Friday, September 06, 2013

Kids these days...

So the talking heads in my TeeWee this morning were all a-flutter and in full hand-wringing mode over a report that more teens were using e-cigarettes.

Would you prefer they were using the real thing, Ms. "Journalist"?

You know, today's kids have something we didn't have: A mass communication system capable of taking things viral in no time flat. They need to take advantage of this fact and use it to prank the media.

High school kids should start posting videos of themselves snorting water.

Come up with a catchy slang term for it, like "getting damp". Tweet things like "anybody know where u can get good #damp in this town?"

Get it going viral, and wait to see how long it takes for an op ed column to call for banning the sale of water to minors.

Because you know they would. I think it's because these %$#@ers lie awake at night in a sweaty worry that they're not "hip" and "edgy" anymore, and so they want to ban anything people younger than them are doing to have a good time. If anybody deserved to have their career short-sheeted, it's these fun leeches.

28 comments:

  1. I'm very curious how long this thing is going to last. Richland is a town of around 50K, and you can't trip over a strip mall without finding at least two of these stores. For real, there have to be 12-15 stores specializing in vapor cigarettes that have opened in the last 6 months. Hope they have some tulip bulbs in the back a hedge against this fad burning out...

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  2. > Come up with a catchy slang term for it, like "getting damp".

    And once again, I'm ahead of the trend! (sarcasm) A few times in my life I've been working in a really dusty environment without adequate (i.e. ANY) air mask and have ended up with a nose and sinus full of cement dust, demolition mist, etc. A long snort from a cupped hand of water in the shower, followed up by the sudden yet inevitable sneeze, does wonders to purge the system.

    #TMI
    #getting_damp

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  3. Bobbi suggests we start Women Against Water Abuse. "WAWA". Catchy, no?

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  4. The way the cognoscenti are forging ahead, pretty soon they'll lobby for a felony rap for charging another kid an apple to let him whitewash your Aunt's fence.

    And let's ban apples while we're at it. And fences.

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  5. If the "#damp" can be linked to dihydrogen monoxide, especially if it's back-alley DHMO smuggled in by a shady individual with potentially nefarious connections to a cartel (which "may or may not be associated with politically conservative organizations"), the desired results will be guaranteed.

    Figure some way to incorporate guns into the story (dihydrogen monoxide "squirting" perhaps?) and it's tomorrow's NYT headline and the lead story on every 6 PM newscast. Plug in schoolchildren and every top cop in the country will saddle up as well.

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  6. Puritanism: The haunting feeling that someone somewhere may be happy. H L Mencken

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  7. and something needs to be done.

    Oh, the pain....

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  8. These kids are victims of government overregulation.

    Back when I was a teen, and even before that when I was in single digits, I could walk into any convenience store in the US and buy, for two redeemed glass soda pop bottles or one thin dime, CANDY CIGARETTES that had red dye #2 food coloring on one end to simulate tobacco combustion.

    Other than my propensity to eat the damn things instead of cooly pretending to smoke them, I'd still prefer these to sucking moist air from an electronic tube playing misty for me.

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  9. I think our neighbors are cooking Dihydrogen Monoxide.

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  10. Watch AMC's new show: Breaking Drip

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  11. Anonymous said...
    I think our neighbors are cooking Dihydrogen Monoxide.

    They are lucky. My first wife couldn't cook it.

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  12. It's too easy to get caught, the girls will have to soak their tampons and the boys will get out the hoses!

    #damp

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  13. Just, FYI
    I recently learned that you can get these things with no nicotine, and they can add caffeine. I can be like the cool kids only with more vibrating!
    I always joked about inhaling my caffeine, now I really can!
    WAWA-definitely ;)

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  14. Well, you know, the claim is that e-cigarettes are just a gateway to the real thing.

    Not that I give a damn either way. Let the kids smoke if they're that stupid. Just keep them off of my lawn.

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  15. Needs to be a couple of studies stating getting damped is bad for their noses and health before the media will start crying for "saving the children."

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  16. We need neti pot control now! You know you can get brain-eating amoebas with those things.

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  17. I would suggest using distilled Dihydrogen Monoxide with NaCl for a more comfortable experience.

    Maybe call it "the Wet Slam" as a play on the WoT(tm) latest torture technique.

    BTW, there is a convenience store chain in the PA/NJ/DL area named WAWA. They beat 7-11 like a rental car. 30yrs ago, if a WAWA opened across the street from a 7-11, the 7-11 would end up closing.

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  18. Duude! Check out these Damp Bongs! hand decorated! /tommy chong

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  19. Forget Damp...I just took a huge hit of pure unadulterated Air.

    Now that stuff is addicting...I already can't live without that shit.

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  20. So, rumors of electronic/vapor marijuana is just someone blowing smoke (vapor?) up my butt?

    Anyway, 1/8 tsp salt (non-iodized), 1/8 tsp baking soda, in a cup of mildly warm water. This mix buffers the sinuses, and makes the #damp more comfortable.

    Why, you can even order an appliance (mine came from India, but Walmart sells them, too) to #damp. I tend not to do this in public, but that is just me. Note that you can tilt your head to one side, and #damp into the upper nostril. If you then tilt your head down, the #damp runs out the opposite nostril, raise your head a bit and the deluge trickles out the mouth. Repeat on t'oher side. This four-way #damp will rinse/treat more of the sinuses, relieving more symptoms.

    Then there is the Saline Nasal Mist, #damp in a bottle. My doctor told me, in Phoenix, "Twice in each side, and blow. Clears up to a sinus infection without antibiotics, relieves allergies." Also helps clear things after being in a dusty place. Saline Nasal Mist comes in different brands, depending on the store -- usually a pharmacy or pharmacy department.

    But I would rather see our youth Neti Washing . . er, #damping, than doing snuff. Those silver snuff boxes are expensive, not to mention confusing them with snuff flicks, which have nothing to do with clearing the fingers of boogers.

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  21. *sigh*
    If they ban e-cigs, I guess the kids can always go back to smoking crack.

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  22. Damp is best cut with ground roasted coffee beans for that extra kick.

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  23. It has already started:

    http://www.blacklistednews.com/?news_id=23455

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  24. @greg: Fad? Well, that remains to be seen, but the recent upsurge in brick'n'mortar e-cig vendors is just a recapitulation of the the surge in web stores, some of whom also have meatspace stores. As a 'vaper' for over 3 years, I can say that I'm all in favor of this not being a fad, and I hope the verdamt gov-goons keep their paws off. I smoked for 29 years, and e-cigs are what has enable me to quit. I'll grant that it's not as good as completely giving up on inhalant intoxicants, but it's an improvement. And it costs less.

    @Brad K: Pot vaporizers have been around for a while.

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  25. I have never been a smoker, but just seeing one of the smarmy anti PSAs make me want to buy a pallet of unfiltered Camels and a Bic and get started.

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  26. >Come up with a catchy slang term for it, like "getting damp".

    It's called "vaping", actually.

    I was a 2 pack/day smoker for 30 years. My last cigarette was July 2010.

    I've gone from 30mg/ml of nicotine down to 18mg/ml, and will be dropping to 12mg soon.

    Consumables (e-liquid, cartomizers, batteries) cost me about 5-600 a year. 1/4 the cost of smokes...and I have it on good authority that it doesn't set off smoke detectors at FL380...(wink).

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  27. Just realized the "actually" bit sounds sorta smart-azzy.

    Wasn't meant that way, truly.

    Like jed, I'd prefer to see it *not* be quashed by gov't fiat.

    Another advantage to 'vaping' vs smokes...lots of flavor choices. Everything from blueberry to snickerdoodles.

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  28. Tough, Mike. In Obama's America, anything not mandatory is forbidden.

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