Pharmaceutical commercials are a never-ending source of amusement around Roseholme Cottage, what with their subvocalized FDA-mandated warnings. The picture will show somebody skipping happily around the yard, finally freed of the awful burden of toenail fungus, as the announcer is softly intoning "...possible side effects include debilitating cramps, dizziness, permanent blindness, and rectal bleeding..." and I'm thinking, "
You know, I reckon I'd take my chances with the toenail fungus."
Bobbi came up with a bunch of
warning labels for medicines we don't have, but maybe should:
Lycanophage: "Warning: while this medicine suppresses the outward signs of lycanthropy, it does not cure the disease. Suddenly stopping this medication can lead to howling, hirsutism/hyperpilosity and hyperactivity. Lycanophage must be a part of a complete treatment plan from your doctor...."
You should go read. It's pretty droll.
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15 comments:
Great.
So now I can look forward to a 2am commercial for some podunk lawyer asking - "Have you or a loved one been treated with Underbedscare Butylmelamine. If so,......"
But LOL.
"You know, I reckon I'd take my chances with the toenail fungus."
OR I COULD just wash my feet more.
Pffft, give me a pill.
Shootin' Buddy
Back in the '70s, I spent a great deal of time typing up little drug flash cards for a nursing student girlfriend. The task consisted of going through the PDR and transferring the dosage, usage, and warnings to 5x7 file cards.
Yeah, it was before computers.
But I quickly came to realize that the chemical formulae of nearly all drugs in the National Formulary ended in HCl (Hydrochloride). And they all had the same potential side effects -- headache, dizziness, stomach upset, nausea, rise/drop in blood pressure, and death.
I decided that the side effects were all due to the HCl, and not to the rest of the active ingredients in the drugs. I have seen nothing since to persuade me otherwise.
M
"Lycanophage can lead to you being pushed out of 40 story building onto a Lincoln Navigator or can lead you to being chopped up by a snow plow." :-D
"Half the time I don’t even know what the commercial is…
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever! How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy!" -- Greg Giraldo
Always did like that bit.
I like the Lovaza commercial, where the spokes-doctor walks around an underwater lab. How could you look more evil?
I like the one that goes "If you experience a loss of vision or hearing stop taking Cravanistol." Uh, yea, going blind and/or deaf would be a classic contraindication, wuoldn't it?
I believe one of Happy Fun Ball's side effects was "Non-intercourse pregnancy". (Might have been a different sketch; might have been a different show. I can't be arsed to look it up.)
My favorite was the real warning "Side effects may include dizziness, low blood pressure, or death. If you experience any of these contact your Doctor."
Sure, if I suddenly DIE after taking these meds, I'll be sure to tell my Doc.
" Lycanophage must be a part of a complete treatment plan from your doctor...."
I guess this leaves out colloidal silver. Unless you want to be a Smurf Lycanthrope.
treefroggy,
The idea of a weresmurf is going to have me lying awake tonight in a gold sweat, you bastard.
Er, "cold".
You know what I mean...
Too late. We now have the mental image of gilded Tam, a la "Goldfinger"...
What I know about lycanthropy I learned from Patricia Briggs (Moon called) and Kelley Armstrong (Bitten). And maybe a bit from a bad Michael J. Fox movie.
It isn't easy to get to be a werewolf.
Unless it is like the Vampire virus (McLendon's Syndrome, Robert Frezza), and is an STD. Yikes.
CAUTION: Always use a fresh 9v battery in your Sonic Shoggoth-B-Gone (tm). A weak power supply can cause the Tonal Command Pluse (tm) to shift from "Avoid" to "Attack/Rend!"
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