Tuesday, October 12, 2021

When Karens Attack...

So the story on the flight from Indianapolis with the bomb scare has come out, and it is dumber than you can possibly imagine.
American Airlines Flight 4817 from Indianapolis — operated by Republic Airways — made an emergency landing at LaGuardia just after 3 p.m., and authorities took a suspicious passenger into custody for several hours.

It turns out the would-be “bomber” was just a vintage camera aficionado and the woman who reported him made a mistake, sources said.

The woman was traveling with her husband and children, sitting across the aisle from her spouse, when she spotted another man in her hubby’s row scrolling through videos and photos of vintage cameras, sources said.

She thought he was looking up bomb-making instructions, and when the man pulled out his own camera and adjusted it she was convinced he was setting a timer on a detonator, sources said.
Get it? She saw some guy scrolling through videos of mechanical devices she did not understand, then he pulled a mechanical device she didn't understand out of his carry-on and started twiddling the dials, ergo, it must be a bomb. Clearly this woman is a graduate of Jack Bauer U.

Lady, the biggest danger on your flight for the past year hasn't been a guy with a bomb, it's been some drunk passenger throwing a toddler-grade shrieking shit fit over being asked to keep his germhole covered by a frazzled overworked stew and proceeding to try and exit the a/c via the emergency door at FL350.

Supposedly they evacuated the passengers via the emergency slides. If they got everybody down those slides onto the tarmac without anyone breaking an ankle, it's only because Embraer 175 cabins aren't but eight feet or so off the ground.

Granted, this isn't the most egregious example of "If you see something, say something, no matter if you're a panicky idiot or not," since that record is still held by the time a Cartoon Network guerrilla advertising gimmick shut down the entire city of Boston, but it's pretty spectacular.

The passenger who couldn't tell a shutter speed dial from a thermal detonator is not going to be charged with anything, since she was just doing her patriotic duty, and we don't want to discourage that, do we? Besides, panicky overreaction is not in the penal code.

Ce n'est pas une bombe

So the passenger got proned out on the tarmac in the way that normally makes conservatives yell "He should have just followed instructions!" and hauled off to the TSA offices where he got to explain cameras to the guardians of our nation's skies.

I hope the sky over La Guardia turns legal pad yellow and homie ends up owning someone when this is all over, but I'm not going to wager money on that outcome.