Books. Bikes. Boomsticks.
“I only regret that I have but one face to palm for my country.”
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
You might be are a redneck if...
You think that this is a classy way to display your unpretentious yet impertinent little Modesto green-apple flavored white from that famous vintage, the second week of January:
I have one (or one similar); My eldest daughter (who loves animals) got it for me. I was sort of horrified by it at first, but she meant well, and I sort of like it now. It's quirky -- like me.
And for the rest of the animal cast ... http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/links/link.jsp?id=0062578627732a&type=product&cmCat=SEARCH_all&returnPage=search-results1.jsp&Ntt=wine&Ntk=Products&sort=all&_D%3AhasJS=+&N=0&_D%3Asort=+&Nty=1&hasJS=true&_DARGS=%2Fcabelas%2Fen%2Fcommon%2Fsearch%2Fsearch-box.jsp.form1&_dyncharset=ISO-8859-1
I didn't know Boone's Farm was even on the market any more.
I don't know how it gets along with ducks, but have you ever seen a drunk raccoon? I have. What you do not want to see, though, is a raccoon with a hangover.
I wandered into a Bass Pro Shops the other day with my 12 year old daughter. These were on display in the main aisle. I stopped picked up a duck and the moose, tucked them under my arm and started to walk away when my daughter exclaimed "Dad, you're not going to by THOSE are you?" with a horrified look on her face.
I turned set them back on the display and said, of course not, lets go buy you some camouflage clothes for you to wear to school instead.
I don't think she wants to go shopping with me anymore...
That would look even better with a nice 1982 Zeller SchwartzKat (black Cat) or Kellergiester (Cellar Ghost) both decent cheap wines, that were about a buck-a-bottle over there back then -- less than Boone's Farm in the Class-6 store. Good blended wines easy sipping, great with dark bread and real cheese. And just as good out of a paper bag at concert.
I'm still trying to figure out how I'll fit my wine-in-a-box in that contraption...
You take it out of the box and carefully drape the metallic bag over the critter so just it's head pokes out from under the bag. That way it still looks cute - astronaut "space blanket" cute but still cute. Why do I always have to be Dr. Obvious?
I am just kidding for those obsessive types reading this.
WV: unders (when you are too shy to say "underware")
A couple of friends of mine just had a fire in their house. They're serious cork dorks, and part of the process of determining what had been damaged was that they came over to our house with three bottles that had been in the wine cooler in their dining room - which was up against the wall to the room the fire was in. They had to drink it, you see, to see if it had survived. So they brought some over to share with my wife (I don't drink). These were the expensive bottles that were like over $100/bottle. They tell me that their insurance agent was relieved that he didn't have to pay for it all...
But I'm thinking that for a housewarming present when their house gets repaired, I need to get them one of these duck wine holders... yes, I'm a Northern red neck.
We used to take dead armadillos by the side of the road and do the same thing with them and nearby empty beer bottles. The treasures of living in NE Texas.
I believe that is the actual Mexican gun canard.
ReplyDeleteI met an upscale redneck the one time. He had a wine rack in the back of his pickup.
ReplyDeleteJim
That is ten shades of awesome.
ReplyDeleteThey even put a band on the leg. Color me impressed!
ReplyDeleteGreat for any decor. Says so right there on the box!
ReplyDeleteYou say Redneck as if it were a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI have one (or one similar); My eldest daughter (who loves animals) got it for me. I was sort of horrified by it at first, but she meant well, and I sort of like it now. It's quirky -- like me.
ReplyDeleteJust saying Boone's Farm causes a headache from the past. God but that stuff was vile.
ReplyDelete"God but that stuff was vile."
ReplyDeleteOnly the first four bottles of the night. After that it's pretty good.
And for the rest of the animal cast ... http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/links/link.jsp?id=0062578627732a&type=product&cmCat=SEARCH_all&returnPage=search-results1.jsp&Ntt=wine&Ntk=Products&sort=all&_D%3AhasJS=+&N=0&_D%3Asort=+&Nty=1&hasJS=true&_DARGS=%2Fcabelas%2Fen%2Fcommon%2Fsearch%2Fsearch-box.jsp.form1&_dyncharset=ISO-8859-1
ReplyDeleteKinda like the moose myself ;-)
Cheers
Bill
Woohoo!
ReplyDeleteRoad trip to Cabelas this weekend!
Word verification: loserses (!)
(Sometimes I wonder if Google Blogger doesn't really have an AI sense of humor installed...)
We just can't have nice things!
ReplyDeleteShootin' Buddy
I'm still trying to figure out how I'll fit my wine-in-a-box in that contraption...
ReplyDeleteI didn't know Boone's Farm was even on the market any more.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how it gets along with ducks, but have you ever seen a drunk raccoon? I have. What you do not want to see, though, is a raccoon with a hangover.
I like the deer one...it has nice look to it
ReplyDeleteI'd have to set a bottle of something really French and really expensive in there just to mortify the wine snobs.
ReplyDelete"We have the '64 Chateau Latour, sir. Let me go pull it off the mallard."
Bonus word verification: plops
LOL @ Turk.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm a lot like Dave. Yeah, it's a tasteless mallard drake wine bottle holder.
But this mallard drake has a band.
That makes it classy, all by itself. I'd buy it.
I wandered into a Bass Pro Shops the other day with my 12 year old daughter. These were on display in the main aisle. I stopped picked up a duck and the moose, tucked them under my arm and started to walk away when my daughter exclaimed "Dad, you're not going to by THOSE are you?" with a horrified look on her face.
ReplyDeleteI turned set them back on the display and said, of course not, lets go buy you some camouflage clothes for you to wear to school instead.
I don't think she wants to go shopping with me anymore...
That would look even better with a nice 1982 Zeller SchwartzKat (black Cat) or Kellergiester (Cellar Ghost)
ReplyDeleteboth decent cheap wines, that were about a buck-a-bottle over there back then -- less than Boone's Farm in the Class-6 store.
Good blended wines easy sipping, great with dark bread and real cheese. And just as good out of a paper bag at concert.
Now the black bear and a bottle of Blue Nun FTW
They should include sound effects chips so you can hear the mallard quack and hiccup. Sort of like the "Bigmouth Billy Bass" from a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteWaal, you could put one of those fake bullet-hole stickers on it, to make it an Arkansas duck.
ReplyDeleteYou do remember Bill, don't you?
_______________________
Hit ain't redneck unless a Jaegermeister bottle fits in there.
Pappy said...
ReplyDeleteYou say Redneck as if it were a bad thing.
1:21 PM, March 31, 2009
Ummmm..... errrr.... I's startin' ta think that there is ... in fact... the case....
"You say Redneck as if it were a bad thing."
ReplyDeleteNo value judgment was implied or intended. :)
If you moved from Atlanta to East Tenn., then to southern Indiana, you're just now learning what "redneck" is all about.
ReplyDeleteLike some other "southern issues," it's a mostly northern phenomenon.
I never seen a drunk racoon but i have seen a drunk West African Grey Parrot!
ReplyDeleteA drunken armadillo is about the funniest thing EVER! They roll...
ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to figure out how I'll fit my wine-in-a-box in that contraption...
ReplyDeleteYou take it out of the box and carefully drape the metallic bag over the critter so just it's head pokes out from under the bag. That way it still looks cute - astronaut "space blanket" cute but still cute. Why do I always have to be Dr. Obvious?
I am just kidding for those obsessive types reading this.
WV: unders (when you are too shy to say "underware")
A couple of friends of mine just had a fire in their house. They're serious cork dorks, and part of the process of determining what had been damaged was that they came over to our house with three bottles that had been in the wine cooler in their dining room - which was up against the wall to the room the fire was in. They had to drink it, you see, to see if it had survived. So they brought some over to share with my wife (I don't drink). These were the expensive bottles that were like over $100/bottle. They tell me that their insurance agent was relieved that he didn't have to pay for it all...
ReplyDeleteBut I'm thinking that for a housewarming present when their house gets repaired, I need to get them one of these duck wine holders... yes, I'm a Northern red neck.
"They're serious cork dorks..."
ReplyDeleteI had never heard that term before. I LOL'ed.
Hrmm.
ReplyDeleteIf it'll prop up a Krinkov, we could stick a little sombrero on it...
Neat
ReplyDeleteRedneck? Who Me?
ReplyDeleteWe used to take dead armadillos by the side of the road and do the same thing with them and nearby empty beer bottles.
ReplyDeleteThe treasures of living in NE Texas.
WV: besse
Like the cow?
Cold Duck, anyone?
ReplyDeleteAnd no rippin' on Boone's Farm...that stuff saved my life, once or twice, heh. Waaay better'n Mad Dog 20/20. Heathens.
I see your wine guzzling fowl and raise you.. The Wine Rack.
ReplyDelete