Word of the Day: How to Speak Tamarese

Bearthread {bār-thrĕd} (n.) Interminable discussion threads on internet gun fora devoted to rationalizing purchase of exotic firearms solutions to fantastically unlikely problems. 

"The Taurus Judge is the concrete, physical world manifestation of too much bearthread."

Incidentally, if any Hoosiers are looking to rationalize a magnum revolver purchase, here ya go.

I wonder if anyone has any 10mm Trophy Bonded Bear Claw in stock?

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Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Kleptocordage: (klep'-tō-kôrd-ij) n.

1. A string or chain used to secure anything, but especially a pen, to keep it from being stolen.

"I used some 550 cord to make kleptocordage for my pen, attaching it to my clipboard. Now maybe those thieving heathens in the maintenance department will stop wandering off with it."

Overheard in the Hallway:

Me: "I feel the need... the need to sneed. Sneed isn't a word, but it should be. What's it mean?"

RX: "It's the past tense of the verb 'to snee'."

Me: "Ah. So, 'I snee; you snee; he/she/it snees; we..."

RX: "...have been sneed. It's from the Latin snevius, which is the act of separating fly poop from small grains of finely-ground black spices."

Me: "That was traditionally done by slave girls from the eastern Mediterranean, known as Sneviatrixes."

RX: "Ah, but by the later Republic, it had become a respected, and often well-paid profession."

Me: "Indeed. Tacitus even claimed that the favorite mistress of the emperor Claudius was reputed to have been a former Sneviatrix."

So I was being grammatically incorrect. I should have said "I feel the need... the need to have sneed."

And with that, I'm off to the grocery store. (And yes, that's fairly typical for Roseholme Cottage dialog...)

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Wookie-suiter: (whuh'-kē soo'-tər) n.

A libertarian. Esp. one who owns multiple Mosin-Nagants and a longbox full of comic books, reads science fiction, and refers to their minivan as the "Millennium Falcon".

"I am not a wookie-suiter! I don't even own a minivan; the Millennium Falcon is a BMW convertible!"

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Jesus handle: (jē'-zŭs hăn'-dəl) n.

1. The grab bar or handle in a vehicle that you instinctively lunge for as the driver causes it to pull G's around a corner. So named for the involuntary exclamation of "Jesus!" as you do so. "I hate riding in the mountains in your car; it doesn't have a Jesus handle on the passenger's side."

See also: "Oh F__k bar".

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Writing stick: (rī'-tĭng stĭk) n.

Pen, pencil, magic marker, crayola; any object used to make marks on paper. "He's not in, can I take a message? Whoops, wait a minute; I have something to scribble on, but I can't find a writing stick."

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Heirlump: (ār'-lŭmp) n.

1. A family relic believed to be worth far more than it is; like an heirloom, but junk. "Mr. Smith wants $200 for his grandpa's old $49 shotgun; he doesn't realize it's just an heirlump."

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Ski Makeup: (skē māk'-ŭp) n.

1. Way too damn much makeup; Tammy Faye face; warpaint. "She was wearing ski makeup. You know: six-inch base, twelve-inch powder."

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Whamdigious: (wŏm-dĭdj'-yŭs) adj.

1. Of exceedingly large size; whopping, gynormous. "I wanted to buy a tee shirt, but the only kinds they had left were babydolls too small to fit on an actual baby doll and these whamdigious ones I could have used for a pup tent."

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Sh_t tickets: (shĭt tĭk'-ĕts) n.

1. Toilet paper: "Whoah! Don't go in there yet! We're fresh out of sh_t tickets!"

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Lazy Stick: (lā'-zē stik) n.

1. Remote Control. "Turn on the A/C, please. It's that blue button on the lazy stick next to your hand."