Sunday, June 04, 2006

Blog Stuff: You have got to be kidding me.

I grew up scared to death of the End Times. Having sat through my share of fire 'n' brimstone revivals, I was worried that I might move and Jesus wouldn't get my Change of Address card, and then I'd get stuck here for seven years of locusts, acne, forehead tattoos, and wormwood. When the Left Behind series of books came out, I just didn't get the appeal. How can you write a gripping page-turner when some guy named John leaked the ending of your thriller to the world over sixteen hundred years ago?

Now in the same Mack Bolan Versus The Demon-Possessed Gunsels Of The Antichrist theme, we have a video game: Grand Theft Auto: The Whore of Babylon.
· Control more than 30 unit types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!
Prayer Warriors and Battle Tanks! What more could a kid want? Get this, you lose points for killing the bad guys. (What the hell are the Battle Tanks for, then?) There's some marketing genius for you. I'm gonna guess it can't be a grand strategy game, since you already know which side's going to win.

Raise your hand if you think any kid is actually going to spend their own newspaper route money on this dog? "Hey, kids! It's new, unsweetened fiber crunch! It tastes like crap, but it's good for you!"

(H/T to Kit.)

10 comments:

Secret Rapture said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!

Read My Inaugural Address Online
My Site = http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!

Tam said...

Oh, look! Spam!

But it's really crazy spam, and goes well with the topic, so I'll leave it. :)

pax said...

Tam ~

I'm not as optimistic as you are.

A gajillion people happily spent scads of money to buy that entire long-winded, poorly-written series of dreck masquerading as worthwhile reading. Those same simpletons will purchase the game, in droves. It'll be a smash hit.

*shrug* Their lives, their money. But it's still a rotten shame, because the books are a steaming pile of cowflop and if the game is anything within shouting range of what you described, it's yet another pile of cowflop.

But I don't think you'll be able to gloat over the commercial flop of this cowflop. There are just too many simpletons in the world who will happily spoon into it, take big swallows, and proclaim, "It's just like chocolate! Only good for you!"

I've never understood why so many apparently-sentient people think that anything at all that bears the label "Christian" is therefore good and immune to the normal minimal artistic standards which apply to any other form of creative work. It doesn't need to be done well, it just needs to bear the label. And they'll buy it, and rave over it, and tell their friends how wonderful it is.

pax

(... who by the way is a Christian, and eschatologically a dispensational premillenialist. But she can still tell good art from bad art.)

pdb said...

So who's doing the soundtrack? Stryper, Creed, Petra?

Randy said...

pax said:

"I've never understood why so many apparently-sentient people think that anything at all that bears the label "Christian" is therefore good and immune to the normal minimal artistic standards which apply to any other form of creative work. It doesn't need to be done well, it just needs to bear the label. And they'll buy it, and rave over it, and tell their friends how wonderful it is."


In a past life I was a studio musician/arranger/orchestrator in Nashville. I used to write string and horn charts to be overdubbed on previously recorded rhythm tracks.

The worst music that I have ever had the honor to be disassociated with had to be some of the "Gospel acts."

I remember one Christian music "artist" (and I use the term lightly) who refused to compromise any time a suggestion was made to change phrasing, etc. She had irregular and oddball numbers of beats in a measure, phrases of odd lengths, etc.

Her justification was that her songs were inspired by HIM, and were therefore above reproach!

Funny, but I always thought HE would be a better songwriter than that!

blue said...

I'm holding out for a Pentecostal snake-handling game.

Homer said...

Hmmm......perhaps more evidence regarding two things:

1)The definition of "normal" encompasses a pretty broad range

2)Given a sufficiently large population, there are enough "normal" people to make almost anything financially lucrative.

phlegmfatale said...

"I grew up scared to death of the End Times."
OMG - you too? Now a neurotic person in my household is in the grips of that panic, and of course _I_ am not godly enough and am a wild and vulgar woman, to boot. I could go on, and have been festering to post this on my blog, but was worried that it would be printed and used in the divorce proceedings, but I digress. I'll use your comments as a wee bit of therapy, mkay?
Considering the rabid craze for end-times schlock, I think the game you describe has a captive audience. Here's an ideer for another game and title.
DOOMSAYER:Prophecy Conference! (much eye-rolling here)

...and ditto pax's comments on the crap "literature" that is pawned off on an eager public in the name of spiritual edification.

...and regarding Randy's comment on the gospel music industry: I'm a trained classical vocalist, and I'm not involved in my family's church because in spite of 1000+ years of brilliant, profound notated sacred music, they insist on singing unremarkable new campfire-type jingle crap-sounding "praise" music, all the while sending off royalties to the producers of same. Moneychangers in the temple? Could be. Too insulting for me to be involved with. I'd prefer never to sing again than feel I'm working with such sub-standard music.

I hope you forgive me for ranting here, Tam. I feel better!

Tam said...

pax-


Oh, I'm not saying it won't sell, I'm just saying that it won't be the kids that are buying it. Speaking as a former member of the target demographic (young inmates of Baptist concentration camps) the only way I'd have gotten this game is if it turned up in my stocking on Christmas morning, along with the multivitamins and the toothbrush. (Santa was a fink. ;) )

I think it will sell fine to parents. Teens tend to be fairly savvy to such bad marketing, at least until they get old enough to vote, at which point they become dumb again.

Tam said...

phlegmmie,

"I hope you forgive me for ranting here, Tam. I feel better!"

Forgive you? I'm applauding you.

Rant on, sister!