For whatever reason, I just heard about the kid in Brazil who has been, not to put too fine a point on it, kidnapped by his stepdad.
Apparently the President sat down for a little tête-à-tête with the wog chieftain yesterday, but instead of curtly informing him that, unless the child was put on a plane for LGA tout de suite, we'd be taking the USS New Jersey out of mothballs and putting it in the roadstead at Rio, he mumbled that he "supported the U.S. position" on the case. Of course, the U.S. position on anything is getting awful vague these days.
Seriously, though, what good is having a blue passport if you can't wave it and summon the USMC?
King: How did you say goodbye?
ReplyDeleteMy question: "Why did you say goodbye?"
Shit man, just grab the kid and hoof it over to the American Embassy.
WV: "bintegg" My perverse AI theory of word verification generation remains plausible, I see...
The U.S. position? Commonly, one of a submissive in a porno flick.
ReplyDeleteArt
it's tout de suite and not toot sweet? sonuvabitch, another (i thought) crackerism bites the french dust, never to be uttered again...
ReplyDeletejtc
USS NJ, hoo-rah. Farewell to college joys.
ReplyDeleteIn their meeting, Lula spoke of free trade and expanding business opportunity; Our One spoke of progressive policy and health care.
We have 10% ethanol and the Volt; Brasil has copersucar and the Willys Interlagos.
It is sad to say it, but any rational tribunal would leave the kid in Brasil. Ordem e Progresso.
Barry is just taking the long view. If we employ gunboat diplomacy in Brazil to protect the rights of US citizens, then the State Dept. might be required to actually stand up on its hind legs when dealing with noncustodial kidnappings in Islamic countries. Can't have that, it's not cricket.
ReplyDeleteHell, its not like she hasn't already done this. Elian Gonzalez ring bells? This time she has the full force and authority of the Marines at her disposal.
ReplyDeleteGmac
"Sean Goldman alive or Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva dead!"
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong a 16"/50 Mk 7 can't fix. Considering how close Rio is to deep water, they'd barely have to load more than a primer. Heh.
ReplyDeleteJim
I have nothing against Brazil. This is crazy talk. Also, the capital is at Brasilia--that's cruise missile range. Oh, and bring your ASW A-game; they have U-boats.
ReplyDeleteI've heard it said that at the height of the [first and only true] Arms Race, two-thirds of the world's population lived under the guns of the dreadnoughts.
Mutual Assured had nothing on that.
Furthermore, Rio must not be destroyed.
"This is crazy talk."
ReplyDeleteThis is somewhat tongue-in-cheek.
Yes, I know.
ReplyDeleteSo are my cruise missiles.
That's a deep-water anchorage, so
please don't take it littorally.
O god, then we might have to monitor the situation...
I'm with Tam. Put the Black Dragon back on the high seas, instead of rotting away in Camden. Perhaps when it's done scaring the crap out of the Brazilians, the new guncrews can get some practice on those Pirates off the coast of Africa. Nothing punctates a message to quit trying to grab other peoples stuff quite like a coupla broadsides firing ton and a half shells.
ReplyDeleteCruise missiles? Shore bombardment? Madness I say! B-52's need work too!
ReplyDeleteCruise missiles?
ReplyDeleteBombardment?
B-52's?
Whatever happened to good old-fashioned port-taking, by Marines?
We never should have mothballed the BB's - Nothing says "Fuck You Very Much" like the meanest 50,000 tons of wup'ass ever built.
ReplyDelete"Inform the tyrant that an American man-of-war is even now at sea, with a bone in her teeth, and that in a matter of hours he and his minions will be under her guns."
ReplyDelete"it's tout de suite and not toot sweet?"
ReplyDeleteJust a corruption of French. Very common in the Southern and Mid-Atlantic dialetcs of American English. Very common to the Butternuts of the Mid-South to Midwest.
Tam's fave beer, Gnawbone (a town in Southern Indiana), is derived from a corruption of the French city of Narbonne. Nothing wrong with the corruption, just important to know its origin.
Shootin' Buddy
Then "Gallop, Police" isn't a southern Ohio SWAT team?
ReplyDeleteSorry kids, the New Jersey is in no shape to be put back to sea quickly.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the USS Wisconsin is another story. She is being held in inactive reserve and sealed for reactivation should the need ever arise. USS Iowa is the other technically in that status but would require much more work to restore her to duty.
Call Nauticus in Norfolk and tell them the blue water boys wanted the Winnie back and prepare to chop her loose. Give them a couple months in drydock on the James River and Rio will be handing the kid over before she clears the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay.
The issue with the Gunboats is not the hardware, it's the wetware. rounding up enough crew and training them would take a looong time.
ReplyDeleteBesides that kid thing isn't even a gunboat issue yet. But the State Department does have to actually make a stink.
Anon, we know it isn't. We only revel in the memory of our four great ships, the most beautiful ever laid down, which saw great service and engendered greater pride.
ReplyDeleteAnd Armed Canadian here is a splice of the main-brace to your lot, gallant old Sally Rand, and plucky St Roch, which forced the Northwest Passage in 1940--with a wooden hull.
Sounds likea "training exercise" for Delta.
ReplyDeleteSplice the mainbrace is an order given aboard naval vessels to issue the crew with a drink. Originally an order for one of the most difficult emergency repair jobs aboard a sailing ship, it became a euphemism for authorized celebratory drinking afterward, and then the name of an order to grant the crew an extra ration of rum or grog. The phrase is a mainstay of pirate vernacular in popular culture.
ReplyDeletevideo