Sunday, August 01, 2010

Gang bangers drive around with their lights off, and when you flash your headlights at them...

Every family has that one relative who never should have been entrusted with a connection to the intertubes.

You know who I'm talking about, right? Aunt Edna or Uncle Jake who forwards every worm-infested glurge email to everybody on their mailing list, believes every conspiracy as long as it's reported in an official-looking email, has yet to meet a phishing scam that won't take them in and, when told that Dictionary.com is unreliable because it didn't have an entry for "gullible", they actually went to look.

Apparently Aunt Edna or Uncle Jake frequently works for a police department, because there are three persistent intarw3bz tales that just refuse to die. They get forwarded constantly from cop shop to cop shop, and have been for a decade or more now. These three memes are:
  • "Full Auto Glock" The gang bangers are all buying full auto Glock conversions on the internets! We're out-gunned!
  • "Cop Killer FN FiveseveN" FN is selling a gun specifically designed to punch through kevlar! We're out-gunned!
  • "Cell Phone Gun" Terrorists are smuggling guns disguised as cell phones into the US! Europe is already on total lockdown because of these! We're out-gunned!
Police departments are very worried about being out-gunned. Especially around budget time. So the message comes in and, tongue sticking out and banging away with two fingers, Sgt. Lifer dutifully forwards it to everybody in his address book after adding a header about "URGENT! NEW THREAT!" with no regard to the fact that these three tales have been circulating on the web so long that they were probably first transmitted at 56k.

And then it gets printed out, posted on some police station bulletin board, and somebody believes it enough to arrest somebody:
Burke wrote in his report that he feared that Greenfield could have been holding a dangerous object such as a "cell-phone gun."
Oy, veh.

You get a lot of them secret agents with the 007 gizmos out there in Delaware County, Deputy?

37 comments:

Kristopher said...

The JBTs should be more worried about those evil Wookiesuiters than gang-bangers.

genedunn said...

But SNOPES says it is true!!! It must be realz:
http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/cellgun.asp

PS: beware of HIV-needles in coin return slots

Tam said...

Snopes is right. There is at least one real cell phone-shaped zip gun. There are also real zebras, but when I hear hoofbeats in these parts, I generally expect a horse. ;)

The Jack said...

I remember two other "out-gunned" scares, plastic guns and caseless guns.

Plastic! OMG they'll go through a metal detector, just like Die Hard2!

Or the caseless with the fear of there's no brass to do CSI on! Even though a wheelgun will do that too.

Fred said...

I've seen cell phones converted to smoke certain substances... I'd be more worried about looking for those. Then again maybe I just work in a quieter neighborhood.

FatWhiteMan said...

I'm not buying any of his story. If that deputy really believed she had a cell phone gun that she was video taping him with, why did he order her to conceal it in her pocket rather than put it on the ground?

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

56k? I'd say more like 300bps for some of them, back when J. Random Cop ran a police only bbs out of his basement.

wizardpc said...

It's most likely a case of "you're not allowed to video tape me!"

You might have moved north by then, but we had a case like that in East Tennessee, where upon realizing that a motorist was in fact allowed to video tape him, a deputy suddenly claimed he thought an iPhone was a laser pointer and confiscated it.

Will said...

In 1996, an agent of an unnamed .gov dept lost a G-18 in an auto break-in. This was in the Los Angeles area. I was told there were only 30 of them in the nation then.

I wonder if the thief ever figured out what that lever on the slide was for?

I was shooting one at the time. Love that fun switch! Only Glock I really like.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute! How does one KNOW the person who claims to be a Police Officer isn't really a White Slaver in Police disguise, complete with uniform, car, radio, and fake dispatcher talking on the radio, just trying to kidnap some unsuspecting young girl to sell into prostitution in some near East or African country?
It seems as likely as a cell-phone gun.

Anonymous said...

"If that deputy really believed she had a cell phone gun that she was video taping him with, why did he order her to conceal it in her pocket rather than put it on the ground?"

Because the "cell phone gun" is a cover story.

Cameras are the new guns.

Shootin' Buddy

Mike said...

As a cop for 35 years, I have never wooried about cell phone guns, full auto anything or the FN 5.7 (the civilian ammo is loaded to lower pressures) or lawful civilian carry. What I worry about are the ignorant peoples out there carrying/using firearms.

Tam said...

"What I worry about are the ignorant peoples out there carrying/using firearms."

The ignorant ones are only dangerous by accident. It's the malicious ones I worry about.

Anonymous said...

"The ignorant ones are only dangerous by accident. It's the malicious ones I worry about."

Especially the malicious ones who have a badge and think that makes them above the Law. There is Nothing worse than a crooked cop.

Old Grouch said...

probably first transmitted at 56k

Hey, as the resident of an "internet dark spot" whose best connect speed - on a good day, with the wind behind it - is 42K, I resent that!
;-P

Kristopher said...

Ya know, Old Grouch, some students have successfully used IPoAC to send an email ... dropped packet rate was pretty high, though.

LawDog said...

Personally, I want one of the cell phone guns.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxIjkBVEtyE

But, then, I'm a bit ... off.

LawDog

Firehand said...

Well hell, Dog, I want one of those AND a .470 H&H double.

They're both so shiny...

Robert said...

"As a cop for 35 years, I have never wooried about cell phone guns, full auto anything or the FN 5.7 (the civilian ammo is loaded to lower pressures)..."

Err...no, it's not. The civilian ammunition produces about the same amount of pressure and force as the police/military restricted stuff (which is not much more than a .22 magnum). The difference is bullet construction. The restricted stuff is armor piercing and uses a steel penetrater, where as the civilian stuff is generally a jacketed hollow point with either a non-armor penetrating aluminum core or a regular lead core, depending on who made it.

Stranger said...

Oleg Volk has pix of the FN 5.7 bullet tracks in ballistic gel, along with almost identical tracks from a .22 Magnum. Advertising men lie - ballistic gelatin does not.

And everything else being equal, I would prefer the magnum, since I could afford to shoot 'em twice. At the price of 5.7 ammo I would have to think about it before I shot 'em the first time.

Stranger

perlhaqr said...

And the only reason it's 56k instead of 1200 bps, is because in those days, a "cell phone gun" would have been the size of a lunchbox. :)

Standard Mischief said...

lucky the lady wasn't in Illinois, Massachusetts, or Maryland.

Seriously, this shit has got to stop.

Also, we need to bring an end to the obvious collusion between the pigs and the fucking judges. By pleading no contest to "obstructing official business", she's lost the right to sue.

I only wish she had promptly gotten her phone to a whitehat to see if the video could be undeleted.

Matt G said...

Sadly, I think I agree with Shootin' Buddy. As I've said before, there is no expectation of privacy while you're in public!!!

This attempt to restrict photography in public has got to stop. But beware: it's a sharp sword, which cuts both directions.

Standard Mischief said...

But beware: it's a sharp sword, which cuts both directions.

Please, there's a difference.

In Maryland the police can video you when you are in the public, and can issue tickets based on recorded evidence of speeding over 12 mph in a construction zone (which frankly is two orange cones and a traffic scamera, which incidentally gives the state no incentive to ever finish a public works project ever again).

If you just happen to have a video camera on your helmet going when some jackass off-dity pig pulls a gun out before pulling a badge and identifying himself properly, well you will likely be arrested, your house will be ransacked, and you will be charged with a felony.

The sword only cuts one way right now.

James family outpost, Iowa. said...

Not only are the coppers passin' that joint around, it got regurgitated on me at the gun counter of a Bass Pro shop 2 years ago by a "salesman" who looked like he turned 21 the week before. He breathlessly reported the new "57" was the only gat designed to penetrate armor vests. I said son if I ever need to penetrate an armor vest I guess a 30-06 will do. He looked puzzled, like he had not thought of that...

jimbob86 said...

"I said son if I ever need to penetrate an armor vest I guess a 30-06 will do."

Hell, the ol' thutty-thutty 'll do that.... see the Box O'Truth....

wv- "flarda" ... birthplace of the CCW Movement.

Bubblehead Les. said...

From what you've been posting about the Police the last few days, something tells me that a certain Female Bike rider may not want to get too close to the Local Law Enforcement-Types for a while:

"Need to see your Driver's License Ma'am (pause) Ma'am, are you the lady who writes that View Blog? Hands in the air! My buddy in Columbus warned me about You! Bang! Bang! Halt! Halt!...Honest Sarge, she was trying to run me over with her Bicycle! I had to empty my weapon into her, it was pure self-defense! Look! She even had a camera in her hand!"

Matt G said...

Funny thing, Les, Tam's got at least one friend on the Columbus PD force, and he's rank.

She's got a fair number of others of us out there, too.

Matt G said...

Standard Mischief, that MD law ain't gonna pass muster. One cannot expect privacy when in public. If it's legal for the cops to vidjo me, then it's legal for me to vidjo them.

While on patrol in Texas, I always assume that I'm on video, and have audio recording, when I'm in public. If I'm doing what I ought, video is my friend.


The right is currently there, just not the legal allowance that will change, if people challenge the status quo of the law. The double edged sword? We should be able to document what we want in public, but so too can they.

Anonymous said...

"Not only are the coppers passin' that joint around, it got regurgitated on me at the gun counter of a Bass Pro shop 2 years ago by a "salesman" who looked like he turned 21 the week before"

Counter jockeys are renowned for their strong yet strange beliefs...kinda my theory as to why you should never walk into most gunstores without knowing exactly what you want...because if you go in looking for advice at the average gun store...you are likely to get a pile of questionable "truths" instead...

Steve Skubinna said...

Not only should there be no expectation of privacy in public (I mean, what is the opposite of "private?") but a public servant should never have an expectation of privacy when on the job.

Just watch, the next scumsucking pol caught on tape accepting a briefcase full of money in some DC parking garage will indignantly denounce the "invasion of his privacy."

Tam said...

"Just watch, the next scumsucking pol caught on tape accepting a briefcase full of money in some DC parking garage will indignantly denounce the "invasion of his privacy.""

Actually, he was boinking an intern in his office while he was on the clock. She saved the dress.


"Counter jockeys are renowned for their strong yet strange beliefs...kinda my theory as to why you should never walk into most gunstores without knowing exactly what you want...because if you go in looking for advice at the average gun store...you are likely to get a pile of questionable "truths" instead..."

Yeah, gun store counter monkeys don't know dick about guns. You average customers are much better informed. I mean, you'd have to be, since something like 90% of y'all were in SEAL team 37 1/2.

John B said...

doesn't everyone have some silly paramilitary experience from the 80's?

Snopes is right. There is at least one real cell phone-shaped zip gun. There are also real zebras, but when I hear hoofbeats in these parts, I generally expect a horse. ;)

Not a Jackass?

Steve Skubinna said...

I mean, you'd have to be, since something like 90% of y'all were in SEAL team 37 1/2.

Ha freakin' ha, Ms. Shooty. Me, I was in Marine Ranger SEAL Brigade Squad Eleventy Seven, but I can't talk about all the shit I did.

Yup, me, Jesse McBeth, Micah Wright and Jimmy Massey operating out of Dang Nab, torturing Iraqian and Afghanistoons and making necklaces out of their body parts.

Good times. But I'd rather not talk about it.

Kristopher said...

What's the color of the boathouse at Hereford?

Standard Mischief said...

>If it's legal for the cops to vidjo me, then it's legal for me to vidjo them.

Of course, that's obvious. Truth, Justice and the American Way, and everything.

But then you have to remember that the state of Maryland is a different state of mine.

Mick Havoc said...

In my rookie year, it was the dreaded Spetznatz spring knife.

Not only would it penetrate your vest, it would pin you to your seat.