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“I only regret that I have but one face to palm for my country.”
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Aunt Stabby's Relationship Tips:
If I make you a cup of coffee and it tastes like crap, do not fling the Jamaican Blue Mountain into the herbaceous border while making a face like a little kid eating broccoli and whine "This coffee is criminal!" because coffee, no matter how poorly it tastes, is not criminal, but me beating you to your knees with the coffee pot like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas most certainly is, and we don't neither of us want that.
(Incidentally, watching old commercials throws doubts on the premise behind Idiocracy and makes me want to give someone at Arnold Worldwide or Crispin Porter + Bogusky a great big hug.)
Well, in truth, one doubts that her coffee was Jamaican Blue Mountain :) But I get where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteYeah. Gotta love them ol' commercials...still remember Grannie on the Beverly Hillbillies talkin' up Winston tasting "like a cigerette hadda-aughta." Yeesh.
ReplyDeleteThis sort of thing is why the phrase, "Then make it your-damned-self" was invented.
ReplyDeleteOk, well, yeah but you KNOW that Idiocracy was right.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w
ReplyDeletebut you KNOW that Idiocracy was right.
ReplyDeleteNo, not really. The costumes and sets may change, the dialogue will have variations, but it's really just the same play, over and over again.
+1 onb Noah D! And yeah, coffee is GOOD! :-)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, guys like Hubbie Poo nowadays tend to break out the Glock when the Wifie Poo says "Enough!" and goes out to meet the Divorce Lawyer....
ReplyDeleteAlso I'm sure in social context of the time this was an absurdist over-the-top advert, that you were meant to laugh at.
ReplyDeleteI always prefer the PPPT (Patented Pesci Pen Technique), myself. Nothing like a little arterial spray from the 'ol jugular to give someone a new perspective on the important things in life.
ReplyDelete*scribbles notes*
ReplyDeleteShootin' Buddy
Yes, because Aunt Stabby has always been all about subtlety and finesse, and has never exaggerated for comic effect.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt that the culture of the day was male dominated, but I would argue that if TV is the measure of culture, then today's culture has swung the opposite direction. At least it seems to me that most of the characters on the tube don't quite make at the way to room temp IQ's. Remember that generational differences are at least as real as cultural differences.
ReplyDelete"Sure got feminazi in here all of a sudden."
ReplyDeleteLighten up, Francis.
When bad coffee gets made in the Secret Lair, I have to wave my finger in my own face.
ReplyDeleteActually I seem to recall seeing that ad on TV way back when, and even then my reaction was something on the order of "WTF?" Though we had not yet learned to speak in acronyms back then.
I suspect that commercials reflect reality as well then as now.
ReplyDeleteMarc S,
ReplyDeleteDidn't say they didn't.
Commercials sure haven't gotten any dumber, though.
I notice that SHE wasn't drinking it...
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how many anonymous cowards can't recognize a joke -- and feel that they have to tell you about it.
ReplyDeleteI blame Bush. Er, Obama.
We're all ignoring the most important question.
ReplyDeleteWhich is, "can Tam actually make good coffee or not?"
I'm betting on "yes".
I mind Florence King's story about the guest to whom she offered some wine. That mouth-breathing bimbo, having no breeding, or manners, or anything, came back at Miss King with "What's the selection?"
ReplyDeleteMiss King seemed kinda peeved at that, judging by what she wrote next.
P.s. I don't think I'd turn down free coffee, even if it were really bad, unless I could honestly say something like: "Um, thank you for the kind offer, but as you can probably see by the way I'm twitching, I think I've already had too much today."
ReplyDeleteAt that point a sensitive empathetic well-mannered hostess would probably say something like, "OK, howzabout some beer, instead?"
Sigivald, I'm betting that if she can't, I ain't gonna be the one to tellher.
ReplyDeleteLike the old saying goes "what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?*"
ReplyDeleteOn another tangent, I have a friend who gets all pissed off when he sees that Bo Dietl commercial (CP+B), not because he's a Subway fan, but because he hates Bo on a personal level, very deeply. This fact amuses me to no end when we're watching games on Sunday.
*nothing you haven't told her twice
See, Joseph, the way I was raised (Southern), you never ever punch a woman, even if you know she's one of the crazy ones who gets off on that kind of thing, because that would be, well, common.
ReplyDelete"Common" was a shaming word, nay, a killing word, my Mom used when she had seen me do something bad.
When my wife makes bad coffee, I drink it with a smile; if I know what's good for me.
ReplyDeleteJoseph,
ReplyDelete"Like the old saying goes "what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?*""
Ooh, I know that one!
You say "Oh, God, please don't shoot me!" :D
See, I don't see Tam's snarky comments as "feminazi".
ReplyDeleteI see them as "attractive".
Like some Republican politician (I forget which one) when the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal broke, saying, "If that was me, what I'd be hearing next is my wife saying, 'How do you reload this damned thing?' while lying in a pool of my own blood." H-A-W-T. {chuckle}
I already own a doormat -- whyinthehell would I want to marry somone who would allow herself to be treated that way? She sure as Hell isn't going to be any use in a critical situation, that's for damned sure. Not even in a "pass me ammo" or "watch in case the hurricane blows a tree down on me" sense -- she'll be all verklempt and self-defeated at the very beginning.
Someone like Tam, OTH, isn't going to be useless. If the price of that is either "drink shitty coffee" or "make it my owndamnself", well, I know how to gulp and smile (Mom was the worst cook. . . ever), and I also have mastered the esoteric art of "scoop grounds into the coffee pot".
Our Tam is obviously not one of the crazy ones who gets off on that kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteAs Erin Pizzey pointed out, women like that do exist, and their existence can be very annoying to, and cause trouble for, the more mild-mannered of either sex.
Wimmen (and men) tend to like a leader-type guy. Being a leader is not the same as being a thug and a bully, except maybe among the chimpanzees.
@Geodykt ~ That was Dick Armey.
ReplyDelete"Dick Armey" (chuckle)
ReplyDeleteSorry. channeling Peter Griffin over here. :-)
gfa
Geod, I see them as "grumpy." I could see the grumpiness on Tam's face, even years ago, in her "yachting" photo, and I honor her for that.
ReplyDeleteI, m'self, did not achieve True Grumpiness until I was well past middle age and the scales fell from my eyes.
Tam was obviously aware of the score many years before I was.
I like your punchline (SORRY) better, Tam. :)
ReplyDeleteThe still that the video is on when the page loads, I keep expecting her to bite the first joint of his finger off.
Also, feminazi? Nah, just a demonstration of the difference between 'impolite' and 'criminal'.
Accuracy in speaking, as in other pursuits, is important.
Men and women bully each other as much today as ever. It just takes different forms. -- Lyle
ReplyDeleteThe rule here is that, " Those who do not drink coffee shall not make it for those that do"
ReplyDeleteHaving been raised in a housefull off double-xs, me being the lone y for much of my youth meant protecting same double-xs as well as learning to automatically put the seat down, and to smile a "thank you" regardless of the quality of food or drink that is offered. Among other things that help make life bearable and worth it; violence over beverages just doesn't add up...but humor over the same can be priceless!
TAM DID YACHTING??? WE MUST TALK ITS OK ILL MAKE THE COFFEE DOES TAM SAIL ?
ReplyDeleteTam ain't no kind of feminazi. I do believe that there are such, but Tam ain't one of them. She calls them as she sees them, as a weird Grumpy outlier!
ReplyDeleteWe really do need to found the Grumpy Party. I know at least one woman, a grumpy old spinster with whom I have rubbed mucus membranes long ago, who is ready to join up. She's pretty smart, knows lotsa stuff, and is GRUMPY.
P.s. I do wish I could persuade her to buy some ammo, and exercise with her piece, which I helped her to pick out.
ReplyDeleteNot only that, but I bought her a box of extra-loud +P+ Cor-Bon ammo for her piece, and as far as I know, she hasn't even queried S&W to see if they are safe to shoot in her 442!
(Tam, could you advise us about this?)
She seems to be pre-occuppied with picketing and suing the $cientologists, which is all well and good, but there are other, and bigger, demons to slay, dammit!
I am glad that we agree that neither of us wants you to go all Pesci on me with a coffee pot.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I would not object to watching you do the Pesci on somebody who deserves it. I can send you a list of candidates.
Tam isn't grumpy. I like her company. She makes good coffee,too.
ReplyDeleteBeing abusive to her would get a person dismissed as an imbecile, as no sane individual can be that suicidal. But those who think she's a feminazi obviously missed her Real Lady aspect.
OK, not proud to admit this, but...
ReplyDeleteIf you make the wife the husband and vice-versa....
And instead of the wife always making the coffee, it's the husband always making the food...
And instead of an overtly rude rejection of the coffee, you get a reasonably polite rejection of the food...
...this commercial is about me and my wife.
Alath
Carmel IN
...and, increasingly, my kids are on my wife's team.
Oleg, you have met her IRL. I have not done so. She comes across on the 'net as grumpy.
ReplyDeleteI see nothing wrong with being grumpy, either IRL, or on the 'net. I do believe that anyone who lives to a sufficient age, has an IQ well into three digits, and pays attention to what is going on in the world, will inevitably end up being somewhat grumpy.
Being grumpy is no reason not to mind one's manners, and I do humbly beg pardon for rudenesses I have committed in the comments at Tam's blog.
This is one of the reasons I go to church, to try to ameliorate my grumpiness, somewhat.
Alath, we can read about that kind of thing all we like in the androsphere, but if you are like me, you have aged out of the boy-and-girl game. I read those guys for amusement, as I read SF, not expecting a supraluminal trip to another star, nor either to get laid.
ReplyDeleteI am just happy to be able to communicate with fellow grumpy old people of either sex, and bitch and complain about how things are going to Hell. Oh, they are, you know!
I find that cutting the fresh baked banana bread with a Japanese Samuri sword while my "just woke up" red hair is standing straight up, usually discourages any disparaging coffee chatter from the menfolk.
ReplyDeleteWhoops! I recently emailed the gal I mentioned in my comment above, and told her where to find said comment.
ReplyDeleteI stand by what I wrote in the comment, that in general, she needs to exercise with her piece, and maybe should ask Tam about the safety of using the dangerously loud Cor-Bon cartridges in her 442.
Mmm, banana bread. With walnuts, yes?
ReplyDeleteVery thin slices of walnut, I'm guessing.
ReplyDelete"Takes no shit" != "feminazi".
ReplyDeleteA pity some cannot tell the difference.
Jay, Tam has admitted to being an outlier, and not as other wimmin. She is neither a "feminazi" nor an average normal woman. She is just Tam, and there is only one of her. Let us all look out for her.
ReplyDeleteBlast Hardcheese for the with, with Angus McThag honorable mention.
ReplyDeleteAnd, to add even more chauvanism, a seriously cute lady. Always did have a thing for the young Mary Tyler Moore types.
I also hope she knees him in the cookies and screws his brother.
As I have never made terrible coffee (and have made good coffee from the moment I discovered manual-drip coffeemakers), I have never had this happen to me -- but in my brief fling at committing wedlock, I learned to not surprise himself with "new and different" foodstuffs. I don't think he ever called it criminal or threw it on the houseplants, at least. But guys with the same attitude as the young man in the ad are common -- in both senses of the word.
ReplyDeleteYup, Roberta, seems like you got a bad 'un. One of the great selling points of Marriage 1.0, from a man's point of view, was the prospect of marrying a skilled and creative cook, like my Dear Dead Mom. That boy you mentioned was obviously incapable of appreciating what he had.
ReplyDeleteThe way to a man's heart really does lie through his stomach; every time a woman has cooked me a good meal and I ate it, I developed feelings of love and affection for her. Yep, "common" is the word for that guy.
Speaking of my Mom, Noah, banana bread, with walnuts, was one of her specialities. She was really good with the custard and the banana pudding, too. Dammit, you got me to salivating, you!
ReplyDeleteP.s. Proverbs 31: 10-31 is an _exact_ description of my Mom, and I read it aloud at her funeral, to the approbation of all who were present.
Also, I have seen her high school yearbook picture. She was quite the babe.
Now do y'all see why I find the general run of wimmin so disappointing, with an impossibly high standard like that with which to compare them?
No, I don't believe Tam makes good coffee. At best, coffee is a vile-tasting caffeine delivery system. Bleah.
ReplyDeleteTam,
ReplyDeleteYour hot, good with a gun, like to be barefooted...
....why ain't you in my kitchen making me some damn coffee?
I dunno... she's got that cute pouty thing going on, and it sure seems like she enjoys the discipline...
ReplyDelete