily emissions, and bathroom habits, you might well want to think about getting a dog.
I get that some people's level of sharing vs oversharing is variable. If you're not even close, it's the worst kind of mixed marriage. I mean, it's like a snap capper and a non snap capper sharing a range bag. (Duck & run)
We'll be married 50 years in 9 days, toe fungus and all. Thank God she's not a shooter. We'd probably argue about .45 ACP vs 9mm for self defense, and she'd win.
Minus ten points for mustache bigotry.
The pharmacist in the town I grew up compounded some hideous brown concoction for any pedicular growth abnormality, up to and especially including what is euphemistically called 'athlete's foot'. His son carried on the tradition and I suspect the grandson, my age, does as well. Stank like the largest cesspit of hell, it did. Would bleach and denature leather when exposed to it overnight without drying. Scorched broken skin like napalm.
Cleared that shit up in about a day, too. Honestly. I've seen it do it. If you're man enough to use it (there), it was a positive remedy for jock itch as well.
I bought a bottle from under the counter about 10 years ago from the father; said he 'can't make it any more due to regs'. I suspect he cn't obtain enough fissile materials.
I'll have to look up the grandson to see if they still have any around.
Minus ten points for mustache bigotry
Oh no, she said Pornstache, which as is commonly accepted by a consensus of the peer reviewed scientific community is a separate species of the genus mustache. Said species is generally considered to be an invasive species and a verminous pest.
+10 for the giddy joy I have bursting within me for the days/weeks/months I'll have to await for the exact right moment to use "ready to decorate her cupcakes" in polite conversation.
I don't know. I don't wear adult diapers because I have to, but because they are so much more convenient.
Apparently Vicks Vap-o-rub can work wonders. If nothing else, your feet will breathe easily all night long.
Never heard of this fungus before the TV ads began. Maybe using soap and water on a halfway-regular basis has something to do with my lack of a problem. Changing socks from time to time is probably a help, as well...
Art
The Lamisil commercials give me hives. *shiver*
FTB: "because we hear the off-screen voice of the woman say "Eewwww!" with a level of repugnance somewhere between "Is that a booger hanging from your nose?" and "I just found a dead mouse in the silverware drawer."
Tam, I'm having a slow start today, which of these 2 is the lesser evil and which the greater?
had an ex who used to swear by Gyne Lotrimin. Said the active ingredients in the cooch variety were far more effective for some reason. (I can completely understand how you'd WANT them to be, at least) but she completely cured her athelete's foot and toenail fungus in a scant few applications.
Gave whole new meaning to "pussy-footing around"
Sorry, I couldn't not.
My ex-sweety consulted a podiatrist about her toenail fungus. He told her that most people, after they achieve a certain age, also achieve toenail fungus. She told me that she'd told him that she'd read about some guaranteed cure for the thing. He said back to her, "Let me know how that works; nothing else does."
P.s. There is one thing which works, and that is ripping the nail out and saturating the nail bed with fungicide. I think I'd want anaesthetic for that.
Tam, you owe the company a keyboard and maybe a monitor.
Dr. Strangedoc is pleased to announce ze latest in ze trrreatment of toenail fungus vit ze openink of two new clinics vit two new prrrrrrotocols.
Ze first offers a qvick, painless surgical prrrocedure to rid ze costomer of unsightly toenail fungus, unt ze second is ze top line in organic trrrreatments ve call ze "longk marrch" prrrotocol, Alaska airlines ticket prrrice included.
Both rrrremarkable new prrrotocols are built arrround ze seemple premise zat vun vit no toes has little prrroblem vit nail fungus, ya?
Oh, and Rabbit:
your compounded cream was probably just sulfur powder in a binder of some sort. Sulfur works *fantastically" against all kind of skin nasties, anything biologically 'wet' will hydrolyze with it and form acids, pretty biologically unsuitable environment. You do too to some degree but being 'desert' creatures as we are we've got that nifty water barrier built into our skin (which will start coming up too, in time).
Only problem is, as you know, the god-awful stench. I whipped up some sulfur soap not too long ago and broke a cardinal rule of not sitting around the house a while and showering before dressing and doing something else. The T-shirt I wore that day (used it on my arms) had been through 4 washings and still smells a little of hot burning tires. Took care of the dry skin though, in one try. I bought a pound of USP powdered sulfer online a couple years ago for many purposes, that being the biggest use, but also handy for any use you've got for sulfur dioxide (the original bug fumigant *and* a handy dry bleach).
That is Pratchett-esque writing right there.
Well I will tell you what works permanently. Have the nails removed, and the nail root burned so the nail wont come back. (granted my condition was quite bad) Did all ten of mine that way. No problems now. Wish I would have done it 10 years earlier. I havent had very many medical procedures, but I will say that this has been the best investment I have made to date.
The Zap-o-matic sounds simply like ultra violet light.
People who use tanning beds regularly have a distinct lack of surface fungus...
I did my senior research on ways to kill fungi, they are tricky little buggars from a biochem standpoint. Even though fungi have cell walls we don't have a class of drugs that affect the cell wall yet, only drugs that prevent the epoxidation of squalene which makes the cell membrane leaky. And squalene itself will build to toxic levels.
Ah, the glory days of studying squalene epoxidase inhibitors....
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