"That is the worst shaving accident I've ever worked. I don't think I've ever before seen a man accidentally cut his own throat to the bone three times with an electric razor."Suing mob hitmen is a business model that makes that of The Underpants Gnomes look brilliant and well thought-out.
"He was cleaning his pistol and accidentally shot himself once in the chest and two in the head."
ReplyDelete"He fell over backwards on a steak knife twenty-seven times."
ReplyDeleteI've always enjoyed "he had a real death grip on the " when folks explain a 'suicide' with multiple wounds :)
ReplyDelete"It sounds like someone made a mistake.’’
ReplyDeleteI've seen a suicide with six .22 shots to the chest. And it really was a suicide- old lady with cancer, no relatives, no money, no insurance, sold her stuff, left a note, in a locked house.
Kept shooting where she thought her heart was. #6 made it.
My fave was a high round count suicide. With a .22. Bolt action.
ReplyDeleteUp. Back. Forward. Bang.
Up. Back. Forward. Bang.
Up. Back. Forward. Bang.
Up. Back. Forward. Bang.
Repeat as necessary.
He fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
ReplyDelete"What do you mean we used Quick Drying cement when he came to fine us for a lousy construction job and is stuck? Well, just keep pouring those support columns, I can't help it he's too stupid to get out of the way."-J.Gotti
ReplyDelete