Wednesday, October 01, 2014

The Language Of Planet Manhattan...

So the cast of the Today show this morning was still gawping and emoting about the armed intruder who vaulted the fence around the Lightbringer's manse and perpetrated lèse-majesté all over the carpet.

He was never the "intruder", always the "armed intruder" and I wondered to myself "If he was armed, why didn't he use his weapon on either of the White House cops he tussled with?" and then they showed a picture of his weapon...

A Spyderco pocket knife... "He's from Texas, honey," I yelled at the television, startling the cats, "That's not 'armed', that's 'dressed', you island-dwelling herbivore!"

Jesus, you cud-chewing Eloi, how do you people open packages? With your teeth, like an animal?

ETA: It occurred to me that these people buy a new trinket at the store in its shoplifting-resistant packaging and then they can't get at it! They wander the streets staring at their new toy behind its shiny transparent plastic barrier like the Little Match Girl outside the sweets shop window, helpless to actually play with their purchase until they reach home and their blunt-end scissors. Homo habilis could have used his obsidian flake to get into the thing and gone hooting across the savannah with his iPod in his hands, but the knifeless Homo cubiculus can't do a thing until he gets back to his cave.