Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Aunt Stabby's Relationship Tips:


If I make you a cup of coffee and it tastes like crap, do not fling the Jamaican Blue Mountain into the herbaceous border while making a face like a little kid eating broccoli and whine "This coffee is criminal!" because coffee, no matter how poorly it tastes, is not criminal, but me beating you to your knees with the coffee pot like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas most certainly is, and we don't neither of us want that.

(Incidentally, watching old commercials throws doubts on the premise behind Idiocracy and makes me want to give someone at Arnold Worldwide or Crispin Porter + Bogusky a great big hug.)

57 comments:

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Well, in truth, one doubts that her coffee was Jamaican Blue Mountain :) But I get where you're coming from.

JohninMd(help!) said...

Yeah. Gotta love them ol' commercials...still remember Grannie on the Beverly Hillbillies talkin' up Winston tasting "like a cigerette hadda-aughta." Yeesh.

docjim505 said...

This sort of thing is why the phrase, "Then make it your-damned-self" was invented.

Anonymous said...

Ok, well, yeah but you KNOW that Idiocracy was right.

phlegmfatale said...

Reminds me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

Noah D said...

but you KNOW that Idiocracy was right.

No, not really. The costumes and sets may change, the dialogue will have variations, but it's really just the same play, over and over again.

Old NFO said...

+1 onb Noah D! And yeah, coffee is GOOD! :-)

Bubblehead Les. said...

Unfortunately, guys like Hubbie Poo nowadays tend to break out the Glock when the Wifie Poo says "Enough!" and goes out to meet the Divorce Lawyer....

Anonymous said...

Also I'm sure in social context of the time this was an absurdist over-the-top advert, that you were meant to laugh at.

Blast Hardcheese said...

I always prefer the PPPT (Patented Pesci Pen Technique), myself. Nothing like a little arterial spray from the 'ol jugular to give someone a new perspective on the important things in life.

Anonymous said...

*scribbles notes*

Shootin' Buddy

Anonymous said...

Sure got feminazi in here all of a sudden. Threatening to beat someone to death with a coffee pot because he behaves like a twat about bad coffee? Give me a fucking break. You should be ashamed of yourself.

dave said...

Yes, because Aunt Stabby has always been all about subtlety and finesse, and has never exaggerated for comic effect.

Panamared said...

No doubt that the culture of the day was male dominated, but I would argue that if TV is the measure of culture, then today's culture has swung the opposite direction. At least it seems to me that most of the characters on the tube don't quite make at the way to room temp IQ's. Remember that generational differences are at least as real as cultural differences.

Tam said...

"Sure got feminazi in here all of a sudden."

Lighten up, Francis.

Joel said...

When bad coffee gets made in the Secret Lair, I have to wave my finger in my own face.

Actually I seem to recall seeing that ad on TV way back when, and even then my reaction was something on the order of "WTF?" Though we had not yet learned to speak in acronyms back then.

Marc S said...

I suspect that commercials reflect reality as well then as now.

Tam said...

Marc S,

Didn't say they didn't.

Commercials sure haven't gotten any dumber, though.

staghounds said...

I notice that SHE wasn't drinking it...

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

It's amazing how many anonymous cowards can't recognize a joke -- and feel that they have to tell you about it.

I blame Bush. Er, Obama.

Sigivald said...

We're all ignoring the most important question.

Which is, "can Tam actually make good coffee or not?"

I'm betting on "yes".

Justthisguy said...

I mind Florence King's story about the guest to whom she offered some wine. That mouth-breathing bimbo, having no breeding, or manners, or anything, came back at Miss King with "What's the selection?"

Miss King seemed kinda peeved at that, judging by what she wrote next.

Justthisguy said...

P.s. I don't think I'd turn down free coffee, even if it were really bad, unless I could honestly say something like: "Um, thank you for the kind offer, but as you can probably see by the way I'm twitching, I think I've already had too much today."

At that point a sensitive empathetic well-mannered hostess would probably say something like, "OK, howzabout some beer, instead?"

Robin said...

Sigivald, I'm betting that if she can't, I ain't gonna be the one to tellher.

Joseph said...

Like the old saying goes "what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?*"

On another tangent, I have a friend who gets all pissed off when he sees that Bo Dietl commercial (CP+B), not because he's a Subway fan, but because he hates Bo on a personal level, very deeply. This fact amuses me to no end when we're watching games on Sunday.



*nothing you haven't told her twice

Justthisguy said...

See, Joseph, the way I was raised (Southern), you never ever punch a woman, even if you know she's one of the crazy ones who gets off on that kind of thing, because that would be, well, common.

"Common" was a shaming word, nay, a killing word, my Mom used when she had seen me do something bad.

Angus McThag said...

When my wife makes bad coffee, I drink it with a smile; if I know what's good for me.

Tam said...

Joseph,

"Like the old saying goes "what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?*""

Ooh, I know that one!

You say "Oh, God, please don't shoot me!" :D

Geodkyt said...

See, I don't see Tam's snarky comments as "feminazi".

I see them as "attractive".

Like some Republican politician (I forget which one) when the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal broke, saying, "If that was me, what I'd be hearing next is my wife saying, 'How do you reload this damned thing?' while lying in a pool of my own blood." H-A-W-T. {chuckle}

I already own a doormat -- whyinthehell would I want to marry somone who would allow herself to be treated that way? She sure as Hell isn't going to be any use in a critical situation, that's for damned sure. Not even in a "pass me ammo" or "watch in case the hurricane blows a tree down on me" sense -- she'll be all verklempt and self-defeated at the very beginning.

Someone like Tam, OTH, isn't going to be useless. If the price of that is either "drink shitty coffee" or "make it my owndamnself", well, I know how to gulp and smile (Mom was the worst cook. . . ever), and I also have mastered the esoteric art of "scoop grounds into the coffee pot".

Justthisguy said...

Our Tam is obviously not one of the crazy ones who gets off on that kind of thing.

As Erin Pizzey pointed out, women like that do exist, and their existence can be very annoying to, and cause trouble for, the more mild-mannered of either sex.

Wimmen (and men) tend to like a leader-type guy. Being a leader is not the same as being a thug and a bully, except maybe among the chimpanzees.

pax said...

@Geodykt ~ That was Dick Armey.

armedlaughing said...

"Dick Armey" (chuckle)
Sorry. channeling Peter Griffin over here. :-)

gfa

Justthisguy said...

Geod, I see them as "grumpy." I could see the grumpiness on Tam's face, even years ago, in her "yachting" photo, and I honor her for that.

I, m'self, did not achieve True Grumpiness until I was well past middle age and the scales fell from my eyes.

Tam was obviously aware of the score many years before I was.

Noah D said...

I like your punchline (SORRY) better, Tam. :)

The still that the video is on when the page loads, I keep expecting her to bite the first joint of his finger off.

Also, feminazi? Nah, just a demonstration of the difference between 'impolite' and 'criminal'.

Accuracy in speaking, as in other pursuits, is important.

Anonymous said...

Men and women bully each other as much today as ever. It just takes different forms. -- Lyle

Ancient Woodsman said...

The rule here is that, " Those who do not drink coffee shall not make it for those that do"

Having been raised in a housefull off double-xs, me being the lone y for much of my youth meant protecting same double-xs as well as learning to automatically put the seat down, and to smile a "thank you" regardless of the quality of food or drink that is offered. Among other things that help make life bearable and worth it; violence over beverages just doesn't add up...but humor over the same can be priceless!

NAVIGATOR said...

TAM DID YACHTING??? WE MUST TALK ITS OK ILL MAKE THE COFFEE DOES TAM SAIL ?

Justthisguy said...

Tam ain't no kind of feminazi. I do believe that there are such, but Tam ain't one of them. She calls them as she sees them, as a weird Grumpy outlier!

We really do need to found the Grumpy Party. I know at least one woman, a grumpy old spinster with whom I have rubbed mucus membranes long ago, who is ready to join up. She's pretty smart, knows lotsa stuff, and is GRUMPY.

Justthisguy said...

P.s. I do wish I could persuade her to buy some ammo, and exercise with her piece, which I helped her to pick out.

Not only that, but I bought her a box of extra-loud +P+ Cor-Bon ammo for her piece, and as far as I know, she hasn't even queried S&W to see if they are safe to shoot in her 442!

(Tam, could you advise us about this?)

She seems to be pre-occuppied with picketing and suing the $cientologists, which is all well and good, but there are other, and bigger, demons to slay, dammit!

Steve Skubinna said...

I am glad that we agree that neither of us wants you to go all Pesci on me with a coffee pot.

On the other hand, I would not object to watching you do the Pesci on somebody who deserves it. I can send you a list of candidates.

Oleg Volk said...

Tam isn't grumpy. I like her company. She makes good coffee,too.

Being abusive to her would get a person dismissed as an imbecile, as no sane individual can be that suicidal. But those who think she's a feminazi obviously missed her Real Lady aspect.

Anonymous said...

OK, not proud to admit this, but...

If you make the wife the husband and vice-versa....
And instead of the wife always making the coffee, it's the husband always making the food...
And instead of an overtly rude rejection of the coffee, you get a reasonably polite rejection of the food...

...this commercial is about me and my wife.

Alath
Carmel IN

...and, increasingly, my kids are on my wife's team.

Justthisguy said...

Oleg, you have met her IRL. I have not done so. She comes across on the 'net as grumpy.

I see nothing wrong with being grumpy, either IRL, or on the 'net. I do believe that anyone who lives to a sufficient age, has an IQ well into three digits, and pays attention to what is going on in the world, will inevitably end up being somewhat grumpy.

Being grumpy is no reason not to mind one's manners, and I do humbly beg pardon for rudenesses I have committed in the comments at Tam's blog.

This is one of the reasons I go to church, to try to ameliorate my grumpiness, somewhat.

Justthisguy said...

Alath, we can read about that kind of thing all we like in the androsphere, but if you are like me, you have aged out of the boy-and-girl game. I read those guys for amusement, as I read SF, not expecting a supraluminal trip to another star, nor either to get laid.

I am just happy to be able to communicate with fellow grumpy old people of either sex, and bitch and complain about how things are going to Hell. Oh, they are, you know!

Brigid said...

I find that cutting the fresh baked banana bread with a Japanese Samuri sword while my "just woke up" red hair is standing straight up, usually discourages any disparaging coffee chatter from the menfolk.

Justthisguy said...

Whoops! I recently emailed the gal I mentioned in my comment above, and told her where to find said comment.

I stand by what I wrote in the comment, that in general, she needs to exercise with her piece, and maybe should ask Tam about the safety of using the dangerously loud Cor-Bon cartridges in her 442.

Noah D said...

Mmm, banana bread. With walnuts, yes?

Temnota said...

Very thin slices of walnut, I'm guessing.

Jay G said...

"Takes no shit" != "feminazi".

A pity some cannot tell the difference.

Justthisguy said...

Jay, Tam has admitted to being an outlier, and not as other wimmin. She is neither a "feminazi" nor an average normal woman. She is just Tam, and there is only one of her. Let us all look out for her.

Ed Foster said...

Blast Hardcheese for the with, with Angus McThag honorable mention.

And, to add even more chauvanism, a seriously cute lady. Always did have a thing for the young Mary Tyler Moore types.

I also hope she knees him in the cookies and screws his brother.

Roberta X said...

As I have never made terrible coffee (and have made good coffee from the moment I discovered manual-drip coffeemakers), I have never had this happen to me -- but in my brief fling at committing wedlock, I learned to not surprise himself with "new and different" foodstuffs. I don't think he ever called it criminal or threw it on the houseplants, at least. But guys with the same attitude as the young man in the ad are common -- in both senses of the word.

Justthisguy said...

Yup, Roberta, seems like you got a bad 'un. One of the great selling points of Marriage 1.0, from a man's point of view, was the prospect of marrying a skilled and creative cook, like my Dear Dead Mom. That boy you mentioned was obviously incapable of appreciating what he had.

The way to a man's heart really does lie through his stomach; every time a woman has cooked me a good meal and I ate it, I developed feelings of love and affection for her. Yep, "common" is the word for that guy.

Justthisguy said...

Speaking of my Mom, Noah, banana bread, with walnuts, was one of her specialities. She was really good with the custard and the banana pudding, too. Dammit, you got me to salivating, you!

P.s. Proverbs 31: 10-31 is an _exact_ description of my Mom, and I read it aloud at her funeral, to the approbation of all who were present.

Also, I have seen her high school yearbook picture. She was quite the babe.

Now do y'all see why I find the general run of wimmin so disappointing, with an impossibly high standard like that with which to compare them?

The Great and Powerful Oz said...

No, I don't believe Tam makes good coffee. At best, coffee is a vile-tasting caffeine delivery system. Bleah.

phigmeta said...

Tam,

Your hot, good with a gun, like to be barefooted...

....why ain't you in my kitchen making me some damn coffee?

Anonymous said...

I dunno... she's got that cute pouty thing going on, and it sure seems like she enjoys the discipline...