"Please my handsome beloved, give launch codes."
Jesus, this clown makes A1C Teixeira look like Kim muhfuggin' Philby.
"She is communicating with you through her soul and her deep, penetrating eyes you have conjured up in your imagination based on a few almost naked pictures she has likely posted. She thinks you're great and hot and successful and masculine. She loves you! The way no other woman has before. Oh, Svetlana, I love you, too! You’re super hot, but I also love you for your brains. We share an interest in US national defense issues! You’re a rare gem who gets off on talk about military targets. Yeah, baby. Let me tell you about my missile!
But actually, this is Svetlana: An overweight Russian named Boris who is slugging vodka and belching up borscht while typing with potato fingers."
.