"As the Maker is my witness, Jabba, I told Greedo not to go back for a tenth order of cheese fries! I told him his heart would explode!"
"How does this affect the fact that you still don't have my money, Solo?"
"I am totally getting my future as of yet unmet wife to strangle you to death while she's wearing nothing more than a metal bikini..."
"You ate the entire spice shipment instead of dumping it, didn't you, Solo?"
That's pretty much the only conversation that Han and Jabba can have in the 3-D edition to explain why Greedo suddenly explodes and falls dead at the table.
Jay G, it was supposed to be a secret that Spielbergo was helping him. Now that cat is out of the bag...
I knew I was true geek when I saw a guy in my bar wearing a T-shirt that simply read "Han shot first" and I was the only person in the bar who 'got it.' I had to explain it to others there about four gazillion times, as did the bearer.
I have to agree with BRM. I will not be watching this go-round.
WV: ching---as in, ca-ching, the sound Lucas expects to hear simply because he is going back to the well once more, again.
I traded my "remastered" edition of the original trilogy for my mothers orginal release copies. Someone needs to take Lucas out and smack him upside the head a few times for this.
The Republic will also discover that the Death Star is not a weapon of mass destruction and that the entire rebellion was just a grand scheme to earn billions for a company than Ben Kenobi used to run...
Just change the name of the series to Nerf Wars, where nobody gets hurt! There won't be a Death Star, just a relocation star, wherein peasants are sent under the fence, into the U.S., to escape...
I'm glad it was my sub-adulthood and not my childhood, though I was a bit jealous of those who were young enough to could get so immersed - dream smashers should get the chain-gang.
Can't Lucas and Spielberg just stop already. Didn't they see South Park?
Seriously, Star Wars is Lucas' best work. In fact, the E4-6 are the best things he's ever done, and will ever do. For some reason a geeky muse just inspired him to create greatness, then left. Aside from extremely infrequent brilliance, he's a talentless hack.
> The Republic will also discover that the Death Star > is not a weapon of mass destruction and that the entire > rebellion was just a grand scheme to earn billions > for a company than Ben Kenobi used to run...
In the new version, the Death Star is "Too Big To Fail"(tm), but ends up being destroyed by an inside job.
After the events in "A New Hope And Change", all of the ice on Hoth melts due to global warming, and construction of the Death Star II is funded by the Space Stimulus.
Yawn. I was already old enough to vote and drink when the first Star Wars movie came out. I stood in line to see it and was still disappointed.
Hell, I was disappointed by Star Trek, having read actual SF since I was 7 or so.
I fondly remember ignoring the goings-on in my 4th-grade class while reading "Earthlight" by Clarke. It was cool, the teacher also sang in the choir with me at church services. We understood each other.
I only had the first half of third grade, and the second half of fourth grade, they having skipped me. My Mom caught me up over the Christmas vacation. Shows how dumb the schools were, even back then, when they were trying to sorta do it right.
"As the Maker is my witness, Jabba, I told Greedo not to go back for a tenth order of cheese fries! I told him his heart would explode!"
ReplyDelete"How does this affect the fact that you still don't have my money, Solo?"
"I am totally getting my future as of yet unmet wife to strangle you to death while she's wearing nothing more than a metal bikini..."
"You ate the entire spice shipment instead of dumping it, didn't you, Solo?"
That's pretty much the only conversation that Han and Jabba can have in the 3-D edition to explain why Greedo suddenly explodes and falls dead at the table.
VW: comicing. What I tried to do up there.
Actually, I hear he's going to replace all the blasters with walkie-talkies...
ReplyDeleteJay G, it was supposed to be a secret that Spielbergo was helping him. Now that cat is out of the bag...
ReplyDeleteI knew I was true geek when I saw a guy in my bar wearing a T-shirt that simply read "Han shot first" and I was the only person in the bar who 'got it.' I had to explain it to others there about four gazillion times, as did the bearer.
I have to agree with BRM. I will not be watching this go-round.
WV: ching---as in, ca-ching, the sound Lucas expects to hear simply because he is going back to the well once more, again.
I traded my "remastered" edition of the original trilogy for my mothers orginal release copies. Someone needs to take Lucas out and smack him upside the head a few times for this.
ReplyDeleteThe Republic will also discover that the Death Star is not a weapon of mass destruction and that the entire rebellion was just a grand scheme to earn billions for a company than Ben Kenobi used to run...
ReplyDeleteJust change the name of the series to Nerf Wars, where nobody gets hurt! There won't be a Death Star, just a relocation star, wherein peasants are sent under the fence, into the U.S., to escape...
ReplyDeleteThis is tragic, thankfully when my son is older we can watch the originals on VHS.
ReplyDeleteThe wussification continues on...
Will the imperial pilots simply parachute out of their exploding tie fighters too?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it was my sub-adulthood and not my childhood, though I was a bit jealous of those who were young enough to could get so immersed - dream smashers should get the chain-gang.
ReplyDeleteNow that I think of it, I'm not sure I've seen the original version. If I did, it was a long, long time ago.
ReplyDeleteHasn't Lucas ever heard the saying "stop before you ruin it?"
*smacks self for asking a stupid question*
He's heard it; he didn't believe HE was capable of ruining it.
ReplyDeleteIf you haven't seen Red Letter Media's review of "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace", do so:
ReplyDeletewww.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI
Not safe for work or children.
I second Anonymous' recommendation for that review. Not only is it fucking hilarious, it explains a LOT.
ReplyDeleteword captcha: motions. What Lucus went through while making Episodes I - III.
Can't Lucas and Spielberg just stop already. Didn't they see South Park?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, Star Wars is Lucas' best work. In fact, the E4-6 are the best things he's ever done, and will ever do. For some reason a geeky muse just inspired him to create greatness, then left. Aside from extremely infrequent brilliance, he's a talentless hack.
I didn't see any after the third, and I probably saw that on VHS a year late - or Beta.
ReplyDelete> The Republic will also discover that the Death Star
ReplyDelete> is not a weapon of mass destruction and that the entire
> rebellion was just a grand scheme to earn billions
> for a company than Ben Kenobi used to run...
In the new version, the Death Star is "Too Big To Fail"(tm), but ends up being destroyed by an inside job.
After the events in "A New Hope And Change", all of the ice on Hoth melts due to global warming, and construction of the Death Star II is funded by the Space Stimulus.
Yawn. I was already old enough to vote and drink when the first Star Wars movie came out. I stood in line to see it and was still disappointed.
ReplyDeleteHell, I was disappointed by Star Trek, having read actual SF since I was 7 or so.
I fondly remember ignoring the goings-on in my 4th-grade class while reading "Earthlight" by Clarke. It was cool, the teacher also sang in the choir with me at church services. We understood each other.
I only had the first half of third grade, and the second half of fourth grade, they having skipped me. My Mom caught me up over the Christmas vacation. Shows how dumb the schools were, even back then, when they were trying to sorta do it right.