Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I'm not normally a big crusader for tidiness, but...

I believe I have previously mentioned my distaste with the roadside memorial; specifically the ones that always get encrusted with plastic flowers, stuffed animals, photos, and votive candles and are only a headless chicken and a couple of vévés away from being a full-blown Santeria altar. Please, folks, if I ever shuffle off this mortal coil in some gruesome roadside fireball, don't anybody use it as an excuse to get down and tacky with their inner velvet Elvis and turn the site of my demise into a shrine to Our Lady of Crap I Won From That Claw Machine You Put Quarters In.

Anyhow, apparently Illinois is going to start selling roadside Voudoun shrine starter kits. You gotta draw your own vévés, though.

14 comments:

genedunn said...

What I don't get is why this is only appropriate for highway deaths. Why aren't our sidewalks littered with shrines to the previously departed? How come when little Taylor dies in a tragic accident they must build one of these things on the side of the road, but when Taylor has a massive coronary in the living room or mowing the lawn, that doesn't get a memorial?

Anonymous said...

No, remember, we are having you stuffed and put in the lobby of Coal Creek Armory with a red button on your forehead:

"Welcome to Coal Creek, y'all."

Shootin' Buddy

TotC said...

Having never seen one of these on a curved named "the widowmaker" or "undertaker's delight" you gotta wonder what the person behind the wheel was doing when stupid jumped up and kicked their ass.

og said...

Monkeys. It's about "Distracted driving" too, the most recent shibboleth of the left. But apparently all "Distracted driving" is a result of cellphone use. Shit, long before cellphones existed, women were getting smeared all over the highway for putting makeup on or changing clothes in the car; men were bursting into flames WATCHING those women, or eating, or bent over digging under the seat looking for that Foreigner 8 track, or any one of a million other things. The bottomline is people driving while stupid. Start suspending licenses for DWS, and
1: the roads would be clearer, and
2: fatalities would plummet

My 110+ miles a day would be a lot pleasenter, too.

I myself would handmake a memorial to be placed on the side of the road everytime a stupid person was prevented from driving. I'd be busy, too. And people would cheer, I tell you, when they saw the perfectly aligned rows of 6" tall red X'es marking the grave of another moron's driver's license.

WV: owellym These kinds of restrictions arfe a little owellym, don't you think?

staghounds said...

"New driver distractions to mark deaths caused by distracted drivers in 2011"

There, fixed it.

ZerCool said...

Nope, Tam, your roadside memorial is going to be a large-scale mockup of a Lorcin .32 (in aluminum diamondplate, for the *bling*) ... it's tacky, inexpensive, and has nothing whatsoever to do with your personality, just like the rest of 'em.

Borepatch said...

Or do it right.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking more of the old Burma Shave signs.

Speed was high
Weather was not
Tires were thin
X marks the spot

Gerry

George said...

Oh YES! More distractions. Why stop there? We need more excuses for the DWS (isn't that a beautiful description?) and further opportunities.

Jeeze ... what do those people drink in IL? Is it the water?

Regards.

Ancient Woodsman said...

I suppose they will mail your memorial kit to you in a box that has suggested yoga poses on it?

Divemedic said...

There is a particular memorial in the town where a particular paramedic works, and this memorial is clustered around a 10" diameter oak tree on the side of the road. That particular tree was where the car that was being driven at 110 miles an hour by three teenagers (aged 17 to 19 years) came to rest at 2 o'clock in the morning. Two of them died in the accident.

The particular medic who responded to that accident has been very tempted to add a sign to the memorial tree that says:
-------> Head hit here <--------

treefroggy said...

How about a never-ending pile of spent brass ?

B Smith said...

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that these things cost $150 a pop, for a standardized 'memorial' with a state-approved message?
How sick is it to generate revenue from someone's traffic fatality (even if the proceeds DID go to improving that particular dangerous intersection, or enforcement of DUI laws...any takers on that sucker bet?)

mts1 said...

I would've put a PJ O'Rourke bobblehead at the site of your crash, but since you want no roadside memorial...

This was never a thing in the U.S. until the 80's, but was always a thing in Europe. I'm surprised the d.p.'s from Catholic East Europe took so long to make their roadside shrines an American staple. Shrines just aren't around in Protestant countries, with the U.S. being the exception, while shrines abound in Catholic countries.

I wonder what the mark-up on Illinois shrines is. I can make a nice one for $10-20 in materials.