Friday, June 22, 2012

This is the end, beautiful friend, the end...

Wait, there is a grown man in America who is willing to put his hand on a Bible and swear in a court of law that he got beat up by Justin Bieber?

This is a new nadir for my country. You start letting yourself get pushed around by beardless Canadians, and the sharks are definitely going to smell blood in the water. There's no telling where this'll all end, but we'll be kowtowing to French tourists in Speedos and fanny packs before you know it if Something is not Done, and soon.

20 comments:

Robert Fowler said...

Damn, we're in the end times now.

Living in Babylon said...

If that happened to me, I would lie for sure.

"Yeah, it was a whole pack of vicious savate midgets with wiffle bats officer."

John Peddie (Toronto) said...

The personal injury lawyers are counting their share already.

Not the first time someone has abased themselves in the hope of filthy lucre.

Follow the money, no matter where it leads or the shame it brings.

Tam said...

John Peddie,

Oh, I know, but that's just not as funny. ;)

Heck, for the right amount of money, I'd take a fall from... er, whoever's replaced Hannah Montana as the kiddie idoru.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

Don't worry, Bieber will make it up by suing this staircase

Anonymous said...

"kowtowing to French tourists in Speedos and fanny packs"

Thanks for taking me there. Now I need to pour bleach on my mind's eye.

Joe in PNG said...

Maybe the Biebs is a real bad kung-fu MF'er, and our victim's Sneaky Weasel style was no match for Bieber's Autotuned Chipmunk Fu?

Brad K. said...

This is shocking.

They still use a Bible in a court of law? Not only that, but is it legal to use Justin Beiber's name (away from the Wal-Mart poster display) and the Bible in the same sentence? You might as well make a movie about a girl that doesn't want to marry and settle down, and call it "Brave". Wait . .

The movie sounds kind of fun, actually. I like the "kilt flash" scene in the trailer. Makes me want to whack a tree and toss a kaber. With an audience and a kilt. ;-)

.45ACP+P said...

It is a bizare world in which it seems Beiber qualifies for a "man" card.

dave said...

"kowtowing to French tourists in Speedos and fanny packs"

Thanks for taking me there. Now I need to pour bleach on my mind's eye.


Yeah, and economy-class at that. Normally, when knowtowing to the French, one takes Air Force One.

Anonymous said...

So I heard you got your ass handed to you by some Canuck? Who was the dude?

Yea. It was Justin B... I mean it was Gordie Howe! And he had help from George St Pierre!

Gerry

RWC said...

She's purty.

mikee said...

Under the heading of "Don't judge the book by the cover" I recall a high school friend who, when I went off to college, decided to come out of the closet. Way out. He became a tranny singer/dancer. In Charlotte, NC, which in 1977 was not known as San Francisco of the East Coast.

Accosted one night by several drunk rednecks looking to assert their heteronormative biases with fisticuffs, Jim and a fellow dancer took off their high heels and used them quite effectively to impress upon them the error of their thoughtcrimes.

If tranny dancers could beat up stupid folks in 1977, I see no reason Justin Beiber should be limited in his self-defense applications 35 years later.

Damning with faint praise, is what that is.

B.S. philosopher said...

Apparently the kid is really training as a boxer. Seriously. Bantamweight presumably. At any rate I hear the paparazzi had blocked his car in and was harassing his girlfriend. That sounds like an offense totally worth popping someone in the chops over. I hope he doesn't have to pay the slimebag a dime. I'd give the kid a conditional mancard for it.

Anonymous said...

Bieber in the ring:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wiy-pgvxVs&feature=related

Silver the Evil Chao said...

I dunno. Canadians are pretty hardcore. Just a week or two ago, Canadian producer deadmau5, who has described himself as "130 pounds sopping wet with a brick in my pocket" took down a guy so hard (he had stolen his hat) at the end of his performance that the thief had to be admitted to the hospital. And then there's Canadians and hockey...

Anonymous said...

It was really a leprechaun wot did 'im:

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/185016/man-claims-leprechauns-beat-him-up/

Justthisguy said...

On the Speedos and Frenchmen:

The other day I was reading one of my favorite racist misogynist blogs and read a post about the blog- owner attempting to go swimming in a public pool in France. He wore his large, loosely-fitting, baggy American swim trunks into there, but the French lady in charge would not let him into the pool. She was very apologetic to him, understanding that he and his trunks, being American, were squeaky-clean.

She said that, sadly, her own countrymen could not be counted upon to bathe and do laundry regularly, so Speedo-like suits were required on all men, so as to limit the damage from extensive swim-trunk real estate exposed to bacteria.

The nice lady found him a just-washed Speedo in the lost-and-found, so he donned it and was allowed to go swimming.

Jtg thinks: If they are going to require Speedos, they might as well go all the way and require nekkidness.

Justthisguy said...

P.s. I just turned 61 years old, not so long ago, so you betcha I ain't wearing no Goddamned Speedos to go swimming. I'll wear a t-shirt, too, both to save me from sunburn (I am quite pale) and also to spare the children from the sight of the manboobs.

Brad K. said...

@ jtg,

"they might as well go all the way and require nekkidness. "

Lupin Naturist Resort, back in the 1980s, enforced the "no suits" rule with cleanliness -- they had showers everwhere -- as one of the justifications. Otherwise they were "clothing optional". It was a family oriented, no hanky-panky haven for social nude recreation. Lots of tennis, volleyball, and swimming.