Blog Stuff: A confession.

I have a confession to make.

The last time I watched the Oscars was, like, fifteen years ago, and that was because it was on at the laundromat. I occasionally glanced up from my James Burke to check my laundry and note that the acceptance speech for "Best Best boy", or whatever, seemed to be nothing but a tedious thank you list, crediting Jesus, his pet border collie, and his parents for giving him the wisdom to pick the right extension cord.

Why would I watch? I'm not going to learn anything. It doesn't contain information about new movies; it's all about the movies of the past year. I already know which of those I liked, and what I liked about them. I'm also aware of whether critics liked them or not. It's not like I'm going to experience some astounding revelation like "Oh, I thought Titanic was a tedious bore, but it just won Best Picture, so I guess I'll like it now." If I thought a movie was good, I've already rewarded it the best way I know how: By forking over my hard-earned shekels to watch it a couple or three times.

They say a billion people were tuned in yesterday. Think about the real implications of that for a moment. That means that one billion of my fellow h. saps had nothing better to do on a Sunday night than watch a bunch of people they don't know (and probably wouldn't like if they did) go to a party they weren't invited to, and talk about what they were wearing. I suppose this must provide some pleasurable stimulus for the viewer, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what it is...