The morning bustle is ongoing at Roseholme Cottage. Bobbi is getting ready for work. I'm setting up another pot of coffee. And we're both riffing loudly on the old Pepperidge Farm commercials.
RX: "Remember a time when a woman had no more right to vote than any other common farm animal? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"
Me: "Remember a time when a trusty double-barreled shotgun was all that kept the Zeta Reticulans from swoopin' in and stealin' a good man's chickens? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"
RX: "Remember a time when, if a man wanted to know the future, all he had to do was cut open a chicken and scatter the guts? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"
Me: "Remember a time when a man with a pair of horses, an enclosed wagon, and a willingness to violate the Mann Act could go far in life? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"
Oh, lordy! I use the old Pepperidge Farm commercial weekly. Mostly because I can't remember a damn thing. Where'd I put those keys/that tool/the cat/my wallet, etc? Pepperidge Farm...
ReplyDelete"Where did I put my extra magazine? Pepperidge Farm remembers."
ReplyDeleteOld story still told in Pennsylvania Dutch country.
ReplyDeleteJurgen was a 64 year old widower who'd been alone for 30 years. He ends up with an arrainged marriage to Marthe, a hot young 18 year old.
On the way back to the farm he whips the horse unmercifully, to get on with the postnuptual shenannigans as quickly as possible.
The horse staggers and falls, and Jurgen gets out and boots it back up to it's feet. Shocked, Marthe says "Jurgen, that's horrible".
Muttering under his breath, Jurgen says "Horse, that's one".
A few miles on, the exausted horse stops to drink from a stream, and Klaus whips him brutally. Marthe says "Jurgen, I'm shocked!" Jurgen mutters "Horse, that's two".
Finally, within sight of the farm, the brutalized horse falls again.
Jurgen hauls the shotgun out from under the seat and puts the animal out of it's misery.
Marthe says "Jurgen, I think that's terrible!"
Jurgen says "Woman, that's one".
Only in Pennsylvania commercials, the oldtimer with the accent was Klaus the Noodle Man.
Heh. Hadn't heard that in a while. Didn't SNL or SCTV riff on that? It's been 30 years, but I seem to recall someone dressed as the oldster, saying:
ReplyDelete"Pep'ridge Faaahm Pro-phylactics! 'Cause Pep'ridge Faaahm remembahs!!"
lol! "willingness to violate the Mann act" indeed. I can see, back in 1910, why the states were intent on keeping their prostitution and "immoral" sex acts at home, where they belong.
ReplyDeleteRemember when Dad fed the cows with a silage fork, not a tractor? Pepperidge Farm remembers!
Remember when we put the hay bales in the barn with a fork hung from the truck, and run into the barn on a rail, then dropped with a trip rope? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Remember when the Mother-in-law kept a pan of flour with a towel over it, and grabbed a handful of lard and jug of milk to make morning biscuits? I remember, uh, Pepperidge Farm remembers.
I remember Crow T. Robot doing that on MST3K. "The Black Plague! Pepperidge Farm Remembers!"
ReplyDeleteWe had a few horrible ones like that in college:
"Remember when sororities were filled with clean, upstanding women? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"
"Remember when you had a real job that didn't involve selling liquor to underage students at the demand of your manager? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"
"Remember when you were allowed to use live ammunition to get the point across to rioting college students during Halloween? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"
Then again, lots of people didn't go to Southern Illinois for college...
After a while it got to the point where my friends would remember something stupid or classless that we recently did and you'd hear from the group "Who the hell are you? Pepperidge Farm?"
Wow, it's early in the winter for y'all to be going off the tracks this much. Has the lightbulb in your Vitamin D lamp dimmed?
ReplyDeletewv: spitch - The act of spitting on the ground when saying the name "Hillary Clinton" or "Nancy Pelosi"
Up thread Tam mentions a hand traveling up a skirt and here we have a reference to the Mann Act.
ReplyDeleteSomebody is up to sumthin'
1. I think the nineteenth amendment was a bad idea.
ReplyDelete2. In a properly-organized Republic, _I_ would not be allowed to vote.
3. If I were that Texan in the bed next to Yossarian, I would allot at least 3 votes each to both Tam and Roberta.
4. I have decided, as the senior band nerd here, that Roberta's official Sousa theme march is "The Free Lance." If she were to look up the plot of the operetta it came from, I betcha she'd feel right flattered.
""Who the hell are you? Pepperidge Farm?"
ReplyDeleteWe used to do the same thing at the horse shows and FCH!!
Sort of off topic, on the way up to Newtown to hunt there was a PF bakery and the associated store. I always stopped for a little something to carry/offer out hunting.
That was the last place I ever received in change a real silver coin.