Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Taze me out at the ball game.

Let me say up front that I am not in the "zomg Tasers are deadly!" camp. I suppose if somebody with a bad ticker got extremely unlucky when getting zapped, it could stop their clock, but the alternatives, which range from a hickory shampoo at the bottom of a pigpile to a 115gr slug through the center of mass, are generally not known for their holistic health values, either.

That being said, the performance put on at the Phillies game last night was pretty damning of the Philadelphia PD, alright, but not its use of force policy. No, it was the department's PT standards that were on display under the lights in short left at Citizen's Bank Park, and they were found wanting.

Officer Krispy Kreme's midsection was rolling and swaying like a sub-code tenement in downtown Port Au Prince. Roger Clemens couldn't throw a jelly donut past him, even on the juice. That was just absolutely unsat for a man in a job that may entail foot chases.

18 comments:

Joseph said...

Officer Krispy Kreme's midsection was rolling and swaying like a sub-code tenement in downtown Port Au Prince

Too soon.

Nathan said...

Naw, never too soon.

Nathan said...

Snark has no season.

Weer'd Beard said...

"I suppose if somebody with a bad ticker got extremely unlucky when getting zapped, it could stop their clock"

And of course couple the bad judgment that often comes from the type to be coked or cracked to the gills have with the ill effects the derivative of the coca plant have on ones heart.

But hey, why rag on the PD for being a bit dumpy. Do you really need to be able to run a 6min mile, and have massive arms if your primary duties are writing tickets and rolling drunks?

I mean personal protection is the job for people with carry permits! (Said tongue-in-cheek, but fortified with sad truth)

jimbob86 said...

Revenuers don't need to be "The Total Package- there's plenty of easy marks out there, and when they run out of easy marks, they'll fiddle with the Laws a bit and create more criminals out of thin air.....

Joanna said...

Cops should be fit, if only because then they look hawt in their uniforms.

I'm just sayin'.

Nathan said...

Indy 911 :)

Bram said...

The taser probably saved the offier's bad ticker. If not for the taser, he would still be chasing that kid.

The Eagles should give him a try-out for punt returns.

cj said...

For some reason, that picture just screams, "You will respect my autori-tay!" at me.

Dixie said...

Do you really need to be able to run a 6min mile, and have massive arms if your primary duties are writing tickets and rolling drunks?

No, but I prefer my local mobile speed traps to be more healthy than me-- my local Sheriff makes me look skinny.

As a group, my local PD has more chins than a Hong Kong phone book, more rolls than a bakery the day before Thanksgiving, and have probably kept the local Dunkin' Donuts in business since the truck stop closed.

Anonymous said...

Do not got to Philly to do stupid things. The fans probably gave the cop a standing ovation.

No to Krispy Kremes, probably cheesesteaks. Ummmm!

Gerry

Matthew said...

The Greek Navy appears to have a similar problem.

http://www.daylife.com/photo/0fyybojcIff8z

Perhaps its time to review the "baklava for buoyancy" program?

reflectoscope said...

Matthew - I guess Greek sailors like their Greek sailors curvy.

Jim

crankylitprof said...

It's Philly. Dude is lucky that the fans didn't get a hold of him.

We booed Santa!

Anonymous said...

"I suppose if somebody with a bad ticker got extremely unlucky when getting zapped, it could stop their clock, but the alternatives, which range from a hickory shampoo at the bottom of a pigpile to a 115gr slug through the center of mass, are generally not known for their holistic health values, either."

Beautiful, ma'am. That sentence alone is worth the price of admission.

As to the Port Au Prince reference, the only thing that was "too soon" was that it stopped rockin' and rollin' before the western half of that island went all Hank Johnson...

AT

rickn8or said...

Dixie-- You mean you have to paint a stripe on the local cops so you can tell if they are walking or rolling??

Dixie said...

Dixie-- You mean you have to paint a stripe on the local cops so you can tell if they are walking or rolling??

Thankfully I just set the mug down, otherwise there'd be coffee on my monitor.

No, that's why they have those red stripes down the pants leg. (chuckle)

RevolverRob said...

I just had to sing it:

Taze me out to the ballgame, taze me out in the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks, I don't care of I never get whacked. So it's root, root, root for the home team, if they don't win it's a taze! It's 1, 2, 3 tazes you're out at the old ball game!!

It was quite amusing and now stuck in my head.

-Rob