Saturday, May 11, 2013

I'll take "Really Bad Ideas" for $500, Alex.

The first thing I do when I go to a movie these days (at least since last July) is a battery check. I arrive fashionably early so I can get my horribly un-tactical favorite seats about two-thirds back and centered so that I don't have to crane my neck in any direction to see the movie and then, while the theater is still largely empty and the house lights haven't dimmed, I light both the exit doors down by the screen to make sure my flashlight has a good charge on it.

Admittedly, this is more of a nervous tic than anything else; unless I'm carrying my purse it's not like I have spare batteries or anything... (What? Everybody doesn't carry spare batteries in their purse?) ...but it assures me that, should I need to brightly illuminate those areas for some reason as I scurry for the exits, I can.

I am glad I was not in this particular theater for this showing of Iron Man 3. I am sure something dumber happened this week, but I can't think off the top of my head what it might have been. Compared to this, the State Department standing athwart the internet and yelling "Stop!" looks like a paragon of savvy genius.

Too soon, Goodrich Quality Theaters Capital 8; too soon.

14 comments:

DanH said...

I live an hour away from there, and I seriously considered driving down there just to slap the taste out of that idiot's mouth.
I'm still not sure it wouldn't be worth it.

Julie said...

I read the news report and "IDIOTS" was what sprang to mind!

Carteach said...

A) I do my battery checks at the house. No one needs to know what I have in my pocketsssss......

B) Movie theaters are like willies-central for me. Too many peoples, too little light, too few exits. I seldom go. The last time was a private screening on the opening night of Iron Man 3. Only five of us in the theater.

C) The article...... I am now saying a fervent prayer that if I were in such a situation, I would gain a clue before laying said actor on the ground in a puddle. Then again... target recognition is one reason I carry a silly bright flashlight with me.

Anonymous said...

"Crazed, Paranoid NRA Members Gun Down Theater Employee"
In Missouri, today, a movie theater employee hired to provide a little excitement was shot and killed when he yelled, "Welcome to Colorado!" and pointed a toy plastic assault rifle at some children in the front row. Three patrons shined bright flashlights in his face and screamed for him to drop his gun. When he swung the toy rifle in their direction, they opened fire, hitting him with 8 of 9 shots.
"I don't understand it," said the theater manager. "The gun had a label on the bottom of the grip with the toy company's name on it. Anyone could see it wasn't real."
Police continue to investigate while local anti-violence groups call for the immediate execution of all gun-owners and NRA members.

sepulvedasrevenge said...

All I want to know is, where does theater manager Bob Wilkins get his drugs? Perfect example of things that seem hilarious when you're high.

Al T. said...

Anony @ 9:47, I owe you a beer or ten. Pulling that theater stunt around most of my friends would result in loud noises and copious bleeding.

Tam said...

"My people don't do surprise parties."

Bubblehead Les. said...

Remember what Heinlein wrote: "NEVER underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity."

God, I hate living in the Crazy Years.

mikee said...

That the toy-gun-toting ninja was accompanied by Iron Man in costume might have had some bearing on the story, but this detail was significantly downplayed everywhere I have seen the gunman reported, except in the comment section of the smarter reddit.com postings.

Take it down a notch or two, until the whole story is provided, and you won't have to apologize hardly ever.

Tam said...

mikee,

"That the toy-gun-toting ninja was accompanied by Iron Man in costume might have had some bearing on the story, but this detail was significantly downplayed everywhere I have seen the gunman reported..."

Iron Man was in the lobby, as were the rest of the S.H.I.E.L.D. cosplay crew. The chubby dude with the the translucent plastic AR was running late and was spotted, already costumed-up, entering the theater by people outside.

Given recent events involving tac-tarded out freaks in theaters and how they've been hyped by the media, I can't say as I necessarily blame them for not waiting until they heard muffled gunshots coming from inside to call the po-po.

Ed said...

Many years ago a friend of mine and his girlfriend went to a Halloween party dressed as Bonnie and Clyde. They even carried obvious toy guns, but then someone noticed that the toy guns were carried in real holsters...

John said...

Dead man walking....away, only by the Grace of Whom-evah....

Saw the interview with thratre manager..one of the O'blivious Tribe, apparently.

Aesop said...

Wilkins needs to be proactively fired, and dragged off for psychiatric evaluation - and then gobsmacked after he's declared sane, but headsplitingly stupid. And the cosplay knuckleheads are proof that you can never kill all the stupid people, because you'd run out of bullets first.

They're all lucky to be alive in a state with CCWs. Or even one without.

Imagine this had happened in Chicago, or NYFC. There'd be 27 bystanders clutching accidental bulletwounds. And if they took a pickup truck, there's still a chance some LAPD cops might have unloaded on them, 7 states away.

Lazy Bike Commuter said...

Have to love the geniuses in the HuffPo comments.

"If some idiot had opened fire, it would be one more death cause by Wayne Lapierre"

Then again, it's HuffPo, so one shouldn't be surprised.