Books. Bikes. Boomsticks.
Self-Checkout aisles are like wheelchair ramps for introverts.
Eric Holder looks just like Detective Ron Harris from Barney Miller.
Better than a case of raging METH
Um... "something funny?"Sorry, I got nothin' either.
Count your blessings.Think how your life would be if gravity were a random event.
How about something tinfoil hatty: what are the chances Bloomberg sent the ricin letter to himself (or arranged for it to be sent).
Something funny?A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks, "what is this? Some kind of joke?"BGM
John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, John, why the long face?"
Spring; that time of year when meh is not only accepted, it's darn near expected. tsadic and-------and what
Here's some blog fodder:http://www.npr.org/2013/05/29/187147334/even-terrorists-have-to-fill-out-expense-reports?ft=1&f=1001
know whatcha mean...deh allergies...they are killing me softly...
Overheard at my daughter's hippie-filled wilderness living skills event last weekend:Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, only in smelly old sleeping bags.Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: Well, it's a really obscure number, and you probably wouldn't understand it anyway....
Barack Obama.Wait, you said "say something funny", not "tell a joke". My fault.
Got my furlough letter today, that's damn funny.
Whattya mean funny? You mean funny haha? You think I'm some kind of a clown?
I think we're all about in the same boat, did anybody bring a paddle???
I posted this photo link in the comments to your roomie's b'day post, but it got no response. Wondered if it's anyone you know?http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OhaFv35Yhns/UaXKtGmIeII/AAAAAAAAMhE/BieW1S4VlpQ/s1600/PDM+29+(3).jpg
Okay, somethin' funny. Now what?
Anhedonia? Have you tried gettin' l--d?
So, Miss Tacticute (aged 9) tells me after a long holiday weekend of not shaving that I should grow a beard."I'll look really good, Daddy!""But I shaved my beard off five years ago because you and Mommy said I was too prickly to kiss. If I grow my beard back, how will I get my kisses?"She thought about that."Well... we could kiss you on the top of your head."I was not ready to explain further why this might not be a completely satisfactory arrangement.
A Helium atom walks into a bar.The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here!"The Helium doesn't react.
Anhedonia? Have you tried gettin' l--d? The thing is, plenty of women do not really benefit from getting laid.Coital sex only improves mood if semen comes in direct contact with vagina, otherwise the mood-improving chemicals in it are wasted.http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A%3A1015257004839#page-1In fact, the study found women who had sex with partners who used condoms were equally likely to be depressed as women abstaining from sex.So, a woman needs to use either IUD or hormonal contraception or nothing at all and risk pregnancy. However, hormonal contraception use by smokers is very risky.
You've been doing this long enough to know that you can't milk snark every day, despite your every-morning-without-fail blog ethic.Sometimes you just have to wait for the berries to ripen, then ferment, then really fester, before you can squeeze out a good cup of well-deserved OMFG.Go to the default cat picture, while we wait for the mailmen and hairdo newsreaders to deliver today's bucket of Fail for you to mine.This morning is just Nature's revenge for those days when you're on fire, and go 6/6 on posts.But glad to see we don't need to send for the local urban search & rescue.
Well fuck* Aue, now I've got anhedonia too.*or not; what's the point?
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, you've got a steering wheel hanging out of your pants."The pirate says "arrrgg! It's driving me nuts."
Channeling my inner Tam in Escondido<a href="http://sepulvedasrevenge.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/stone1.jpg>Stinky cheese, Korean BBQ Ribs and a couple Ruination IPAs at Stone Brewing Co.</a>
Not sure how funny, but an anagram for anhedonia is "a inane doh". Seems to fit.
A horse walks in to a bar.Bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"
Barrack Hussein Obama certainly did deserve his Nobel Peace Prize.
Something to snark on inbound after 1700 ET. . .
So Barack Obama and Michelle walk into a bar.In unison, every man and woman in the place turns to look at them and shouts: "Get the F--k outta here!"Maybe not funny, but it sure makes me smile. Admit it, you grinned just a bit, too.
An orchestra walks into a bar. The bouncer throws out the wind and string sections because the bar doesn't allow sax and violins.
They told me to write something funny.The problem? Well, it's a honey...When I sat down to write,Not a joke was in sight.Will they laugh if I just give them money?~ All the way to the bank.
A string walks into a bar.'Get outta here," said the bartender. 'We don't serve your kind here.'The string walks out, stops a passerby, and says, 'Excuse me, sir, would you please stretch me out and tie me up?' The passerby obliges, and the string walks back into the bar.'Hey,' said the barkeep, 'aren't you the string I just threw outta here?'The string said, 'No, I'm a frayed knot.'
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Half way.Gerry
Anonymous @2:04Ok, I laughed at your footnote. :D
This'll get a smile: Al Qaeda is demanding expense reports from its subordinate terrorist cells, and is griping to them in a memo about the total lack of "spectacular" results in spite of good opportunities.They seem to be feeling some sort of profits squeeze and are trying to motivate their franchisees.
>> Anhedonia? Have you tried gettin' l--d?> The thing is, plenty of women do not really benefit from getting laid.Laid? I thought it was a suggestion to get something deliciously unhealthy cooked in lard. Or duck fat. Mmmm.
I recommend an essay entitled "The Geese" by E.B. White, available in his book Essays of E.B. White.I laughed so hard I thought I was going to hurt myself.
If Tamerlane is the sword of islam, then Tamara is the Glock19 of agnosticism.
I had not seen the word "anhedonia" in a long time:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AnhedoniaEmbedded in all that is a link to "buproprion", a medication given to those who have nicotine cravings. Could it be that your body is announcing that nicotine has left the system and you are recalibrating? Take a deep breath, hold it, and let it out slowly through pursed lips. Think happy thoughts. Repeat. Have a cup of tea. Read a good book. Engage in a good conversation. All is well.
Three muslims walk into a gay bar.
If Tamerlane is the sword of islam, then Tamara is the Glock19 of agnosticism.Oh come now. Let's give our hostess a bit more credit than that. If anything, she'd at least be a Glock 20. And some sort of rifle is probably a more appropriate sword metaphor. Maybe a Mosin-Nagant? She is pretty tall, after all. :DThough, as a member in good standing of the Church of John Moses Browning, a BAR might be even more appropriate. ;)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the `possum that it could be done.
(alternate Texas answer) To show the armadillo that it could be done.
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