Thursday, September 03, 2009

College students, take note!

In this age of tightening budgets and soaring tuition costs, getting hammered can require selling a textbook or, worse, pawning your X-Box.

Never fear, however: A group of intrepid consumer reporters has thrown caution and their livers to the wind in the search for the Best Cheap Hooch of '09, just in time for back to school! Beverages are rated for color, bouquet, flavor, and similarity of aftertaste to common workshop solvents. See how your favorite libation stacks up: Clickety.


(H/T to Lissa.)

19 comments:

HTRN said...

Bum Wine did a similar testing of cheap fortified wine a coupla years ago.

Jay G said...

Any comparison of cheap malt liquor that doesn't include Heffenreffer (the original green death) is made of fail...

ktzf said...

Mickeys...get drunk and try to figure out the riddle on the bottle cap.

Back during the Great Peanut Butter scare of '06 (right before the Great Fulton MO blizzard of '06), my room mate and I raided the dorms of all our friends, the kitches of both our own and other fraternity houses, other apartments in our school owned complex, and the kitchen at the dining all, and managed to scrounge together enough to get the cash for three bottles of Jose and two of the cheap $3/gallon Papa Stalin Vodka.

We also once sold four pairs of jeans, two tee shirts, and a pair of broken Oakley sunglasses to the second hand store in town to get a bottle of Jose Pepe to last us a weekend (Thursday to Sunday around noon).

This new generation of college student lacks the needed survival skills to get the good hooch.

Word Verification:
Kleep- slang term for a klepto who steals peanut butter to get booze.

Weer'd Beard said...

Heh, been there, done that. I prefer spending a bit more, and drinking a lot less these days.

May have a Booker's Bourbon tonight!

Tam said...

I knew where this was going when they eschewed Budweiser as too upmarket...

Jay G said...

Tam, when I was in college we considered Stroh's to be a "premium" beer...

Laughingdog said...

This makes me glad that I got the heavy drinking out of my system while I was in the Navy. You don't have to sink so low when you actually receive a paycheck twice a month.

However, I wish I had waited until I got home to read this instead of doing it here at work. Holding the laughter in was not easy after reading things like "Okay, sure. But would this impress the guests when served in the good china?"

Mike W. said...

KTZF - My dad used to go around the dorms telling stories about how either his car broke down or he needed gas money. He and his friends would gather enough change this way to buy beer for the weekend. Underhanded but genius!

The lowest I ever went in college was Beast, Natty Light, or PBR. Natty Ice sometimes too. Keystone Light or Bud/Bud Light were "a step up."

I did drink National Bohemian from time to time, but never actually bought it.

Anonymous said...

Back in the day, that day being sometime in the late '80s, we drank Black Label (aka Black Labs) for the astonishing price of $9.99 for a case.

Brass

HTRN said...

I remember the joys of seeing Stroh 30 packs on sale for 11 bucks, and filling up the shopping cart..

And then throwing an impromptu tailgate party in the parking lot :) Ah to be 18 again.

Crucis said...

On another note, a KC student attending college in Georgia was shot and killed on campus while walking to class. She got too close to a fight and dropped into the collateral damage category.

Just another victim of a gun-free school zone.

perlhaqr said...

I'm sticking with Arrogant Bastard. $3.50 a bomber, 8% ABV.

Les Jones said...

Tam, I noticed that they didn't include Miller High Life, thus proving once and for all it's a snooty premium brand for us discriminating beer connoisseurs.

Standard Mischief said...

Go to a brew supply store and get some hops and use 190 proof grain to make a strong extract.

Then get a forty ounce of something "high gravity" malt liquor, and give it a shot of your hops extract.

VoilĂ ! Ghetto IPA!

(disclaimer: Haven't tried this yet. I also only recommend this only for the brave)

rickn8or said...

Ah, yes. PBR. Way back in the day, one of my Flight Engineers would refer to it as "Redneck Fuel".

Anonymous said...

PBR ASAP

BobG said...

When I was in college it was Schlitz for 88¢ a sixpack, and they threw in church key.

Rick R. said...

I was in Basic at the Fort Benning Boarding School for Boys, about half way through and enjoying my wondrous 4-hour pass to celebrate Independence Day, when my buddies and I discovered three key facts:

1. By swapping our mandatory helmet liners for soft caps (which we had previously blocked and starched surrepticiously, so they didn't look "trainee fresh"), we could wander out of Harmony Church and onto Main Post, and no one noticed (our pass was restricted to the Brigade area).

2. The PX's outside the trainee areas don't card privates who don't look like trainees. (A couple of us had PV2 or PFC stripes.)

3. The PX was having a sale on beer. Specifically, cases of Red White & Blue and Shaeffer's, for $4 a case.

Seven privates (the oldest being barely 19, me as the youngest at 17), seven cases of beer, 45 minutes to get our drunk on in teh woodline before stumbling off in search of chili cheese dogs.

Did you know that if you vomit explosively enough into the "out" tray of a cigarette machine, you can splash it into the product display windows on top?

And that beer vomit will completely remove the spitshine off teh jump boots of a Ranger detailed to MP duty, leaving him absolutely frozen in disbelief?

I have been that drunk and that sick exactly ONE other time in my life, and that was when my idiot buddy waited until I was already toasty before slipping the waitress an extra $20 to slip a shot of tequila into EVERY drink I ordered/

Kristopher said...

What's the word?