Rules of engagement? Pffft...small arms skirmishes.
When confronted by an unexpected angle of attack on obviously vulnerable assertions or assumptions, skip right on over the tedium of defending your position.
Just drop the nuke; declare dissent to be out of line, out of order, rude, an outright affront to the sanctity of your private space. And anyway, the anonymity afforded by the toobz negates any logic or reason that might be presented, your attacker is just a spineless, virtual coward (never mind that it's the toobz, the very foundation of which is, you know, anonymity). Declare yourself tired of the whole charade and by God, you've half a mind to just take your toys and go home...again.
Then step back and wait for your minions to take up the chatter, throw around some epithets, toss in a few pathetic threats...debate over. Works every time.
Just in case somebody has not seen this catlog of internet fauna, I'll link it to you (I first became aware of it 10 years ago when I was merely just a drooling newb):
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/
And as Nate put it in the commentary over at Atomic Nerds, NEVER be this guy:
Just thought of one more: -Quantity, quantity, quantity! You can win by burying your opponents with a multi-megaton info dump. Brevity and clarity are concepts to be absolutely avoided- think the Chewbacca Defense as written by Herman Melville, but with more words. Feel free to cut and paste pages of irrelevant quotes, raise up armies of strawmen, and answer each word of your opponent’s post with at least two paragraphs, 5 links, and a half dozen questions.
The goal is to drive the average poster with a life into realizing they have better things to do with their life (after all, you do have the advantage by not having anything better to do). For once they stop replying, or post a TLDR, you win!
As I have said before in other places, Eternal September" is here.
ReplyDeleteLabRat has succinctly codified the new rules of combat!
Rules of engagement? Pffft...small arms skirmishes.
ReplyDeleteWhen confronted by an unexpected angle of attack on obviously vulnerable assertions or assumptions, skip right on over the tedium of defending your position.
Just drop the nuke; declare dissent to be out of line, out of order, rude, an outright affront to the sanctity of your private space. And anyway, the anonymity afforded by the toobz negates any logic or reason that might be presented, your attacker is just a spineless, virtual coward (never mind that it's the toobz, the very foundation of which is, you know, anonymity). Declare yourself tired of the whole charade and by God,
you've half a mind to just take your toys and go home...again.
Then step back and wait for your minions to take up the chatter, throw around some epithets, toss in a few pathetic threats...debate over. Works every time.
AT
Just in case somebody has not seen this catlog of internet fauna, I'll link it to you (I first became aware of it 10 years ago when I was merely just a drooling newb):
ReplyDeletehttp://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/
And as Nate put it in the commentary over at Atomic Nerds, NEVER be this guy:
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/lamer.htm
So... which one are you (Kung-Fu master is off limits as most people pick him)? :)
@Tam
ReplyDeletePerhaps you could turn your snark on that nasty, money-grubbing New Yorker who claims banker bosses fired her for being 'too hot'.
For some reason, that story is quite tasty..
@AT
Some people do that. Anyway, the reason is, why would anyone sane even want to argue on the internet?
Arguing about politics and such bullshit is just a waste of time.
A bad habit, like smoking.
Keads, just you wait until Microsoft lets the XBox Live 'community' have a browser on their consoles...
ReplyDeleteIf all else fails, compare your opponets to Hitler. That always works!
ReplyDeleteJust thought of one more:
ReplyDelete-Quantity, quantity, quantity! You can win by burying your opponents with a multi-megaton info dump. Brevity and clarity are concepts to be absolutely avoided- think the Chewbacca Defense as written by Herman Melville, but with more words. Feel free to cut and paste pages of irrelevant quotes, raise up armies of strawmen, and answer each word of your opponent’s post with at least two paragraphs, 5 links, and a half dozen questions.
The goal is to drive the average poster with a life into realizing they have better things to do with their life (after all, you do have the advantage by not having anything better to do). For once they stop replying, or post a TLDR, you win!
Yea, Joe ... and always have a few 'Carrot Top' type props to link to for forum amusement!
ReplyDeleteLike this one:
http://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/grenade.jpg
and this one:
http://www.myspaceantics.com/images/myspace-graphics/funny-pictures/youre-a-homo.jpg
or maybe this one:
http://media.photobucket.com/image/nobody%20cares/Cliff_045/Surprise_No_One_Cares-1.jpg
Remember, life is just a stage...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-zEtAuKuUY
AT,
ReplyDeleteThat was easily the most déclassé thing I have ever seen you do. It made me sad.
"It made me sad."
ReplyDeleteNot my goal. But imagine how I felt.
Declasse? Yes, on both sides.
AT
Bringing a long-over argument from a completely different venue into my comments section, I meant.
ReplyDeleteLet it frickin' drop.
I didn't mention the argument, just the tactic, which was exactly apropos to 'Rat's post and your link. But it's your show, so consider it dropped.
ReplyDeleteAT
Thank you. :)
ReplyDelete(And I feel bad for not saying "Let it frickin' drop, please.")
Joe: ARGH. I'm tempted to edit the damn thing now, because I meant to list that one somewhere in there, and somehow entirely forgot.
ReplyDeleteI really only know 2.5 rules to the internet. Godwin's law, it's corollary, and rule 34.
ReplyDelete