"Well, Mr. Ratzinger, while I agree that you are more than capable of handling the duties of a shift supervisor in our call center, we're worried that you won't find the work challenging or remunerative enough and that, should an opening come available to head a major world religion, we'd wind up losing our investment in you and be forced to fill the position again. Certainly you understand our reservations here?"If they let him keep the Popemobile as part of his severance package, I bet it'd haul a hella lot of pizzas.
Books. Bikes. Boomsticks.
“I only regret that I have but one face to palm for my country.”
Friday, March 01, 2013
Where do you go from there?
So what's the Pope Emeritus going to be doing now? I mean, a few years of popin' has to be a pretty serious resumé builder, but you know that it's also going to lead to him being considered "overqualified" for a lot of more entry-level gigs.
Joe Ratzinger, Vampire Hunter
ReplyDeleteI keep getting that song from White Christmas stuck in my head, but I can't figure out how to adapt it from "General" to "Pope."
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the new pope will stress the benefits of a career in monasticism. Quiet monasticism, preferably far from the Vatican and stressing vows of silence. Maybe limited Popemobile privileges could be negotiated...
ReplyDeleteThe local affiliate was making hay yesteray about how his retirement was going to be "Almost $3000 a month! As much as the top Social security benefit" as if that was an outrageous sum for a retiring Pope. Didn't mention that it was 1/3 the retirement of a Chicago Union official.
ReplyDeletePope Emeritus Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger has stirred a rather large bees nest. The bees will be released during the conclave. It will be very interesting to see who is stung. I still read l'osservatore Romano every day, it's free, and I highly reccomend it to anyone who was fascinated by the machinations of the Borgias.
Build homes for Habitat for Ecumenicals.
ReplyDeleteGerry
He could run a home for wayward monks.
ReplyDeleteHe can Blog!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHe won't be working a call center until after he's dead and promoted to Saint.
I doubt he will ever leave Vatican territory again. As a former Pope he no longer has head of state immunity.
ReplyDeleteOfficially, after leaving Vatican City after his resignation he's heading to the papal summer residence at Castel Gandolfo. After a new Pope is elected, he will reside at the monastery Mater Ecclesiae.
ReplyDeleteUnofficially? Well... "Quid fit in Vegas, relinquitur in Vegas."
@ bluesun - try 'pontiff.'
ReplyDeleteWhat do you do with the pontiff, when he's done bein' the pontiff...
maybe he could teach poping classes. maybe make this whole transition thing easier.
ReplyDeleteThe usual: hit the lecture circuit, write a book, find a comfy consulting gig in private industry...
ReplyDeletejf
I'd vote for him maning the phone at a child molestation switchboard.
ReplyDeleteDONT FORGET !
ReplyDeleteHIS HOLINESS SERVED AS A LOADER FOR
AN 88MM FLAK BATTERY ACTING OBERGEFRITER WITH TIME IN GRADE AS POPE WHATS HIS CHANCE OF MAKING FIELDWOBBLE?
EINE ALTE KAMAREDEN JA? THAT WILL HELP HIS CV HE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF
THE GI BILL
Where do you go from there? Window cleaning. See here:
ReplyDeletehttp://sippicancottage.blogspot.com/2013/02/happy-ballantines-day.html
Dang, Catholics gave up on having a pope for Lent!
ReplyDeleteMakes me feel bad about the cheeseburger I'm about to have...
ReplyDeleteStick to guns and Broad Ripple, dear.
Jeffrey Quick,
ReplyDeleteStick to not telling me what to write about on my own goddam blog. :)
JD Rush,
ReplyDelete"Dang, Catholics gave up on having a pope for Lent!"
Okay, THAT was funny. :D
I suppose he could apply as a Walmart door greeter (though the position is people greeter, "We don't greet doors.")
ReplyDeleteMaybe he is quitting to raise tomatoes, like Oliver Platt's ending scene in Gunshy.
The rumor mill says he has a brain tumor ... so I don't think early retirement is going to be his major problem here.
ReplyDeleteRumors abound. The brain tumor one is at the lower end of the plausibility scale, simply because it wouldn't present a difficult death to public scrutiny- he could work right up until he couldn't, for the most part, and all things being equal, a pope is expected to die in office, and those guys do tend to take their vows seriously.
ReplyDeleteThe most likely issue is a degenerative impairment of his faculties- dementia, Alzheimer's, something like that.
I'm pretty sure they won't make him a manager of a chapel's two janitors and a gardiner, like the disgraced former cardinal from Boston.
Paul, Dammit!
ReplyDelete"The most likely issue is a degenerative impairment of his faculties- dementia, Alzheimer's, something like that."
Now that would be a sticky theological wicket. What happens when the guy speaking ex cathedra is a few fries short of a Happy Meal?
Is it still considered infallible if he issues an edict on "Can't sleep; clowns will eat me?"
Well, based on my own experience with my father, he will: 1. watch the Weather Channel a lot, 2. go to Lowe's or Menard's and help people with home repair problems, even though he does not work there, 3. go out to dinner a lot and then interview at length the waitress/waiter, 4. call his son, Shootin' Buddy, and give him much-needed weather data for his city.
ReplyDeleteGood grief, why can't he go back to work!!!
Shootin' Buddy
Two things:
ReplyDeleteBenedict was actually one of the first high-level clergy to realize that the sex abuse stuff wasn't just a few isolated incidents but a major trend. He's done some amazing things, both as a Cardinal and as Pope, to try and remedy the situation as best as he could.
As for crazy pronouncements, the Catholic Church believes that the charism of infallibility is protected by the Holy Spirit, meaning that a reigning Pope is actually prevented from saying anything ex cathedra that's insane or corrupt (although this only applies to teachings, not personal behavior or organizational administration). That's why there aren't dogmas like "All the world must submit to the power of Venice" or "Automatic excommunication for every defeat of the Azurri in World Cup finals play."
Declare war on France?
ReplyDelete(Well, he is German...)
"Maybe he is quitting to raise tomatoes, like Oliver Platt's ending scene in Gunshy."
ReplyDeleteOr Vito Corleone in The Godfather.
(What? I was going to Hell for being an atheist anyway.)
they gave up the pope for lent...
ReplyDeleteDoes that mean they can't have a pope for an entire lenten season?
How long is that anyway?
Rich in NC
Good point, and I don't think he 'needs' a job... Just sayin...
ReplyDeleteThe most recent Pmobile was a gelandewagon, so maybe schnitzel would be a better choice.
ReplyDeleteI get the impression Ratso's health had little to do with this. I expect some things will be happening in a situation where it would not be good for him to be pope. Remember JPII appointed Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger "Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith" (i.e., Grand Inquisitor) There is still politics and intrigue at the highest level of the Vatican, and it seems some of it is about to play out very soon. A fascinating time to be alive.
Delivering pizza is a pretty good gig. That's what I do since I had to retire. It doesn't pay much but the tips are good.
ReplyDeleteI bet he could haul 20 or 30 pizzas in that pope-mobile. He could probably make a few hundred Lire a night. And it gets him out of the house.
Assistant football coach at Penn State?
ReplyDeleteAuf wiedersehen, Panzerpope!
ReplyDeleteI suspect he's going to be spending a lot of time working on his reservations for his final journey.
ReplyDeleteAnd fun and games aside, I respect a pontiff with the sense to step down BEFORE he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
But the guy that wrote "they gave up the Pope for Lent" should be writing late night monologues.
Reportedly, Benedict XVI (does he get to keep the name he picked for himself? Huh. Apparently so.) couldn't deliver pizzas in the popemobile without a driver; he doesn't have a driver's license.
ReplyDeleteHowever, he reportedly is licensed to fly a helicopter, and has flown the papal helicopter on several occasions. Now there's an opportunity, people! I'm thinking that there are some oil rig platforms that could use some blessin', but quick!
"Get to da choppah!"
ReplyDeleteThis seems like a perfect time to get him prosecuted for his decades of aiding and abetting pedophile priests.
ReplyDeleteAesop said...
ReplyDeleteI suspect he's going to be spending a lot of time working on his reservations for his final journey.
A question I heard one time was why do old people always read the bible?
The answer, they are studying for their finals.
I hear that the retirement benefits from being pope are out of this world.
ReplyDelete*rimshot*
Thank you thank you, I'll be here until Thursday. Try the veal and don't forget to tip the waitress.
Tam, to answer your question, it wouldn't be the first time. The Vatican has checks and balances that work, in theory, to prevent just that from happening. If you look at how papal encyclicals are presented, they're treatises that attempt to justify the conclusions. There's pretty good evidence that John Paul II tried to open debate on the rule of St. Benedict (requiring celibate priests), when asked, he said nothing, but crossed his wrists in the 'my hands are tied' gesture. In terms of dealing with a pope who's gone nuttier than squirrel poop, there's precedent- he can be silenced by the College of Cardinals, but it's happened.
ReplyDeleteI think he should do a little German motor-tinkering and then run the Popemobile at Daytona.
ReplyDelete