Pennsylvania Man Stole More Than $350K of Human Flesh from HospitalYou have no imagination if you're not envisioning something like the following:
- He's building a '10, '11, '12, '13, '14 person like Dr. Frankenstein assembling Johnny Cash's Cadillac.
- There's some horrible Hannibal's Hamburger franchise running out of his basement, complete with passwords to get in, like a speakeasy or the Hellfire Club.
- All that human flesh is going to be used to... Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fthagn! ...open a portal for some dark god.
(As an aside, your second thought should have been "Who does a reporter call to get the current market price for human flesh? A secret extension at the Chicago Board of Trade?")
It would take an overly broad definition of the word flesh, but my mind immediately went to Fight Club style soap factory.
ReplyDeleteSomeday, I will have the body of an 18 year old again.
ReplyDeleteThis time I'm gonna keep it in a refrigerator.
I can hear the bus ride to Greene now-
ReplyDelete"What are you in for?"
"Murder."
"Arson".
"Rape."
"Stealing $357,000 worth of living human skin."
"I believe we have a new cellblock boss!"
My initial thought was "Hannibal Lecter Cracklings" with sea salt.
ReplyDeleteIt is measured by the pound? Just wondering?
ReplyDeleteIs he making Ed Gein Signature model lampshades?
I don't get it.
gfa
I'm going to take the moral high ground and refuse to make any joke about him having skin in the game.
ReplyDeleteNo skin off my back over what he did.
ReplyDeleteHis attorney suggests the hospital not file a criminal suit. I suggest that he was in his basement making a criminal's suit.
ReplyDeleteThat would be the FLX futures exchange, run by JP Morgan.
ReplyDeleteWhich is rumored to be severely rehypothecated.
Do not buy paper flesh for short or long positions. Insist of physical delivery of your pound of flesh.
Having just finished rereading Weston Ochse's second Seal Team 666 novel, Age of Blood, I was leaning toward your last explanation.
ReplyDeleteOne thing's for sure, you can't claim he didn't have any skin in the game!
ReplyDeleteI'll let myself out...
Err.... Strange... to put it mildly...
ReplyDeleteHasn't the price of a pound of flesh remained fairly stable since about 1600, at one lawyer's life per pound of flesh?
ReplyDeleteHey, blame Shakespeare for the price fixing. I don't deal in pounds of flesh, and I try very hard not to deal with lawyers.
"Horrible Hannibal's Hamburger" franchise??
ReplyDeleteYou might want to trademark that...
I think I ate at that burger joint once.
ReplyDeleteOverrated. Too salty
And yes, that was my other question. Although it was actually my first.
Probably still cheaper than Beef, so I'm going with #2, Alex for $500.
ReplyDeleteMebbe he has a flower shop!
ReplyDeletemacvs2
ReplyDeleteNo place to hide.
They caught him with with dermatic surveillance video.
I feel sorry for the pore victims.
His lawyer, Eugene P. Tinari, said. “But to take this into the criminal arena against a man who has been nothing but hard working and law abiding his entire life is a bit draconian in my view.”
ReplyDeleteIf I ever take up robbing banks, I know who I'm gonna call. . .
"He wants a vest with tits on it." -Dr. Lecter on Mr. Gumb's vestimentary aspirations.
ReplyDeleteSorry, all I could think of was Jame Gumb when I saw this story.
All I am thinking about now is the cheesy disaster parody film The Big Bus. The main character was a disgraced bus driver who got stuck in a mountain pass in a blizzard...
ReplyDelete"You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world!"
'When we had it all stitched together it sure was a sight, there was one arm on the left and two on the right. But when Igor threw the switch all three came on.
ReplyDeleteThe back end looked kinda funny too, but we put it together and when we got thru, we'll that's when we noticed we only had one butt cheek'
It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again.
ReplyDelete"We'll serve anyone, meaning anyone, and to anyone at all!"
ReplyDeleteAt first, this theft may look a bit specialized until you remember that the skin covers everything.
He's building a meat dragon!
ReplyDeleteOf course not just any meat would do!
http://youtu.be/kVzaBq4ycWg
He was heard to scream on his way to the cop car, "Gimme some skin!"
ReplyDelete/old school.
The revenooers are still gonna want their pound o' flesh, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteWonder if he filled out a W-9 for that $357k?
Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
He moonlights running a small publishing concern.
ReplyDeleteThe material will bind a limited edition of Hillary's new book and be given to her highest donors.
"Do not buy paper flesh for short or long positions. Insist of physical delivery of your pound of flesh."
ReplyDeleteWhats in YOUR freezer?
You could always poll the "ladies" on East Washington for the rental price of human flesh and extrapolate from there.
ReplyDeleteOne thousand hairy cannibals gathered round for lunch obviously needed some “pork” rinds for appetizers…
ReplyDelete"Thank you for calling Shylock and Shylock. If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time..."
ReplyDeletegvi
I bet most of the former members of the Obama administration can give you a value for "a pound of flesh". And probably a few of the RINO Senators and Congresspeople.
ReplyDeleteTam. Given that they are still unclear on what he was using it for....none of your scenarios are necessarily ruled out.
ReplyDelete