Friday, December 07, 2012

Hoist by my own petard.

I will occasionally (and spontaneously) read aloud some particularly amusing bit of spam here in the office.

This backfired on me today when Bobbi discovered something in her spam box that tickled her funny bone and began reading it to me. I was skimming an article on my own computer, and so it took my brain a second to realize that:
  1. Someone in the room is speaking.
  2. Bobbi is speaking.
  3. Bobbi is speaking English.
  4. Bobbi is speaking recognizable English words but ohmygod I can't parse what she's saying! I've had a stroke!
  5. Wait, I can still make sense of what's on the screen. 
  6. Ah, she's reading spam comments aloud. Whew!

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

You had to be there.

JohninMd.(help!) said...

Scared ya dere fer a minnit, dinnit? O:-)

bygoneblog said...

I've always deleted that crap without a second glance but you manage to turn it into content.

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

I have a similiar moment at the overpriced movie multiplex when the house light dim. My thought is, "Are the house ights dimming or am I suddenly going blind?"

Mike

BobG said...

I've had similar moments listening to liberals, but they weren't reading spam...

og said...

I have positional vertigo. Occasionally otoconia in my inner ear float around giving me the VERY STRONG sensation of very rapid movement when I am standing stock still. THis is disconcerting enough when I'm seated or standing stock still, but when I'm thirty feet in the air on top of a machine it can be lethal. Which is why I always tie off despite being called a wuss by my co-workers.
Deer stands are an altogether different matter. Three times so far I have awoken already on the way to the ground. Thankfully none of the ones I use are very tall.

armedlaughing said...

It's simple.
You morphed into a Charlie Brown character, and Bobbi into one of the adults!

"Wa wa wa wa, wa wa wa wah!"

gfa

Tirno said...

I get the same effect if I read CNN after reading The Onion.

"Ha, ha, ha, oh, that's funny how they're mocking idiotic positions by pretending to support them! Oh, wait, I stopped reading The Onion five minutes ago. Dammit!"

Cormac said...

The funniest thing I've read in days...

Joanna said...

You know, for all the times I've slept in a weird position and woken up with a completely dead arm, it's a wonder the word "stroke" has never occurred to me.

Of course now it will, so thanks for that.

NAVIGATOR said...

OK MISS TAMMY
CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? CAN YOU MAKE A FIST? GRASP A HAND? PUSH IT BACK PUSH AWAY WITH YOUR FEET ? ANY LOSS OF FEELING ANYWHERE? FOLLOW THE TIP OF MY FINGER WITH YOUR EYES? ARE YOUR PUPILS REACTIVE TO LIGHT? EQUALLY? CAN YOU HEAR MY VOICE ?EQUALLY ? WHAT IS TODAY ? WHAT YEAR IS IT? WHO IS THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK? WHO IS JOHN MOSES BROWNING? WHO IS BURIED IN GRANTS TOMB ? HAVE YOU EATEN OR DRUNK ANYTHING UNUSUAL ? ARE YOU TAKING ANY MEDICATION? HAVE YOU SUFFERED ANY TRAUMA OR INJURIES OF LATE? ANY INCIDENTS OF HIGH OR LOW BLOOD PRESSURE? ANY BLACKOUTS OR PERIOD OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS ? ANY ALLERGIES? ILLNESSES OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN? ANY HISTORY OF DIABETES ? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE SEEN BY A HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL? WHAT FOR?

YOU MIGHT CONSIDER GETTING TO AN EMERGENCY ROOM TO BE EVALUATED FORTHWITH IF THERE IS A RECURRENCE

rremington said...

Don't worry, it gets worse with age. Ask me how I know....

global village idiot said...

Ermmm....yeah.

And it's "hoist upon one's own petard."

gvi aka Conan the Grammarian

John said...

Please, for the sake of us even older folks*: it's hoist "with"(as in 'along with') one's own petard. It's somewhat like Captain Ahab getting tangled up in the harpoon line. A petard didn't do the hoisting, it got hoisted into position. *My daughter would tell you "he was there, and he knows."

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

I'm trying to decide if Navigator read the same post I read.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Sure it was Spam and not the latest White House Press Release?

Tam said...

GVI and John,

A "petard" is a canister of gunpowder used to blow up the gate of a fortification.

Am I being hoisted along with this canister, or has it blown up and hoisted me into the air?

Sincerely,
Conan The Grammarian ;)

Old NFO said...

LOL, yes that 'does' happen occasionally... :-)

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Dad always said "hoist by his own petard" and that was good enough for me.

LarryArnold said...

Og, take it from a hunter education instructor; they have these "fall arrest systems" specifically for deer blinds. They are your friend.

Hunting is one of the safest sports, and we want to keep it that way.

mariner said...

"Let it work;
For 'tis the sport to have the enginer
Hoist with his own petard, an't shall go hard
But I will delve one yard below their mines
And blow them at the moon."
Hamlet, Act 3 Scene 4

It has blown up, and hoist you into the air.

Tam said...

Mariner,

'With' it is, then. :)

global village idiot said...

I stand corrected.

gvi

Will said...

Tam,
since NAVI brought it up, I'll add that you don't have to lose language sense or have body parts be paralyzed to be having a stroke. The signs could be as simple as nausea and vertigo. That would be more than 30 seconds sitting or standing causes your gyros to tumble. And it doesn't clear up for weeks. Ask me how I know...

Ed said...

must
not
blink

Justthisguy said...

Meh. A temporary auditory-processing problem, that was. As some of us have pointed out to you, you are not Neurotypical, and we love you and honor you for that, you outlier, you!

Just think how boring your life would have been, had you been fiftieth-percentile in every way! (I think part of being fiftieth-percentile is not understanding how boring it is to be such.)

Tam said...

1) No, it was not an "auditory processing problem", I was processing the words just fine. I am sorry that you were unable to grasp that point; I will endeavor to write more clearly in the future.

2) Nobody is "Fiftieth Percentile In Every Way", that's how DNA testing works. When you combine nature and nurture, we are each of us a unique and precious snowflake. Even you.

3) Grievous social retardation is a failure of development, and claiming "Autie/Aspie" is an excuse. It is something of which to be vaguely ashamed, to do otherwise is like seeing a baby smiling and proud over having urped at the table. Regardless, my comments section is not the Special Olympics of the internet; conduct yourself accordingly.