Tuesday, July 08, 2014

If I never eat another hard-boiled egg again...

...it will be too soon.

Did my annual chicken-tending stint at Castle Frostbite. The ladies of Cluckheim Keep have an egg output more than sufficient for a family of four, and simply overwhelming for a lone house-sitter.

On the surface, chickens are pretty ordinary animals. Amusing, none too brave or bright, and tasty when battered and fried...

...but if one looks hard at a group of them tearing into a lobster dinner, it's not hard to imagine what it would be like if they stood ten feet tall. (Pack-hunting omnivorous flightless birds tearing into giant armored sea bugs. It sounds like something out of a D&D game.)
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27 comments:

Charles Lee Scudder said...

I have 5 dozen eggs...I may have miscalculated when selecting my chicken breed and number....

staghounds said...

Their, um, "mating" activity is what grosses me out about chickens.

Kirby Cobb said...

The fact that you would liken these to something from a D&D game just makes my inner-nerd smile.

Robert said...

Lobster flavored chicken? mmmm-MMM! Would you dip those in butter first or is BBQ sauce OK?

Firehand said...

Chickens will eat damn near anything. Ten-footers? Hie thee off and retrieve my fowling piece and buckshot, fast!

Paul said...

Good lead in to a short story? Growth hormones run amok to frighten the climate change artists.

Yrro said...

UtahRaptors *shouldn't* be any less terrifying when I imagine them with beaks and feathers instead of scales and teeth, but somehow they are...

Inbredredneck said...

I vaguely recall a Ray Stevens song about Teenaged Mutant Kung Fu Chickens. If I wasn't on dial up I'd go lookin' for a link.

Heroditus Huxley said...

I refuse to eat free-range chicken or eggs. I grew up around chickens, and I know what those things eat.

They're scavengers. I have, in the past, seen half a dozen hens fighting over a half-rotted snake carcass.

I'll take my chicken products factory raised, thanks.

staghounds said...

Lobsters are after all the cockroach of the sea.

And mm,mmm good!

Firehand said...

Jack LaLanne said when he was a kid on the farm, when a sheep would die they'd throw it in the chicken pen(lots of chickens); by end of the day there'd be bones and wool left.

mikee said...

And only yesterday the Big Chicken in GA was referenced in a friendly way.

armedlaughing said...

10 foot chickens?

Jurassic Cluck? - "clever girl"

gfa

DaddyBear said...

I've become spoiled on farm-raised chicken and eggs. Yes, chickens are disgusting creatures that will eat pretty much anything that would make a vulture heave, but grain fed doesn't hold a candle to the taste of a chicken that had to do a few laps around the yard to catch dinner.

RevolverRob said...

Before I finish my PhD I am going to write a paper on terror birds. They are so awesome. They're like a hipster's dinosaur. Mesozoic dinosaurs are so passé, terror birds are for the discriminating Cenozoic paleontologist.

Also, they have the most AWESOME skulls ever. Seriously, it's like a toucan was raised in a steroid factory and spent its life beating every other animal to death with its GIANT beak.

-Rob

bluesun said...

I once watched my chickens chase down and tear apart a live mouse that got into the chicken shed. Not too far away from velociraptors...

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Where is the like button for this post? :)

Chicken Kaiju. Sounds like a new recipe to me...

NAVIGATOR said...


































FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE GET A COPY OF "THE GREAT HOBOKEN CHICKEN
EMERGENCY" BY D. MANUS PINKWATER THE NOTED AUTHOR OF CHILDREN'S STORIES (CHILDREN OF ALL AGES) IT
INVOLVES A MAD SCIENTIST A GIANT CHICKEN MISGUIDED FOLK OF THE MUNICIPALITY OF HOBOKEN A KID WHO IS FRIENDS WITH THE CHICKEN AND WHO SAVES THE DAY NICE STORY ENJOY !
ALSO CAN RECOMMEND"THE EDUCATION OF ROBERT NIFKIN" "UNCLE BORIS IN THE YUKON" OTHERS










+

Sidheshooter said...

So then, if you cut off a terror bird's head with your +1 vorpal sword, does the remaining 8 or 9 feet continue to run around your back yard for a week?

Anonymous said...

Would a giant chicken cross the road?

Gerry

Anonymous said...

Flightless? No. Unless their wings have been clipped, regular chickens like that can fly fairly well. -- Lyle

Scout26 said...

Congrats on GTFO of Indy and Broad Ripple in particular at the most opportune time. Seems that the good folks from 30what and what have worked their way east.

http://www.indystar.com/story/news/crime/2014/07/05/people-shot-broad-ripple/12242111/

Ed said...

The Fools - "Psycho Chicken" (1980) comes to mind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnBlst3T7bY&feature=kp

Coconut said...

Yrro - think less 'no teeth' and more 'axe blade attached to head'.

Firehand said...

Because it damn well wanted to, Gerry.

Guy I used to work with had a small flock, partly for eggs and partly to keep bugs down around the home. Had one old hen who specialized in mice; would grab it- usually by the tail- and swat on the ground once left, once right, then eat it.

That thing, ten feet tall...

Fred2 said...

The right gun for 10ft chickens... Is mounted on a LAV in a turret and has the word "auto" and "cannon" in it's specs

Sebastian said...

Lobster?!? His chickens eat better than I do!