Saturday, September 04, 2010

What do you get when you cross Colonel Sanders and Mother Theresa?

Brian J. Noggle wonders what will happen when the "Raising Chickens In Your Backyard" fad peters out:
Ergo, when their circumstances change, when they get tired of them, or when they reach the end of the hens’ productive years, people are going to need to get rid of these damn birds. Are they going to slaughter them? Of course not! They’d just as soon slay their bichon frise or lifestyle accessory only child.
Where a hippie sees a problem, a capitalist sees a profit opportunity.

29 comments:

Brian J. said...

You give me too much credit. My goal is not capitalism, my goal is to pay myself a nice, six-figure salary from donations to my non-profit and then parlay that into either an industry-advocacy position (such as the Council on Urban Livestock and Livery Societies), perhaps moving onto a position with the government's forthcoming cabinet-level Department of Pets, Livestock, and Animal Welfare.

It's the 21st century. Capitalism is for suckers.

Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story.

Tam said...

When you humanely dispose of the chickens, there's no need to tell the previous owners that your cremation ovens are set a lot closer to 350°F than 2000°F.

rickn8or said...

I'm seeing huge flocks of feral chickens roaming the streets...

Grant Cunningham said...

Phase 1: Collect chickens.
Phase 2: ??
Phase 3: Profit!!

Jim said...

Without the slightest ironic intent: Getting government out of the way of keeping a few chickens in the back yard should be one of the litmus tests of libertarianism.

---

W/V: glyropto. Didn't Labrat explain the physics thesethings recently?

Tam said...

He's looking at a 501(c), so technically it'd be "Phase 3: nonProfit!!"

:D

Anonymous said...

Oddly enough, keeping chickens in your backyard is legal in DC, so it doesn't really fly as a Libertarian test.

Chris

Steve Skubinna said...

Damn, in another generation watch for the urban legends of giant albino chickens roaming the DC sewers.

Anonymous said...

Tam,

The 350 degree comment made me think of this.

Brass

Ancient Woodsman said...

Yes, the funeral will be at 350 for about 45 minutes and be followed by fellowship with a nice chicken dinner.

With rolls.

Brad K. said...

As long as there are dog owners that ignore the leash laws, feral chicken populations will never grow to significant size.

I keep a few chickens. About six years ago a neighbor asked me to take three adult chickens. Now, I keep bantams, and these were standard full-sized chickens - two hens and a rooster. They were leftovers from that Easter's cute chicks. For some weird reason they grew to adulthood, and weren't as much fun as the chicks (probably painted cuddly colors to delight the granddaughter).

Then the neighbor's dogs forced open the closed gate to the chicken run. I got home to two dogs locked in the chicken run, and heaps of dead (all of them) chickens. Grr. It was Christmas day - I let the neighbor pick up the dogs. He replaced the chickens.

Tim said...

In Kauai, Hawaii, there are feral cats and feral chickens all over. It's hilarious to watch them stalking each other.

perlhaqr said...

Hrmmm, I wonder how bichon frise tastes with a nice tomato sauce.

Brian J. said...

Like chicken.

Heath said...

lolz ^


And I have to throw a bit of a wet blanket on your idea...

Old played out laying hens need to be stewed all day, and fixed with dumplings, otherwise they are tougher than boot leather.

350 for 45 min simply isn't enough :-P

Just an FYI

Tam said...

Hey you, get off of my cloud.

:p

Owen said...

just make hen au vin, instad of coq au vin.

Marja said...

When I was a kid (60's to 70's) chicken dinner on Sunday was usually an old hen from one of nearby farms. We'd go there, the hen's neck was wrung, usually by the owner but sometimes by my mother, we'd go home and she'd pluck it, cook it first in a pot and then put it in the oven. What I remember is that they tasted somewhat different than what you get from the store now, but not bad at all, especially with a sauce (a bit dry without).

I usually had also known the pork we ate during the winter personally during the previous summer. Piglets are cute, but since I had also been several times terrorized by a mean full-grown pig I didn't have any problems eating them. And back then it was still legal to slaughter them behind the sauna, so I have seen that part several times as a child too.

So, what do you think the modern child welfare officials would think if a parent allowed their toddler to preteen kid witness those things now? Especially here in Northern Europe.

Marja said...

On second thought, don't tell me what you think. Living here can be depressing enough as it is.

Anonymous said...

Chicken and dumplings are the only way to go with an old tough hen or rooster. Especially when your lovely bride make excellent dumplings.

t.kubic said...

In San Juan Bautista, CA feral chickens running around the downtown area are part of the tourist attraction.

Firehand said...

I've known a few people who kept them- especially when living on the edge of town- to keep the bugs down, they're very good at it. Mice, too; chickens eat ANYTHING.

Marja, 'way back I got over the 'piglets are cute' thing when helping dad work on a guys farm. The pointed out the sow and specifically warned me to stay the hell away from her AND the fence near her; he had to be careful around her, very nasty-tempered bitch. Never had any problem with bacon or ham after that.

Zendo Deb said...

Egg layers that pass their prime used to be called stewing chickens - as opposed to fryers. (This assumes they haven't been given a steady diet of hormones and chemicals - like at production egg farms.)

And they aren't that much worse than cleaning fish, really.

Will said...

Dirty Jobs did a day of chicken catching in Miami. Everyone running around with butterfly nets. Catch and cage. Oh, and they can fly short distances! LOL!!

wv: dings...

og said...

salt/pepper stewing hens in a crock pot full of beer with some onions, garlic, tabasco, and let 'em soak 8-10 hours... then pull the meat off the bone and mix in some que sauce, makes a good pulled chicken sammich. best thing, really, for an old hen.

Used to keep a couple layers when I was a kid, and the day before vacation we made crock-pot pulled chicken sammiches to take with us on our trip. Always worked out fine.

skidmark said...

I know I'm late to the party (as usual) but I was looking for this story I had recently read about some guy that made a hippy cry over free-range chicken. Something about "the taste of fear."

Read here: http://blog.snoozebuttonronin.com/2010/09/a-good-exchange/

h/t to Gay G. for the link.

stay safe.

wv= sublile: a non-blatant untruth?

Matt G said...

You have sparked a conversation at our house. I've always assumed that we would eat our chickens as they quit laying. One of our hens is molting, which stops the laying, and has caused speculation about whether the 20 month old hen is going to resume laying. She's a fat hen, and very healthy, at this point, being free-range and organically fed. I would be proud to have her in any chicken dish of mine, and said so to my wife. She told me that the kids wouldn't go for it.

I wasn't able to bring this up the way that I would prefer to, to the kids. Instead, the question was thrown across the house, without preamble: "Kids, you couldn't eat Yolky, could you?"

Bah. One day, Yolky's going to "go missing." I warned them not to name our livestock.

Ken said...

After observing this year's paltry and crappy (back yard) apple harvest, I told my kids, "Next spring I spray, robins or no robins. If that means smashed eggs or dead birds under the tree, that's the way it's going to be. My tree, not theirs."

I only use neem oil anyway, it being a suburban neighborhood with neighbors close by (and not wanting to shut down the back yard for an extended re-entry interval). The label is silent with regard to avian toxicity.

Anonymous said...

"One day, Yolky's going to "go missing."

My uncle had a very annoying rooster at one time. It would crow very loudly at any damn time it pleased.

Said rooster suffered a very tragic accident. Accident, yes indeed. Seemed to have encountered a stray .22 round...