When you become a Gaia-huggin' PETAphile, do they remove your irony gland for free, or do they make you pay to get that done?
Meanwhile, I suddenly have a craving for sushi.
RX: (emerging from her room) "Did a windmill catch fire at Chelsea Clinton's wedding? Like a free-floating windmill they were using to generate power?"
Me: "Huh? No."
RX: "Oh. That part must have been a dream then."
"...seeking legal advice to see what my options are and the appropriates actions to take from this point on."You know, I've had a few out-of-battery incidents with .22 self-loaders before, but I've never had one cause such psychic trauma that I had to whinge to the entire internet about the experience and threaten to hire legal representation.
"I did a quick check on myself...not a scratch!! but that hot gas felt like someone threw sand on my face and hans[sic]."It sounds like that sand all landed in his underthings.
The House ethics committee on Thursday accused veteran Rep. Charles Rangel of 13 violations of House rules involving alleged financial wrongdoing and harming the credibility of Congress.You can stop right there.
The charges accused the 20-term Democrat from New York...
"In general, officers should seek the approval of an official prior to making any forcible entry," police spokeswoman Gwendolyn Crump told The Washington Examiner.By the time the entire Keystone Cops farce outside had resolved itself, the bad guy had already finished playing Cuisinart with the occupants and turned his knife on himself. Unfortunately, he did a piss-poor job of suicide and put us through all the annoyance and expense of a trial. And now the po-po are being sued, which we'll also get to pay for.
RX: "I decided to get clever and light a match, you know, to help out the air freshener. Now it smells like I set a bouquet of flowers on fire in an outhouse."
Me: "I'm sorry, but I have to put that on the internets."
The preliminary injunction, issued Wednesday, means that, at least for now, police are prevented from questioning people's immigration status if there is reason to believe they are in the country illegally."If there is reason to believe"? Do you mean articulable suspicion? Like the guy has a Mexican Consular ID card hanging out of his pocket? Or do you mean probable cause, like, oh... say he's actually busy climbing down the U.S. side of the border fence, and the Mexican CID card falls out of his pocket, and you arrest him for littering. Does that mean you can't ask him what he was doing halfway down the fence in the first place?
The Violence Policy Center and The Brady Campaign quickly marched lockstep with the talking point that someone going through bankruptcy is more likely to be stressed and start killing people. There’s no proof of that, they just say it.Ouch.
Of course, I guess they’d both know a bit about the mindset of someone facing bankruptcy.
"That is the worst shaving accident I've ever worked. I don't think I've ever before seen a man accidentally cut his own throat to the bone three times with an electric razor."Suing mob hitmen is a business model that makes that of The Underpants Gnomes look brilliant and well thought-out.
Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank caused a scene when he demanded a $1 senior discount on his ferry fare to Fire Island's popular gay haunt, The Pines, last Friday. Frank was turned down by ticket clerks at the dock in Sayville because he didn't have the required Suffolk County Senior Citizens ID. A witness reports, "Frank made such a drama over the senior rate that I contemplated offering him the dollar to cool down the situation."How big of a scene do you have to make for the folks on Fire Island to look at you and say "Stop being such a drama queen, Mary!"?
"Social Security is the most successful social program in the history of the world," -Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)I'll take "Damning with faint praise" for $500, Alex.
Under a proposal to be released today, vocational programs in which a large share of students don't earn enough to pay back their loans would be required to disclose debt burdens and could become ineligible for federal financial aid dollars.I see. They're worried about people going to school to actually learn how to do something, such as hook up a router, empty a bedpan, or change a timing belt. They're afraid that these won't have a big payoff, since at the end, all you have is an auto mechanic or an IT drone. I can't come up with a better snarky rejoinder than Coyote's:
The proposal covers training programs of less than two years that provide credentials for careers in fields such as the culinary arts, medical support and automotive technology.
Americans were confident and believed they could get the job done, the job that was in front of them. It wasn’t always true and it didn’t always work, but people were not constantly afraid of eating the wrong food or saying the wrong thing or running into the twerps who had something to say about it.
But with no set plans of launching astronauts into orbit from U.S. soil after the final trip to the International Space Station slated for February 2011, Ferguson and others in the space world are anxious.Help us Obama-wan Kenobi! You're our only hope!
In addition to fretting about funding and jobs, they wonder if the government is losing an initiative that engages the next generation of engineers and mathematicians.
"If we aren't doing things that inspire them, we'll suffer from the creative standpoint," he said.
RX: "Shootin' Buddy called while we were out."
Me: "There's nothing on the answering machine. Wait, my cell phone is beeping. He left voicemail. Why does he leave voicemail? I don't even know how to work it. I hate voicemail. I barely like talking on the phone. I like to see people with my eyes and talk to them with my mouth."
RX: "You spend half your day communicating with people on the internet."
Me: "That's different. That's writing."
RX: "You could text him."
Me: (Getting increasingly red-faced and agitated) "No! If I am going to write to someone, I am going to write to them. In complete sentences. With punctuation. I am going to use the English language like Shakespeare and Milton by-gawd intended for it to be used, and I am damned well going to make it sit up and jump through little flaming hoops while I am at it! I am not going to be reduced to poking at buttons on a cell phone with my thumbs, turning out crap that looks like it was disgorged by an illiterate devolved protosimian fifth grader!" (*pant*pant*)
RX: "That's going on the internet. If you don't put it there, I will."
The people and property located on the greater expanse of the Gulf Coast are sitting at Ground Zero. They will be the first exposed to poisonous, cancer causing chemical gases. They will be the ones that initially experience the full fury of a methane bubble exploding from the ruptured seabed.So let me get this straight: After the supersonic tsunami has washed your corpse a hundred miles inland and lightning-ignited methane fireballs have charred the flesh from your bones and set the very atmosphere alight, then the chemicals will give you cancer?!?
"Now, this is da Vinci's Mona Lisa. It looks like... well... you know what a smiling woman looks like? No, wait, you said you've been blind since birth. Anyhow, it's a girl, and she's smiling. And this over here... no, over here... is Van Gogh's Roses and Sunflowers. It's, uh, some flowers. And over here..."
Let's start with the bad guys. Battalions of stormtroopers dressed in all black, check. Secret police, check. Determination to brutally kill everyone who doesn't look like them, check. Leader with a tiny villain mustache and a tendency to go into apopleptic rage when he doesn't get his way, check. All this from a country that was ordinary, believable, and dare I say it sometimes even sympathetic in previous seasons.Read the whole thing, as long as you're someplace you won't get in trouble for laughing out loud...
I wouldn't even mind the lack of originality if they weren't so heavy-handed about it. Apparently we're supposed to believe that in the middle of the war the Germans attacked their allies the Russians, starting an unwinnable conflict on two fronts, just to show how sneaky and untrustworthy they could be? And that they diverted all their resources to use in making ever bigger and scarier death camps, even in the middle of a huge war? Real people just aren't that evil. And that's not even counting the part where as soon as the plot requires it, they instantly forget about all the racism nonsense and become best buddies with the definitely non-Aryan Japanese.
It’s all down hill from here. Sooner than you think, dead tree books will be a niche market for collectors and art books. Electronic book readers are already free for all general purpose computing platforms and dedicated readers are nosediving in price.I've noticed a strong upsurge in e-book sales through the Amazon doohicky in my sidebar in the last several months, so this doesn't actually come as a total surprise.
American law enforcement procedures have never been designed to control large groups of citizens in rebellion, but to protect the social structure against specifically criminal acts, or persons. The underlying assumption has always been that the police and the citizens form a natural alliance against the evil and dangerous crooks, who should certainly be arrested on sight and shot if they resist.The book was published in 1966, but the mood is uncannily modern. All you need to do to move some of the quotes from various government officials, such as the mayor of Laconia, forty-some years into the future is substitute "terrorists" and "Homeland Security" for "communists" and "Civil Defense"
There are indications, however, that this "natural alliance" might be going the way of the Maginot Line. More and more often the police are finding themselves in conflict with whole blocs of the citizenry, none of them criminals in the traditional sense of the word, but many as potentially dangerous - to the police - as any armed felon.
No one likes paying taxes. But tonight the FBI is reporting a troubling uptick in violence by some anti-tax groups going to extreme measures to protest government.The commercials for the local TeeWee station's Special Investigative Report showed, not fringe extremists, but stock footage of Ma and Pa Kettle waving their Tea Party signs on the statehouse lawn, which is practically the same as plotting to target "police officers and judges and Governors," after all.
Arizona will receive most of the forces with 524 troops, while Texas will get 250, California 224 and New Mexico just 72, officials said Monday. Additional troops will perform administrative work.Stop laughing.
RX: "'Chimp. The other white meat!' no, no, wait... 'Chimp: The other long pig!'"I'm fairly certain she's mostly harmless. Mostly.
There is, however, a catch: Whenever you are reading an AAR, be aware that trainers and companies understand the potential marketing value of AAR’s, so don’t necessarily take the AAR at face value. Beware the guy who seems to have trained primarily with one particular trainer or school, as he might be more of a groupie than a customer. The most useful reviews are generally produced by individuals who have a significant training background with a number of different instructors, especially armed professionals who have been at it a while.Beware the man with one trainer, as he has probably been successfully marketed to.
Yeah, that’ll do wonders for the productivity of the United States, idiot. How about abolishing modern medical care and going back to having a barber bleed you to ‘release the bad spirits’ and occasionally throwing a leech your way. It makes about as much sense. Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and head off to East Timor and give it a whirl, ass.
McWherter stopped short of saying he supported having a similar bill in Tennessee. Further, he didn't place blame on the people who are illegally crossing, but the Federal Government, whose job it is to deal with immigration policy, and the employers who hire illegals.
This is an important distinction. Its one thing to say that the Federal Government has failed in its duty to protect the borders, but quite another to say that we should build a legal moat filled with alligators around the state.
Me: Why can't I buy a car on Sunday in Indiana?
RX: Because Jesus never bought a car on Sunday.
zomg i'm at the grocery store
now i'm home again
it's really hot outside
i like pie