Sunday, November 11, 2012

At a loss for words.

I'm not sure which one of you started this, I think it was Matt, but when I mentioned I had a boo-boo on the side of my nose, half the internet decided to play "SAVE FERRIS" and somewhere along the line I wind up standing there in Gander Mountain after lunch yesterday, all teary-eyed, talking to OldNFO on Brigid's cellie. (Brigid said it was okay to tear up; if anyone noticed, she'd tell them she'd just sprayed me with one of the pink pepper spray canisters we'd just been looking at.)

I was going to post links to everybody who'd decided to go play freelance fundraiser, but Sitemeter's down again, and it would just wind up looking like my sidebar and then some. I think JayG and Peter have pretty comprehensive link farms; they're both such little social butterflies.

My reputation as a faithful email corresp...

I'm sorry, I can't even type that with a straight face.

Anyway, most of y'all know how horribly bad I am with email, and I'm afraid to peek into my inbox right now, since my phone has been emitting a fairly steady "*blingle!* ... *blingle!* ... *blingle!*" in the next room for most of the past 36 hours or so, so I suppose I'd better look in there to make sure nothing's burning down.

At the risk of sounding corny, I love y'all so much, and I would jump in the Zed Drei right now to drive around giving each and every one of you a big hug if I could. (And if being around people didn't actually make me feel all itchy and start acting like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.)

64 comments:

Mr.B said...

email me the correct spelling of yer last name (per my text) so that I can mail the check today.

Seriously.

B

Farm.Dad said...

You are part of our little tribe , just what did you expect us to do .. the dammed ice flow ?

Sher Khan said...

You're a valuable member of the community, and much appreciated for your wit & wisdom. Wish I could have contributed more to such a worthy cause!

Chris Byrne said...

I was going to wait 'til Monday, since nobody reads me on the weekends... but at this point I'm pretty sure everyone will have seen it anyway.

The other thing is...

Again, as someone who recently went through just this...

Not only was I humbled, and shocked, by the response and the support...

I was kind of embarrassed by how big a deal people made of it.

I was certainly in no position to turn down any help anyone felt they wanted to or could give... still aren't really... but

I don't know, maybe I'm weird; because apparently it doesn't work this way for other people...

...But, my own problems, always seem smaller and less... Not less important... I dunno... less daunting to me maybe?

That's not quite the right way to put it, but I've been awake for 20 hours after 3 hours of sleep, and my grasp on coherent communication in any form is kinda tenuous at the moment.

What I mean to say is... when I look at my cancer, objectively, I can see that it was a huge financial disaster, and that I was very sick for a long time; that it scared the crap out of my wife, and that I ended up almost dying, because nobody really understood how bad it got until it was almost too late...

But...

For whatever reason... whatever emotional quirk of my personality or somesuch...

It's just not emotionally that big a deal to me... Not that it's nothing, it certainly is not... it's a big thing indeed...

...But it seems to me like other folks have far worse problems, far harder challenges for them... whatever it is; it feels like it shouldn't be as big a deal as it seems to be.

..and it's always kinda awkward for me, sometimes even kinda irritating; when people give me sympathy, or tell me they're praying for me, or drop something in the tip jar...

Frankly, it's why I waited so long after I saw the FB post to comment; and why I haven't said more about this to you... I didn't want to make you feel that same way.

I hate to say it that way, because it implies I don't appreciate it or that I may even resent it; and I absolutely do not... but there are times when I REALLY don't want sympathy or consideration, I just want to get on with whatever it is that needs to be done)

And god knows I'm not complaining about it. I appreciate what my friends and my readers, have done to help me and my family through this more than I can ever say...

It's like...

One thing that I hear constantly is something like "I don't know how you can deal with all this. You're so strong".

Am I?

I guess I am... but it doesn't feel like that to me.

Or "how do you deal with all this, how do you go own taking all these blows in such a short time"...

My answer to that is always the same... There's another option?

I dunno...

I'm really not describing this well... I'm not sure I could even at the best of times...

Though maybe, I don't really have to.

Somehow Tam... I think you, of anyone, can understand my perspective on this...

I think maybe you might come at this in a similar way even; but at the very least, I think you get what I'm talking about.









Old NFO said...

You need a little help, we help... That's kinda what we do in our little corner of the intarwebz...

ZerCool said...

^^^ What he just said.

(hug)

Peter said...

Y'know, Tam, that's the first time anyone's ever accused me of being a 'social butterfly'. I would take umbrage if I weren't laughing so hard . . .

;-)

Christina LMT said...

You belong to a FINE tribe of people, and you are a FINE person. What did you expect?! :D

We love you, Tam. And we are addicted to the brand of snark you peddle. Anything that has the potential to interfere with our steady supply of said snark will be dealt with with EXTREME PREJUDICE. Basal cell carcinoma doesn't stand a chance.

ZerCool said...

(In the meantime, I'll just sit here and giggle to a mental image of you farting in a phone booth.)

agirlandhergun said...

Yes, exactly what Old NFO said. It is nice to have an opportunity to contribute.

Very sorry you are having to deal with this at all!

NAVIGATOR said...

MAY YOU HAVE A SWIFT AND COMPLETE RECOVERY PUT 200 ROUNDS DOWNRANGE
MAINTAIN A GOOD GROUP SIGHTPICTURE!HOLD EM AND SQUEEZE EM ! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER!

rickn8or said...

Oh, damn. She's gonna go all girly on us...

JohninMd.(help?) said...

No surprize, really. Gunnies are usually regular salt-of-the earth types who will help those they care about, if they can. on a side note in teh news, were you -n- Bobbi playing with the chemistry set last night? how close was that boom to y'all?

kishnevi said...

I think of it as a token payment for value already received. All in all, I owe you for all the high grade thinking and snarking you deliver on almost a daily basis. It's in my interest to make sure that keeps on going!
I'm going on the assumption that the Ammo Fund is readily convertible to the Pay the MD fund, and if isn't--well, target practice is probably good therapy.

BTW, what's this about part of Indianapolis blowing up last night or something? I hope that wasn't too close to you!

Anonymous said...

2nd attempt since first one didn't work.

Is there some way to make a contribution that doesn't involve PayPal?

Good for you that your readership is mostly libertarian or conservative. Liberals wouldn't be able to figure out how to get more than one raffle ticket.

Richard Allen
rallenrtr@gmail.com

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

Heck, I'm just doing it for the swag. ;)

Get better, dammit. You're gonna do that anyway... Pay for the treatment without going into usury, dammit. It would suck to go on a Ramen-only diet.

Robert Fowler said...

A few years ago, my sweet wife had the same thing, in the same place. It's gone and all that's left is this little divot on her nose that you almost have to be in kissing range to see. You will get better and we will continue to enjoy your writing.

If you ever make it to Des Moines, Your free to stop by.

The Freeholder said...

Just now catching up with my reading. Dropped a bit in your tip jar. I don't mind helping out someone who is actually worth my coin (and that of a lot of others, as well).

You concentrate on getting things handled and we'll watch your back. That's what friends do for friends--even ones we've never met in person.

Anonymous said...

You made me think of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_NpdAy3WY

Yes we do!

Gerry

pax said...

Hugs.

pax said...

Hugs.

pax said...

Hugs.

Al T. said...

Dang, three hugs from pax!

Marko was the first that I saw, due to my light surfing habits.

Matt G said...

I've gotten hugs from Pax. They're worth going back for.

Angus McThag said...

I gave because cancer killed my mom. My wife has had this very cancer (all better).

And most importantly that when my uninsured ass nearly died my friends pulled together to pay for the treatment.

I was given to, so I return the giving.

Get well!

Anonymous said...

I'd guess that the words you don't know are "thank you".

Kristophr said...

Hey, if it all turns out to be just an easily treated blip, go spend the donated cash on an SMG or something else that is just as cool.

Post pics for us please.

pax said...

Well, phooey. That's the last time I try to post from my Droid. Dang that thing's annoying!

Jeffro said...

Hey!!!

Yannow, "they" say karma is a bitch.

Welp, sometimes karma pays off, too. You've "been there" for me and many others over the years, so you shall reap what you have sown, as it were....

And don't be driving the Zed Drei all over the map trying to hug everyone, fer chrissakes, you'll burn through all yer money on gas!

LauraB said...

I've had to make that tough decision before - eat this month or get medical care...I would never wish that on one of the very few womenfolk that I respect head to toe.

It is my honor to be able to aid you in any way.

Tam said...

"I'd guess that the words you don't know are "thank you"."

No, it just takes me four paragraphs to say them. :o

Anonymous said...

We love your four paragraphs too!

Of course writers write! Good writers write a lot, and lucky for us that you do!

drjim said...

Even though I've never met you in person, and have had no direct correspondence with you, you are a friend of people I consider friends.
Friends help friends....it's that simple.

TXGunGeek said...

And what a wonderfully snark filled four paragraphs they be. Please don't put the mileage on the Zed Drei. Just keep coming back to us.

Oleg Volk said...

To quote 'ol Sam: "You worthy."

Ken O said...

Tam,
     Upon hearing of your plight, Wife v2.0, aka Samara, said of course we would hit the jar.  Not so long ago, as I fought for 26 months to find work in the Obama economy, things got real bad.  Food pantry bad, no water for weeks bad, pawning the guns to eat bad.  Wife v2.0 vented about the struggle on Facebook  and a gunnie offered to wire her $ for food.  Being new to gunnie culture, she was shocked.  By the time I got home that night for her to tell me about it, things had changed and I had a job, instead of day laboring.  (pretty humbling for a boarding school educated college boy)  We were able to turn down the gracious offer, but never forgot the kindness.  We were only too happy to be able to pass that kind of compassion on to you.  Though you may be gruff sometimes, your scribblings enrich our lives and we consider you one of ours.   I think you are just beginning to learn how truly loved and valued you are.

instinct said...

You're welcome. Glad I am able to help in se small way

T.Stahl said...

Dear Tam!
Please check your inbox for an email I sent 4/11. I need your IBAN.

Thorsten

Murphy's Law said...

Hey, we like you. So sue us. Besides, you're interwebz family.

Keads said...

What Murphy's Law said!

Larry said...

You're part of our crew. :D

Darrell said...

:)

BJ Miller said...

I'm sorry I can't help more $$... but you are so snarky... I had to pass if forward.

Anonymous said...

Just wish it could have been more. :/

Joseph said...

There IS only one Tam. And what you are dealing with is like a "minor" chest pain...no such thing. We're with ya.

Mossyrock said...

Tam,

This may come as a shock to you, but there are THOUSANDS of people who look forward to reading, every day, what you have to say. I have been paying attention to you longer than this blog has has been around, by way of the original Firing Line. Your wit and snarkiness is VERY much appreciated in this age of the buffoon who is not able to string two sentences together in an intelligent fashion. Well, either that, or a lot of us just have a weakness for five foot, twelve inch blondes... :-) Get better...

Mossyrock

fast richard said...

There are a lot of us out here who consider you one of our favorite people. I want you to get through this with no more than the unavoidable minimum of pain and difficulty.

On a Wing and a Whim said...

Hey, *hugs*

We wuv yooo.... No, really, you're a good friend.

Earl said...

I need an opportunity to be a better fellow. Take much care, no fear and be safe.

John B said...

Tam, when times for me were so damn stinking, that I seriously questioned continued existence. The very fact you were here, at this blog, fighting the good fight, kept me going! Any little thing I can do for you, is only a down payment!

Anonymous said...

Tam -

I can find cheap partisan snark almost anywhere. But for intelligent high-quality equal-opportunity snark, you rule.

And one of the small miracles of humanity is that good people enjoy opportunities to help folks they care about. The best way to thank folks who want to help is to let them. You'll have plenty of opportunities to pass it along down the years and miles.

Fred G said...

Hi Tam:

Just paying it forward a bit. I sent several NATO rounds your way via the Dragon Works blog. If by chance my name is drawn, you will also get the raffled holster. Good luck!

Fred G

eiaftinfo said...

What else would all your friends do . . . . .?

Susie and I have both been down the Big "C" road . . . hang in there, always willing to lend an ear if you need one!

Bill

Pakkinpoppa said...

Speaking as one who's lived through cancer (of the thyroid)...good thing we still have modern medicine.

You're in the thoughts and prayers of many.

Though I've written you, I didn't really expect a reply. Weekend before last, saw Mr. Savage/Black Powder guy, and...nobody ponied up the 10 Large for the .45 caliber Savage.

If I win the lotto I'd buy it, and pay your gas to come over to even give it a range trip. Though...it would be a short one, because .45 Savage! is one of a very few.

Jumpthestack said...

Tam, if you left your Amazon referrer link on your main page somewhere, I would use it once in a while when I buy stuff on Amazon.

Ed said...

You feel compelled "... to drive around ... acting like Dustin Hoffman in 'Rain Man'"?

Are you trying to tell us that you are a very good driver?

NotClauswitz said...

If it takes four paragraphs of snark to say it we're all grateful, and I'd bet that four cc's of raw and un-homogenized and un-pasteurized pure snark injectd locally would clear the site entirely of whatever piffling unconstrained cellular wandering might take place.

Jennifer said...

We love you. It's really just that simple. You're family. The kind we like, not the kind we're actually, you know, related to.

perlhaqr said...

Well, you and Bobbi let me come over, cooked me dinner, gave me some beer, and slept me on the couch with a pair of kittycats to play on me when I was basically just a name on the internet. Least I can do in return.

My girlfriend (the one whose car I was driving cross country at the time) had one of these basal cell carcinoma things, and after a pretty quick surgery, she was just fine. It was on her forehead, and she's got crazy pale skin (damned Irish... ;) ) and you can barely see the scar. So I suspect you'll be just fine.

*hugs*

Scott said...

Friends help friends and sometimes acquaintances who they've only met in real life once. I like stopping here and reading what jumps out of your head and onto the blog. The world would be a little darker without you in it.
Scott

Iloilo Jones said...

Tribe member, this is what a tribe does, right?
Anyway, be well, and keep us all posted, and thank you to Joel over at TUATK for the heads up.
Feralfae

Matt G said...

"We love you. It's really just that simple. You're family. The kind we like, not the kind we're actually, you know, related to."

Well said, Jennifer.

Kirkster said...

I go away for the weekend with no internet and looks what happens. Late to the party...

Get better soon.

Justthisguy said...

"each and every one of you a big hug..."

EeEewEewEewEew!

I mean, Tam, even if you wanted to, well, I don't do hugs.

As I said to that old gal in Church when we were Exchanging the Peace:

"I don't do hugs; there are machines for that! (Grandin Squeezebox, e.g.)."

I know that Christians are supposed to exchange the Hug and Kiss of Peace, but as a stodgy old Anglo-Saxon and BAPish person, a heartfelt handshake is good enough for me!

Here's a virtual, notional, imaginary, but nonetheless sincerely intended heartfelt handshake with ya, Tam!