Tuesday, July 01, 2014

QotD: 20-ft. Flying Predator Edition...

NJT asks how anybody could be in favor of gun control during an invasion of face-eating monkeys:
Super intelligent monkeys at war with us Humans?  I'd think that would be a better argument for universal rifle ownership AND mandatory training.  
They'd be teaching basic marksmanship and small unit tactics by fifth grade Fizz Ed.

Remember: Nothing says "Bad monkey! Don't eat my face!" like a rifle bullet or five.
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20 comments:

Joseph said...

New gunnie catch-phrase "don't bring a handful of your own excrement to a gunfight!"

Oh, and if I get to shoot monkeys, count me in and I'll place the order for the Dillon Aero M134 and a pallet of 7.62mm.

og said...

In "Death in a lonely land" Capstick talks about baboons and being surprised by one while only wearing a sidearm. When I next go to Africa I have a place where I might be able to harvest one myself.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

See?! Tam knows! I don't know why ANYONE likes monkeys. They can rip off your hands. Your hands if you are lucky, gents. Something so bellicose that your face is on their menu is a force to be reckoned with.

Armed Texan said...

Monkeys and apes are not interchangeable. Monkeys have tails, can generally be taken out with a .22, and will betray you to Nazis. Apes have no tails, take at least a .223, and mad scientist are always training/breeding/genetically-modifying them to take over the world when they aren't making sharks with frickin' lasers on their head.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

Whose side are you on, Armed Texan? Ours, or the monkey's?

D.W. Drang said...

NJT: I believe Armed Texan is concerned that proper target identification is critical to a properly scaled response. While the common term "monkey" is often used to refer as well to pongids, I believe that he would probably argue that the correct term is "Damned dirty ape."

tweell said...

A target that dodges and attacks? You can keep your rifle, I'm going with my 12 gauge pump. Good for zombies, good for primates.

Critter said...

Choot em Lizbeth!

Ed said...

NJT wrote:
"I never understood why Human's urge to kill off Neanderthals didn't extend to monkeys."

Uh... No. It was more of a case of making love, not war, with the Neanderthals. It is not "Us"" vs. Them" because "They" are now "Us".

http://discovermagazine.com/2013/march/14-interbreeding-neanderthals

http://news.discovery.com/human/evolution/how-neanderthal-dna-changed-humans-140129.htm

http://www.sci-news.com/othersciences/anthropology/science-neanderthal-genes-modern-human-dna-01734.html

http://humanorigins.si.edu/evidence/genetics/ancient-dna-and-neanderthals/neanderthal-genes-red-hair-and-more

http://science.kqed.org/quest/2008/03/17/explosive-hypothesis-about-humans-lack-of-genetic-diversity/

Kristophr said...

Welp ... it's different from arguing about what calibre to use on bear ...

Goober said...

Og - my friend and mentor shot a baboon while in Africa last time he was there.

The effing teeth on that thing were stupendous. Put his leopard and his hyena to shame.

Goober said...

Never did figure out that franchise. Sort of like the zombie movies. Both genres have completely unarmed opponents, capable of hand-to-hand fighting only, for the most part, taking out the military and every gun owner in America, leaving the world an apocalyptic wasteland.

When I think of a zombie outbreak,I always think it would look more like the scene with Robert Duval in "apocalypse now" complete with napalm and hellfire missiles, and maybe a tank or two thrown into the mix.

The idea that even really, really smart apes could take out humans is silly. Yeah, I know, they're really strong. Whoopee. Don't let one catch you, then, and you'll be fine.

Would some people die in that circumstance? Probably. A few, maybe.

But it wouldn't be the end of civilization. The entire premise of the "rise of" and "dawn of" franchises was absolutely silly, especially given the fact that the original "planet of the apes" was meant to insinuate that HUMANS eliminated THEMSELVES via nuclear war, paving the way for apes to evolve into the dominant species on earth. Not that humans genetically engineered apes, which then revolted and went all "HULK SMASH!" on a few Apache helicopters, and then phase two happened, and phase three was "world domination".

No explanation for how phase two wasn't "and then the humans got into their planes, outfitted with GE mini-guns, and turned all of the apes into pudding in a few seconds, and then napalmed them for good measure"

mikee said...

Roddy McDowell is spinning in his grave right now over the remakes.

NotClauswitz said...

Monkeys are bad-crazy-brain, chimps are worse - but baboons are evil.

Toastrider said...

Heh. The zombies remark reminds me of something.

If you pay attention in the Left 4 Dead games, you will often see flyers that insist that 'firearms are prohibited inside safe rooms' (Safe rooms are checkpoints between chapters in a campaign. In universe, they're basically heavily-reinforced panic rooms).

However, every safe room you will find has a supply of guns and ammo. It's as though when the zombie apocalypse started people looked at those flyers and just said 'Yeah, hell with that.'

CarlosT said...

The math is not on the apes' side. Even if human numbers are greatly reduced, we so outnumber them, any sort of war between us would certainly go in our favor.

There are at most 500,000 Great Apes in the world. Even with a 50% population decrease, the population of human males between 20 and 35 (that is, military age) makes a 1,200 to one ratio. We could assign a battalion to each individual ape in the world. We'd win regardless of how we were armed.

Kristophr said...

Carlos: Apes with flamethrowers?

Gewehr98 said...

We had basic marksmanship classes in 4th grade at my school. The locker room had a backstop at one end. Damned near all of us kids from 4th grade through 8th were competing and earning our NRA Junior Smallbore badges.

We brought our rifles to school. Can you imagine what would happen now if that were done?

Hormel Chavez said...

Humanity has been at war with semi-intelligent monkeys for a very long time. They're called "each other".

Geodkyt said...

Kristophr --

At those force ratios, the humans could be armed with blunt sticks and fist sized rocks and still win.

At worst, you get the flamethrower gunner to expend his fuel. Which doesn't take long. . . and he won't be able to run very fast with empty tanks and short legs. . .

Seriously, though - the reason humans didn't exterminate chimps and the like was that they inhabited very different ecozones -- that's where the major splits in the great ape family tree are, until you get to the splits within humans (we are great apes, too). Heck, THE split that differenciates Pan from Homo (well, technically, either Sahelanthropus or Orrorin, but Homo is all that's left of that lineage) We didn't become a threat to ape populations until population pressure drove us (and accumulated cultural knowledge armed us) to push into their ecozones.