So Starbucks has announced that they are now offering free wi-fi to their patrons, with a level of fanfare somewhere between that which attended the discovery of fire and the launch of Apollo 11.
News flash, latte breath: You should have phrased the press release as "We're sorry! Please come back! We have free wi-fi now!" and that way you would have regained some of the customers you lost to frickin' McDonald's when they upgraded their coffee to complement their free wi-fi.
Heck, Krystal has had free wi-fi since back when you could still use the internets to worry about whether this mortgage crisis thing you were hearing noises about was going to maybe mess with your 401k.
I guess "Come for the expensive coffee, stay for the expensive wi-fi" wasn't working in this economy.
ReplyDeleteDunkin' Donuts has free wifi, even! And bacon sammiches!
ReplyDeleteYeah, but 95% of the country has never even heard of "Krystal".
ReplyDeleteSigivald,
ReplyDeleteThat's 95% of the country's problem, then, isn't it? :D
That's 95% of the country's problem, then, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteKrystal the fast food chain with the tiny burgers, right? If so, then yes... nothing beats a bag of tinyburgers for roadtrip food.
Gotta eat 'em fast, though. Like their little chili cheese pups, the half-life of a cheese Krystal is measured in minutes.
ReplyDeleteAlso, their Krystal Chik is a stroke of genius. It's the tastiest fast-food chicken sammich sold anyplace that doesn't use cows for advertising...
Krystal as in meth? Are they west of the Mississippi?
ReplyDeleteOh, God, I wish we had Krystals here, in the ass-end of FL. I want me some gut bombs. Fuckin midwestern damnyankee neurotypical golf trash who run this benighted artificial pretend-town!
ReplyDeleteKrystal was the barista who served me at Starbucks this morning...
ReplyDeleteAre they west of the Mississippi?
ReplyDeleteTexas, Louisiana and Arkansas.
Like their little chili cheese pups, the half-life of a cheese Krystal is measured in minutes.
... which is an annoyance to the driver of said roadtrip vehicle. "Damn it, if I reach back there and there's no sliders in that bag, somebody is going into the trunk!"
If you're not familiar with Krystal, just think White Castle with a different (some say better) taste. Here are two places where they are precisely alike: Some White Castle locations also have wifi, and I can only eat them with cheese, unless I'm actually sitting on the can at the time. The cheese at least provides a certain amount of friction.
ReplyDeleteWhite castles have the same aroma in and out. Krystals have a distinctive aroma in, and smell exactly like white castles out.
The brain bleach is under the sink. You're welcome.
Oh, and F starbucks.
I'd sit outside a starbucks for free wi-fi if I really needed it, but otherwise I'll go somewhere and get a cup of something I recognize as coffee.
ReplyDeleteJim
... get a cup of something I recognize as coffee
ReplyDeleteHeretic. There's no java like Sumatran Blend. Anything Extra Bold, really.