Saturday, January 10, 2009

Sea WHAT?!?

Liberty Girl has directed my attention to PETA's literally unbelievably moronic "Sea Kitten" campaign.

Fine.

No Sea Kittens for me.

Instead, the Japanese assure me that idiot tree-hugging hippies taste like pork, and I just got a brand new bottle of barbecue sauce. I gotta get down to the DNR office and see if migratory hippie season is open yet.

Seriously, though, while I'm not actually going to turn to long pig, especially of the stringy, bong-water marinated variety, there's something y'all PETA-philes need to understand; a primal difference in our thought processes, okay?

While I have been assured that fish don't have feelings, let me let you in on a little secret: It wouldn't matter to me if they did. The way salmon tastes, I wouldn't care if it begged for mercy on the hook, screamed all the way to the table, and struggled going down. Can you grok that? I am an omnivore. It is a fish. Omnivores will eat anything they can run down, outwit, or beat wrestling, two falls out of three. Fish fall into that category. Case closed. Yum.

35 comments:

Carteach0 said...

Oh DAMN!

I just laughed so hard, I think Pasta came out my nasal cavity.

Buffboy said...

That's the way to tell em. But this evening venison, it's what's for dinner.

WV: balaterl I just know that has something to do deepfrying and football.

B Smith said...

Well, we already have the catfish, a delicacy in some parts of the south. Never thought all that much of it m'self (tho I never turned down a plate of it, either).
But I'm with you---when 'sea kittens' include trout, I'll be a kitty-catchin' fool.
Taaaaasty.

Billy Beck said...

I really don't understand.

If we're not supposed to eat animals... well, how come they're made of meat?

I don't understand...

staghounds said...

Oh, if one speaks salmon, they do. The begging is the best part...

DirtCrashr said...

I like Mahi-Mahi especially, they taste real good. Sea kittens is an attack on children by retards.

Breda said...

mmm, bacon wrapped sea kittens.

JHardin said...

Oh my god. I should send PETA a bill for all my valuable brain cells they just killed with that website.

Better yet, I think I'll send them a sea kitten in a box - without any water or dry ice.

og said...

"Omnivores will eat anything they can run down, outwit, or beat wrestling, two falls out of three. Fish fall into that category. Case closed. Yum"

Sorry, just thought that bore repeating.

Ed Foster said...

Once again Ma'am, I owe you. I went on the PETA site, and laughed myself silly.

Then, I erased the canned message about saving the Sea Kittens and put in one thanking Dr. Hall and all the boys and girls at F&WL for a great job done with the $600 or so I give them every year in license fees and Pittman-Robertson excise tax on several thousand dollars worth of target shooting ammo and reloading components.

I take a certain pleasure in knowing the PETA people sent my message for me, even at the infinetesimal cost of an e-mail.

Fish and Wildlife. I picture a nice fire on the beach, some Buffett music, good food, plenty of booze, some scant bikinis....

kbarrett said...

You can help spread the word of this wonderful new campaign by adding one of their Sea Kitten banner ads to your blog.

I think we should all help PeTA show the world exactly how they think.

I wonder what they think about Kitten Huffing?

Julie said...

mmm, salmon ... yum - i think i'll see if i can locate some for dinner tonight!

... I blogged on the "Sea Kitten" thing the other day after coming across a "news" article on it ... the best thing about original PETA article is the cute cat/fish type pictures they had on there.

Oh, and i've decided to adopt the following line "I'm off sea-kittening" although it doesn't quite have have the same ring!

Love Omnivores will eat anything they can run down, outwit, or beat wrestling, two falls out of three. Fish fall into that category. Case closed.

LabRat said...

Fish don't have feelings? Bullshit. Not something we can readily relate to, maybe, but pain and fear? Sure- depending on the species, you can pretty much stress them to death.

Do I eat fish? I fucking LOVE seafood.

Now, seeing live octopus on travel-food shows and Iron Chef bothers me, because I'm about 99% sure they not only feel, but are intelligent enough to understand they're about to die painfully... but that doesn't mean I pass up the tako when the sashimi platter comes.

P.S. "Sheet Kittens ftw

Cybrludite said...

These SOBs are trying to take food off the plates of my kin. (And not necessarily the "sea kittens", either. They actually work in the seafood industry.) I wouldn't mind having a PETAn as my chum next time I go out sea kittening. (To borrow Julie's phrase...)

Anonymous said...

Considering the number of pets PETA has executed (Google "PETA kills pets") for no better reason than their own warped pleasure; and the number of hapless animal lovers PETA has savaged, those mattoids should rename their club "People for the Unethical Treatment of Humans." PUTH for short, with TH sounded as S.

Extrano

Loose Gravel said...

Well, there goes my membership application to PETA... they'll never let me in now, since I used to work on commercial fishing boats. I've killed seakittens by the thousands, and for money too! A paid murderer! A monster! A... fisherman? Sigh, there goes the book, and the movie deal. Guess I'll just have to stick to the halibut with crab legs on the side. (I ate way too much salmon when I worked on a gillnetter to make that my first choice, but still, it is a close second.)

BTW... if fish are "seakittens", what are crabs? "Seaticks"? I think it's going to take some serious PR to make them cuddly...

Ed Foster said...

Second thought: why not give them a theme song, something salty like "The Shoals Of Herring" by Ewen Mac Coll?
As an instrumental of course, just harmonica and fiddle. Really ethnic and folksy.
We probably shouldn't let them listen to the lyrics. "Well I earned my pay, and I paid me way, sleeping in the clothes that I was wearing". "Sailed a million miles, killed ten million fishes, as we hunted for the shoals of herring".

Tam said...

LabRat,

"Fish don't have feelings? Bullshit. Not something we can readily relate to, maybe, but pain and fear? Sure-"

I meant feelings like humans have; complex emotions, not just crude sensations. After all, even hippies and Democrats feel pain and fear.

;)

kahr40 said...

I don't think sea kitten quite does 'em justice. How bout "lunch" instead.

2yellowdogs said...

Let's rename rats 'tube puppies'. Think how much more warm, fuzzy and enjoyable that would make the New York City subway!

staghounds said...

Yes- the pain of the downtrodden, and fear of the not yet disarmed.

og said...

"After all, even hippies and Democrats feel pain and fear."

That just gives me a warm feeling.

eriko said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Vegans are what you want. Grass and grain fed. Alas most that I know smoke and that does not lead to built in hickory flavor.

rickn8or said...

"Omnivores will eat anything they can run down, outwit, or beat wrestling, two falls out of three. "

Works for me. "Some days your get the bear, some days the bear gets you." Pretty fair, when you think about it.

WV: catotru plumb bob /framing square / level for use in aligning cats.

Matt G said...

Due to a backlog of reports, and cleaning the house and such, I haven't punched a hippie all day.

And now I'm regretting that.

E said...

http://www.strangenewproducts.com/2005/09/tofu-that-tastes-like-human-flesh.html

I'm just sayin...


Too bad the original site is gone.

-E

Anonymous said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Humans didn't get to the top of the food chain by being herbivores."
These idiots are trying to promote malnutrition and need to be sued back to the stone ages where they'll be happier anyway.

Gmac

BryanP said...

(clap, cheer, woo hoo, etc..)

Damn, I don't smoke but I need to keep a lighter at my PC for moments like this. I'm going to have to "borrow" that last paragraph sometime. That's just too funny.

I just realized that breakfast (PB&J) didn't involve anything that would offend a PETA-phile. Must go back to the kitchen and find something ...

Ahab said...

That tears it. I can't live like this anymore.

Next month, once the weather clears up a bit, I'm driving to Virginia, and straight to the local Coast Guard office. I'll fill out all the forms, take all the tests and get my commercial trawling license, and kill those sea kittens by the boatload.

GAME ON.

Wolfwood said...

I can't believe no one's said it yet, but...

"Fish are friends, not food!"

RyanDC said...

Um, PETA is aware that one of the main ingredients in kitten chow is fish, right? So perhaps "sea kitten" isn't as apt as they wished it were.

perlhaqr said...

RyanDC: PETA probably numbers among its members many of those deluded idiots who feed their cats and dogs vegan pet food. Which tends to kill them slowly and painfully.

VW: "famshr" 'Famisher'? ... it's just too easy, some days. Hrm, come to think of it, I think we could probably fairly number PETA among the Four Horsemen.

Nathan Brindle said...

I just wish they'd stop using our acronym.

You know, People Eating Tasty Animals.

Anonymous said...

Cursory research on Indiana Hippie Hunting and Trapping Regulations:

1. The City of Bloomington is a protected Hippe Refuge area, no hunting of Hippies permitted.

2. Tippecanoe County: Hippie Hunting is mandatory and bounties paid, although Hippies and Quasi-Hippies are license only in West Lafayette. Buck only. Hippie chicks who shave and into yoga are off limits and are to be given Shootin' Buddy's phone number (for research purposes only).

3. Use of camoflague is allowed(sandals, beads, Che t-shirts, not bathing or shaving, Obama stickers on backpacks or Mao bags, inter alia) but the sportsman must wear some sort of identifier (Sarah Palin pin, NRA hat) so fellow hunters do not confuse him for a Hippie.

4. For Broad Ripple, no tree stands are allowed on the Monon Trail. Head shops, Organic Veggies and Fruit stands or the Northside News Stand where you can buy organic cigarettes are protected areas.

5. It is illegal to take a Hippie using checks from Mom and Dad, Obama posters, or arugula as bait.

Shootin' Buddy

Tom said...

this is what they want to save?

http://www.2flashgames.com/2fgkjn134kjlh1cfn81vc34/flash/f-Shark-Cat-3136.jpg

Going to have to go find some chum-nip.