Friday, January 16, 2009

You can have my...

...steak when you pry it out of my cold, dead jaws, you damned grass-eater, you!

Look, the minute a cow walks up to me and looks deep into my eyes with its solemn, bovine gaze, chews its cud thoughtfully and asks in plain English "Please don't kill me, for that would be barbaric and inhumane and I have a right to life, too..."

...I will shoot it between the running lights and slice the Picanha right off its still-twitching corpse and throw it on the grill, because that stuff is yummy.

Sorry 'bout that, Bossy.

21 comments:

Mike W. said...

Right on Tam!

If I'm not supposed to eat it then why does it taste so damn good?

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

Look, J. Cass Sunstein... What does the J stand for? John? How bout I call you Jack Cass Sunstein?

I'd starve if there wasn't animals to eat. And I'm with Tam. If you need me to work a few shifts on the killing floor at the abottoir, that's not a problem. But keep the yummy flowing downtsteam. My ancestors didn't claw their way to the top of food chain so I would eat vegetables.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

downstream, even. drat these typing fingers.

og said...

Vegetarian. It's what's for dinner.

Anonymous said...

We just need some Intergalactic mutant human slave raiders and flesh dealers to show up for an exciting news event.

After they polish off the attending media, they can be given the HSUS & PETA leadership for desert.

That ought to put the whole Diet As Political Ploy into perspective for the survivors.

John the Mordantly Intolerant Red

Brigid said...

Animals can sue you?

Barkley just left a tort in the neighbor's yard, but I think the rest of the critters will stay quietly in the freezer.

Joe Allen said...

Jesus wept.

Cows are actually starting to seem sentient to me after continuing exposure to that inane rhetoric.

Hey Perfesser Moonbeam or whatever the hell your name is: everytime you open your yap, God kills a sea-kitten. Think about that.

I once puzzled over why I feel it's okay to eat a cow, but not a dog. Chickens are on the menu, but cats are most definitely not in my book.

Finally figured it out. Dogs and cats are fellow predators. It's just a professional courtesy.

(Yes, I know my philosophy completely falls apart when exposed to bacon. Deal with it. I have.)

Anonymous said...

Oh hell no.

I am having a record number of Red Curtain of Blood moments today...one for a different subject every time I visit a blog or open a thread on a forum...

I'm not a hunter, but if this jackass makes it illegal to hunt, I'm going to start jack-lighting deer and going overtime on the overkill...and mailing the heads to his office.

Shermlock Shomes said...

Ha! Now at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe we have the Dish of the Day.

phlegmfatale said...

Throw one on the fire for me. Or, rather, just wave it in a warm room for a bit.

OrangeNeckInNY said...

"The Liberals are always inflaming the Conservatives. They seem to forget who has all the guns."

John B said...

save a Cow! slaughter a political appointee...

Steve said...

better yet, genetically mutate them to WANT to give you dinner, like the cow did in the "Restraunt At The End Of The Universe."

Cow. Yum.
Steve

reflectoscope said...

Come on, dirt kittens have feelings, too.

Well, they might. I'm not going to worry about it, I have bifocal vision and sharp teeth. I may not actually run down my dinner, but I stand by eating delicious animals on principle.

"Save a spud, eat a cow instead!" -The Arrogant Worms.

Jim

Pohjanakka said...

Er, if veganism would become the law, would those of us who are allergic or sensitive to all kinds of veggie matter get exceptions? The only way I can eat a balanced diet is to eat quite a lot of animal protein and fat, since a good portion of the suitable vegetable replacements for those give me diarrhea... when I eat out pretty much the only thing I dare to order is steak. And maybe potatoes on the side, they seem to be ok so far.

Pohjanakka said...

And by the way, I really hate the way these radicals are taking over the animal welfare concerns. I do think that what animals we keep should be well treated, and killed as painlessly as possible, and I'm all for keeping wildlife as diverse as possible, but it's starting to get difficult to find groups who concentrate on that and only on that, and don't have any connections to those 'meat is murder' idiots.

Anonymous said...

What he says in the article is “We ought to ban hunting, I suggest, if there isn’t a purpose other than sport and fun." I think most hunters would agree. Outside harvesting food, controlling population, and varmint-killing, hunting becomes an extremely narrow focus. I've met several trophy hunters, and every one of them did so on safaris that were, by legal definition, expeditions hired by local tribes to do their food hunting for them. No meat was wasted.

Nozick tore this dweeb a new asshole, and his defense in his book is a regular kitten-swipe. Too bad Nozick's not here.

If hunters I know got together to discuss whether to stop issuing hunting licenses to trophy hunters who planned to waste the carcasses of edible animals that were not a threat to people or livestock, I think the vote would be "anti-hunting."

Sadly, sophisticated urbanites seem to think that all hunting is trophy hunting.

Anonymous said...

I just noticed something. In my state, we do not hunt cattle.

Anonymous said...

Just another damn lawyer trying to widen the client base.

Glenn

kbarrett said...

You don't have to get a license to hunt cattle, Mt Anon.

They are livestock, not wild animals. If you want to shoot a cow, go buy one. I would suggest walking it to the meat-cutters place of business, and using a .22lr pistol.

Draw an X using the ears and eyes as end-points, and put a bullet right there.

Anonymous said...

kb, my thought exactly. Dernfool gummint man nakes a dumb crack about hunting, and Certain Party goes off about beefeating. In our environs, I don't see the connection.

Lucky the wild pork got left out. I don't know anybody worried about their herd balance.