Blog Stuff: Oh, Jesus, it's like a dream come true...

For anyone who, as a child, harbored secret visions of having legions of G.I. Joe action figures perform a 1:12 scale Rape of Nanking on the Smurf Village, UNICEF has prepared a film that will warm the very cockles of your heart.

Unfortunately, the attack on the annoying hamlet of mushroom-shaped homes and obnoxiously perky homunculi was apparently carried out using unguided iron bombs, and with a distressing lack of direct-fire artillery support, allowing Baby Smurf to escape unscathed. Even more sadly, the unavailability of ChemWar resources also prevented the unnamed invaders (believed at this point to be either the X-Men or Pinky and The Brain, though neither group has publically claimed responsibility) from using cluster-bomb-dispersed haemotoxins to discover just what color a Smurf turns as it convulses in the throes of terminal cyanosis...