I blame George Bush.

Karthik Rajaram, an unemployed MBA in Cali, went off his nut and shot his whole family and himself yesterday after George Bush stole his self esteem. Deputy Chief of Police Michel Moore (I'm not making that part up. ed.) said:

"This is a perfect American family behind me that has absolutely been destroyed, apparently because of a man who just got stuck in a rabbit hole, if you will, of absolute despair, somehow working his way into believing this to be an acceptable exit."

The nation's Chief Executive was seen on the security cameras of the gated community fleeing the man's dwelling with a sack over his shoulder that was believed to contain Rajaram's self-esteem. Accompanying him was his evil sidekick Dick Cheney, with an unidentified bundle that could have been Karthik's employment opportunities.

This is why you should vote for Lord Obama this November, so that nothing bad like this will ever happen again.

Thus saith CNN.