Tuesday, April 08, 2014

A thousand words.

I have often said that there was no way I could get a tattoo because I just couldn't think of anything with deep enough meaning... central enough to my own personal ethos... that I would want it marked indelibly on my flesh forever more.

Lately, however, I'm thinking that this would look wonderful in glorious full color across my back from shoulder to shoulder.


Jim said...

Like you, I have no tattoos. Just never felt the need.

But, if I ever did one, it would be an expired "best used by" date.

Truth in advertising, yannow.

Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

bluesun said...

I don't know whether I should say "OH GOD NO" or "DOOOOO IT."

Sklutch said...

I've only ever wanted two tattoos, a dotted line around my neck labeled "Cut Here" and/or a tasteful rectangle on my scalp containing the words "No User Servicable Parts Inside".

Ritchie said...

"No user serviceable parts inside."
Or ballistic tables.

Matt said...

Thought about getting my parents tattooed. If found, please return to...

Anonymous said...

Lord, no.



Maxwell said...

You, ma'am, are a sick woman (and I say that with the utmost respect).
I am similarly undecided about indelible body markings, but some of my considerations are:

St. John Moses Browning;
Sir Winston Churchill;
the Devil-with-beer-mug logo from Arrogant Bastard ale;
Tulips (on my ass).

Matt G said...

That's a lot of ink and snark to point at someone whom you've already turned your back to.

Richard Blaine said...

You're obviously up past your bed time. Can I just say - OUCH!

But then again - it would be a statement :)

Will Brown said...

Still can't see any reason to help the cops identify the body afterwards, but the temptation to carry around a bit of post-mortum snidery (totally a word) somewhere on my person is a low-level urge I've so far successfully resisted scratching.

Jay Dee said...

Same circumstances but I'm tempted to get this on my arm.

Ich f├╝rchte kein Unheil
Jesus ist in meinem Herzen
und Sam Colt an meiner Seite

og said...

The mind reels. Willy Wonka's candy factory, where Willy and the oompah-loompas who all look like Marty Feldman dig up bodies and make strippers named Candy out of the spare parts. Cleavon Little as Mike Teevee and Zero Mostel as Augustus Gloop. All immortalized on your back. The illustrated girl.
Man, I need me some coffee.

Pakkinpoppa said...

I'm with CA on this one...
Though, it'd be funny, showcasing it would be difficult to do while also "toting" unless it was "openly" and, say, you were in beach attire.

I have two tattoos.
One, is a radiation symbol I got on my tenth cancer anniversary. The idea was, every ten years I'd get another banner below the initial "1996" I had as the first date.
I slacked...and in two years I'm missing two banners (2006 and 2016) that I won't have gotten. Oh well.

I also have Hobbes on my other shoulder, in mid leap. I thought of adding "Spaceman Spiff" or "Tracer Bullet" at some point, but I have restrained myself. Blasters have taken up my tattoo budget, and probably for the best. They are permanent, after all.

One is on each shoulder, so they're not shown off on a daily basis. Weekly in the summer when I mow, but that's about it.

My (now) 4 year old calls them "Daddy's Wheel" and "Daddy's Tiger" when he sees them. Too young to explain "radiation" and "cancer" and whatnot.

Anonymous said...

"Cogito ergo Tam"


Scott J said...

When I asked about the Taarna dagger I was kidding. I actually prefer the un-inked and un-pierced look (ear lobes I don't notice).

Nothing spoils a cheesecake picture for me like ink or a body piercing.

No offense meant to those who have either.

TJIC said...

You don't have any tattoos?


I would have bet a nickel you had one like this:



Daniel Watters said...

If I want to wear a picture, I'll buy a t-shirt. It is cheaper, and has a lower risk of infection.

Mike_C said...

>That's a lot of ink and snark to point at someone whom you've already turned your back to.

Clearly I'm unaware of some vital background information, but I'm gonna hope this is randomly surfacing ironic black humor rather than an actual plan. Two platitudes that are nonetheless true:
1. Some things, once done, cannot be undone.
2. There's always a way of making a bad situation worse.

If that came off as condescending it wasn't meant to be -- trying to convince myself of a thing or two. But that's almost certainly TMI.

@Jim, if I ever get a tattoo it'll be that. Let me know how you want the licensing fee paid ....

Steve C said...

I know I'm a dinosaur, but in my youth, the only guys with tattoos were either in the Navy or prison. As for the ladies, it would have been a scandal for even a stripper to have one. A cute young girl at work just got a large Darth Vader on her upper arm and it makes me want to cry. As Daniel said, put your snark on a t shirt. And before getting a tattoo, think of wearing that same shirt every day for the rest of your life. And yes, it does get old and worn-out.

Tam said...

Maybe I'll get my Native American name tattooed there instead...

Newjerseythomas said...

Encouraging you to do it, like yelling jump at some guy on a ledge, is oddly hard to resist.

Scott J said...

"Maybe I'll get my Native American name tattooed there instead..."

Honestly that's what I expected before I followed the link :)

Ed said...

I thought you would like this look more:


I do not want to know where the Amendments are ...

Unfortunately, there is one slight problem:


tailwind said...

Well, if you can figure out how to a changeable snarky caption to go with Willy, I say do it.

Anonymous said...

I've got to second Steve C.

Wholly uncharitable, and I feel bad as soon as I think it, but my first reaction to seeing a cute girl inked up is "Well, you used to be pretty..."

David said...

A tat on a beautiful woman is like putting a bumper sticker on a lamborghini.

I have to agree with anon5:53 - I have never seen a tat that made me think "Wow, she's a lot prettier now..." Most of the time all I can think is "How damaged is your self esteem that you thought that would be an improvement?"

However I have to say that I met a US Olympian last year that had the Olympic rings and her silver medal tattooed on the back of her shoulder. I had to admit that in that case, I would have probably done the same thing.

Tam said...

Dear gawd.

If I were really thinking about getting a tattoo, do you think I'd be checking to see if it was okay with a bunch of anonymous chucklefucks on the internet?


Tam said...

What really tickles me is the comment two above this one.

Every time I get dressed in the morning, the first thing I ask myself when I pick out my clothes is "Will Anonymous 5:35 think this outfit is pretty?"

I'm not saying I hope you die in a crotch fire, but I'm not sayin' I don't either.

Ken said...

If I ever got one myself (and I won't), I'd be sorely tempted to get: "DON'T OPEN DEAD INSIDE" in a spray-paint-looking face.

Rey Brandt said...

Did 20 years in the Navy and like you never found anything I wanted as a permanent decoration. As for the smart aleck t-shirt idea I have over 200.

Tpa Gunslinger said...


fast richard said...

Tattoos have never appealed to me, but I've seen some that I thought were nice artwork. On balance I think there are far more ugly ones than nice ones. I'm sure Tam is sensible enough to not take fashion advice from the gaggle of goofballs who comment here (myself included).

DaveFla said...

Talk about yer self-fulfilling prophecies... Just look at 'em go!

Scott J said...

"If I were really thinking about getting a tattoo, do you think I'd be checking to see if it was okay with a bunch of anonymous chucklefucks on the internet?"

No. I never thought this post was any such thing. I figured it was just an opportunity to discuss the pros and cons of body modification.

So guess this makes me not a chucklefuck but does certainly help you keep that Native American name :)

global village idiot said...

Sorry for getting to this so late but I was away for a couple weeks. Just now catching up.

I predicted the flow of this discussion before I clicked the "Comments" tab, even including Tam's "Native American name" rejoinder.

Back when I was a yoot, I sometimes wondered at the simplicity of reading comprehension questions on standardized tests. That's all? I'd ask myself.

Which points out a weird sort of bias or perhaps blind spot on my part. I can understand "math illiteracy" or "science illiteracy" on a certain level, since it is often the case that neither is critical to an individual's well-being and survival. Should we chide a day-laborer for not knowing what makes pulsars pulse or quasars quase? Or a cashier at McDonald's for not knowing how to solve differential equations?

Yet I'm gobsmacked when presented with someone who can't see the message under the text in a snarky blog post like this one.


p.s. Just to play along, my tattoo (if I ever get up the nerve) would be the 47th Proposition of Euclid.

mikee said...

My only tattoo story: My wife started medical school shortly after we were married, and honored me by naming her cadaver after me. Mikee the Cadaver came from the local VA hospital and had been a sailor in WWII, and based on his many, many tattoos was quite well traveled.

I still recall the day my wife and her partner dissected his genitalia. Wife came home and told me that her very proper Southern Baptist female fellow student had sliced off Mikee's male appendage, waved it around the room, and declared, "Just imagine all the places THIS has been!"

Medical school led a lot of people a bit over the edge. I keep that in mind every time I visit a doctor.

As to a Gene Wilder Tat, may I suggest his face (and the Wonka hat) superimposed over the da Vinci Vitruvian Man? Fig leaf optional....