Sunday, June 29, 2014

Lawn Care ProTip...

If you live alongside a hilly, windy, narrow road in forested foothill country, and you take it in your head to grab your weed-whacker and go trim down the shoulder-high weeds that have grown up along your property line against the shoulder of the road, please don't do so while wearing a fawn-colored shirt and off-white ball cap, or oncoming cars will be testing their brakes while the driver does a tuck-and-roll job on the upholstery with her butt cheeks.

Monkey pattern recognition software is heavily influenced by color, and those colors normally mean one thing and one thing only on rural roadsides.

Thank you for your consideration.
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11 comments:

B said...

How bad?

Didja get the brakes locked?

Are your cheeks unclenched yet?

Scott J said...

Bombing through the countryside in the Zed Drei?

Noah said...

Blaze Orange is your friend, people.

Old NFO said...

Oh crap... DEER... er, dumbass... :-)

Darrell said...

Golfers in the rough? Chupacabras???

mikee said...

Yeah, the deer in Texas often do roadside work with weed whackers, too. Very annoying, what with all that flying grit and weed debris and 100 pounds of stupid standing there.

wheelgun said...

I don't mind the limits of my pattern-recognition software. I just wish someone would upgrade the deers' escape-and-evade protocol. One was running alongside the road, and jumped in front of the car (just after I hit the brakes). There was an entire empty field if he turned right, instead he turned left. What kind of survival adaptation is that? (Wouldn't "run away" be better?)

Ken O said...

Naugasaurus Wedgie?

Geodkyt said...

Wheelgun -- the only deer I hit did pretty much just that.

He tried to jump over my car from the opposite lane, in order to get to the woodline that was twice as far away as the one on his side.

Bastard tee'd off on my front right corner, and did mondo sheet metal damage to my '85 Tercel. (Beuatiful stamp of a hoofprint, though. . . )

And when I went looking to see if he needed some mercy, the fleabitten Woods Rat got up and bounded away like a Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom teaser. . .

Ken O said...

You saw a Texas road worker that a) was less than 300# and b) working and did not photograph it! That's like missing the chance to document Sasquatch mating rituals.

Don M said...

Loss of another hoofed rat: No problem.

Loss of a pseudo hoofed rat verge trimmer: More paperwork than I want to do.