Sunday, August 22, 2010

Tactical Tips:

I am forced to present this video sans editorial commentary, as I simply haven't got the words to do it justice:

(via email.)


Stranger said...

A "situation" is usually at the "call in the mops" stage in 30 seconds or less. Stashing Betsy under the pillow and Roscoe in your waistband is much more effective than struggling for even a few seconds trying to put on an armor plated weapons carrier.

While it is true enough that if you would have peace, prepare for war, this is overkill.


og said...

he should just wear the armor all the time. Covers up his bitch tits. Otherwise, the guy couldn't be stabbed without an engineers bayonet, and I'm guessing the layers (and rolls) of man-meat would protect him like big blocks of ballistics gel.

Ken said...

I am forced to present this video sans editorial commentary, as I simply haven't got the words to do it justice....

They say the quality of mercy is mightiest in the mightiest...and apparently also, occasionally, in the snarkiest. :-)

Anonymous said...

I'd bet he can't go 150' wearing that without a rest break. What he really needs is a phone, before he becomes a statistic.


Anonymous said...

og, it is called the "spoon vest".

Why won't these people stay off my side?

Shootin' Buddy

Tam said...

All I can say is that I'd hate to see the coyotes he has in his neck of the woods. The ones I'm familiar with can generally be handled with a .22WMR boltie.

Anonymous said...

He did have duct tape on the back of his mom's sofa, so I guess he was ready for anything.


BangBangMedic said...

I think this guy would be better off with some gym time...a heart attack looks far more likely than a back-shooting, rifle-weilding coyote is.

Loki1776 said...

Now we know what you get if you cross Junior Samples with Gun Kid.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

Slow down! I'm writing down the tactical-tips as fast as I can!

Nick Pacific said...

That is exactly what I tell my wife not to let me become. Of course she books a hotel room in indy this weekend for the show and wants burgers for lunch, so this may be my future anyhow.

Where does he get this "younger folk" thing? He doesn't look too old to lose a few. My dad is 60 and he just lost 20 pounds last month walking his dog.

og said...

"Spoon vest"

is that like, you have to have a shoehorn and a couple of warm spoons, and a tub of mayo to get him into it?

hey, I got no issues with fat gun nuts. I can't imagine anything more undignified than one of them pretending to be some kind of mall ninja. When they do, they should do so alone, so when they wing themselves they don't injure someone else- and they should ALWAYS record it and put it on youtubem for our amusement.

Fred said...

Glad he has a couple extra "clips" for his H&K too. Man's ready for anything!

Laughingdog said...

I think this guy would be better off with some gym time
If you read the first few comments, you'd see that he has a pinched nerve in his back and a jacked up knee. Don't know if that preceded the weight gain or followed it.

He allegedly doesn't eat bad foods. But you can still take in too many calories with healthy foods.

Don M said...

Thanks Tam. I will go for a nice walk today.

Brad K. said...

I bet this one has Rahm Emanuel sweating bul.. uh, bunches.

I have no qualms with having a firearm in the house, though for in-the-structure defense stuff, I like the shotgun advice. Oklahoma had a death yesterday, a woman killed by an accidental discharge in a nearby apartment.

For his particular situation (no children or pets, and apparently no niggling little ordnances that require every firearm be kept chained to the outhouse; physically challenged, and lifestyle-restricted) this doesn't look to be a totally bad accommodation. He does start out restricting his comments to fat guys. And he never did mention defense.

But leaving the heavy weapons on the sofa, means the likelihood of any "coyote" meaning him harm, means the coyote also knows about the preps - and has worked out the timing to get there before the couch potato can sprout.

Plus, I have to imagine a vest and M14 laying on the sofa would put a damper on a date or visit from Aunt Sally and her kids.

Eck! said...

Seriously this is just nuts. Mall nija to the extreme, excess to the max.

I don't need all that for varmant for sure. Anything badder, well all the junk is just in the way.

Your either prepared or not.

Think Tucco, "When You Have to Shoot, Shoot. Don't Talk".


B said...

He'd get a lot more coverage from the vest if he lost about 60 lbs....Of course, all that fat might just as good as the level 2 kevlar at keeping bullets away from his vitals anyway.

besides, from the way he was breathing, I doubt he could do much once he got out the door quickly.....except rest, that is.

Anonymous said...

Huh. He was if nothing else at least good about keeping his boogerhook off the bang switch.


Anonymous said...




Robert Langham said...

The greatest instructional video ever!

Robert Langham said...

He keeps mentioning "getting out the door". I would have loved to see that part! Two esqimos out there would harpoon him, flense him out and start making lamp oil and dog food.

BangBangMedic said...

Laughing Dog, having an injury shouldn't prevent him from keeping himself in a condition where he can at least get off the couch without breathing hard. Allowing the injury to serve as an excuse to become that much of a blob only exacerbates the problem-no problem is going to get better with that much extra baggage on board.

BobG said...

When did Gecko45 gain all that weight?

Anonymous said...

I for one am convinced. No how no way I'm gonna go "rollin' up" at that fat bastard's place. Those Russkie rounds are nasty and he's got a bunch of 'em!


IZinterrogator said...

I might take him a little more seriously when he removes the factory packaging and tags from his Camelbak.

But I probably won't.

Ed Foster said...

As for the doofus, pathetic. I'm willing to bet that sad video will make the rounds of every "liberal" in the country within a few days, reinforcing our image as sister plugging morons.

A quick question. What is it about Warsaw Pact type vests that so attracts the Market Street Commandoes (old folks speak for Mall Ninjas)?

I can sort of see them for swat-type entry teams. You're going to be on your feet and wearing at least a level III + vest, so hanging the odd mag pouch on it isn't going to discomfort you much.

But for anything that consumes more than a minute or two or might need some fire and movement, and/or use of cover and concealment, I don't want anything thicker than a button between me and mother earth.

Spare mags (and grenades if you're still active duty) is what they invented fanny packs for, and bellows pockets on pants (on the side, not the front). I've seen some practical looking leg kits that seem as if they would work too.

I was involved in a memorable demonstration a few decades back, pertaining to why things should not be fastened to the front of your harness. Very painful. Yes, I was used as the demo/dummy, and the emotional bruise is still quite present.

Other than a human wave assault, with scads of screaming bumpkins advancing shoulder to shoulder while they fire their AK's from the hip and slap mags as fast as they can, can you think of a single reason to encumber a soldier with such a stupid accessory?

And what kind of clown would copy such idiocy? But then I repeat myself.

Tam said...


"But for anything that consumes more than a minute or two or might need some fire and movement, and/or use of cover and concealment, I don't want anything thicker than a button between me and mother earth."

Very common in .mil today, too, for, as best I can tell, a number of reasons:

1: Belt real-estate is often obstructed by body armor.

2: A lot of time is spent mounted, and stuff on the waist or back is hard to access in a cramped vehicle and gets tangled up when rapidly unassing said vehicle.

Anonymous said...

Poor guy got to hyperventilating, he was so excited by his revelations. Looks like his best mobility mode is "rolling."

The duct tape near to hand was telling, no?


knice said...

Wow, he got winded reaching across the couch and putting on the vest. He's breathing so hard I bet he couldn't hit squat past 50 yds. I think I feel sick...

alath said...

On the spectrum of YouTube commandos, this guy is actually well toward the "has his act more or less together" pole.

For instance, seems to me just about all the YouTube commandos are rather Rubenesque. This guy is a step ahead because he is actually aware of his physical dimensions and puts some thought toward adjusting his tactics accordingly.

As somone else noticed, he does keep his booger picker off the bang switch. Compared to a random sampling of his peers, I'd rate his chances of shooting himself in the butt rather less than average.

No evidence of shooting at propane tanks. No evidence of sweeping himself, his buddies, or his girlfriend (if extant). No blazing away without thought as to what's downrange.

I'm telling you, this guy is outstanding among his peers.

I do wonder why he loads his 20 round mags with only 15 rounds, tho. Something he heard in the gun store? From a former SAS SEAL Recon Sniper, perhaps?

Frank W. James said...

Why is the word "FARM" used in the caption? I know fat farmers (I'm one), but all of 'em I know can at least get off their couch without breathing hard.

I resent the inference...

All The Best,
Frank W. James

John B said...

speaking strictly as a fat bastard, I don't want him on my side either.

Paul said...

I was wondering about the farm thing myself. An wondering why the twelve gauge behind the sofa, backup? No to mention Toto.

Maybe if you view his youtube fan page (not) the answer will come forth.

Chas S. Clifton said...

The gentleman in the video should at least possess a low center of gravity and hence a stable shooting platform.

WV: Hiplacs. Those come in black, woodland camo, and "coyote."

Anonymous said...

Lol at the rifle plate in the back of the vest.

"If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B."

Anonymous said...

Alath said,

"I do wonder why he loads his 20 round mags with only 15 rounds, tho. Something he heard in the gun store? From a former SAS SEAL Recon Sniper, perhaps?"

I would guess he ran out of money after 3 boxes (60 rounds)


Anonymous said...

Haveing a plan is better than no plan. Fat does not = stupid. Seems like a nice guy. He is not claiming to be a SAS, Seal or Star trooper.

jimbob86 said...

He is all worried about and completely prepared for a frontal assault by .....dozens of coyotes? ... or Bad Guys? ....and is aware of the fatal case of Morid Obesity, who along with "assocaites" Sudden Massive Heart Attack and Diabetes Mellitus, is on him like grease on gravy- yet he is doing squat about the thing that will surely kill him.

I'm guessing that if anything exiting happened, he'd have a massive coronary long before the critter got him...

Revolver Rob said...

Well, he certainly seems maybe less mall ninja than some others.

Still, the vest with front and back plates, what's the use? A side hit would take him down easily and he has a lot of side exposed there. I think he'd be better served to answer the door with the H&K in hand, than wearing all that junk.


Crustyrusty said...

"You see how fast I donned that"

Is THAT what that was? Looked more like flailing and rolling about to me, but what do I know...?

McVee said...

Seriously, After that I could not finish my baked mostaccioli.
Has anyone ever done a tactical Chris Farley in a van down by the river spoof???

NotClauswitz said...

If you think the vest is good wait till you see his bug-out-bag...hmm, it includes a shovel, which reminds me why tankers always carry a shovel - but he's a HAM radio guy too.

Low Glycemic-Index foods would help, the nerve injury, bad knee and surgery back in May obviously havn't helped - I would recommend a bicycle.

Ed Foster said...

Tam. Point conceded, sadly. I worked with the Israeli army for two years on the TAVOR (POS by the way, and I say that as the guy most responsible for turning horrible prints into a functional reciever, bolt, and extractor).

The Israelis fight under armor, because they can't afford the losses really effective leg infantry would have to absorb. But leg infantry would also do a much better job in most cases, with a lot less risk to the light armor lugging them to the battlefield and trying to provide coordinated fire support from 300+ meters back.

Iraq is winding down for the regulars, but Afganistan is shaping up as a serious leg war. A buddy, Bobby Cromer, got back last year after extending in country to 15 months, as a Designated Marksman supporting the 10th Mountain Div.

If you're interested, I have some kickass photos he sent me back, along with some insane video.

I took some before and after snapshots way back when, several of them only seconds after exchanges. We found a bunch of them last year at my mother's, going through her stuff after she passed away.

Scared the crap out of me to look at some of it, and I must have been out of my mind to send it to her.

But almost professional grade videos in the middle of a firefight, with the camera steadied on the reciever of his M-14? Kids are different nowadays.

Bobby (Bob Junior) pointed out that much of their work was at altitudes above safe hover for helos, with insertions a day or more away from where the badguys were, and people having to tump two-thirds of their weight over the Himalayas.

I'm thinking that weight distribution on a long stroll over the top of the world might justify another look at the last leg war, but some of that could be the salty old fart thinking with nostalgia.

Me, in a leg situation, I'd still want the fanny pack, mags upside down on the left, and grenades on the right. Yes, a bullet can set off a loaded magazine and put some frag in your butt, but it's better than a hit in the face or neck.

None of which, I conceed, has anything to do with civilian usage at all, just Old Fart conversation in the Rathskellar or while marking targets after a Hi-Power match.

But a civilian festooned with magazines and military camo is a comic from Mad magazine, not a completely functional individual I'd care to invite in for a beer.

And, as others have commented, I have this sudden urge to lose 20 pounds as quickly as possible. Maybe 25.

Big Chief said...

Bet that fat-ass lives in his Mama's basement.

Bubblehead Les. said...

He probably isn't strong enough to overcome the magazine spring pressure to load more than 15 rounds in without having a coronary!

Will said...

He's got a collection of videos, at least a dozen. Does canning. Not sure if it's a farm, but looks rural. Having trouble with video today, really slow ISP, so can't watch. Reading some of the comments on youtube, other than the ones about his weight, most seem to think he is imparting thoughtful/useful bits of info.

As he states, the rear plate in the vest is mostly to weight balance the stuff on the front. So, it does double duty. Shows he thinks about what he does.

Most of you can't get past his being overweight. It bothers me, but having had a roommate who was a patent holding electronic genius, and 6.5ft @370 lbs (100 lbs overweight), maybe I can get past it easier. (I'm a ft shorter, and 250 lbs less!)

And you can't make the connection between his referring to "coyotes/varmints" and the more common, to this group, "zombies". Same-same, I think. Euphemisms for things that go stomp/kick in the night, yes?

I'll reserve judgement on him until I can view his stuff.

wv: sphloble... the sound he'd make if the dog doesn't move quick enough!

John said...

After all is said, I'd sooner have that guy around, than the whole effin' world of Aunties. Shure and all, after viewing his vid and others even more outre', I'd posit that folks who want to spout gunsavvy on the 'Net ought to have a seven-day waiting period and a peer review before doing so.

BUT: at least he isn't telling me what I should or should not own, or should or should not do -- for the Greater Good.

When it comes to a choice between him or George Soros and Mayor billionaire Bloom-xucks human tools? Not even a contest; even if our large and un-smooth tactical friend is a humor target.

Could we use better PR? Yeah. All the time, unfortunately. The Michigan Militia's Tactical Dance sequence is one I could live without. But the LeftXucks have no monopoly diversity.

John the Red -- who needs to change his Google ID, so as not to confuse wit' other Johns.

Unknown said...

Even Elite Team Fighters have to retire eventually!

A Farewell To Kings said...

Trevor in 20 years.


Tony in 5.

Sarah said...

Given a decision between going shooting with this guy and doing the same with Ralph Severe, I'd hastily retreat from Severe while laying down suppressive Twinkies. At least I wouldn't worry about Mr. Tacti-cool Farmer negligently screwing me up with his utter lack of situational awareness re: firearms.

Joel said...

I wonder...

...why do people think making these YouTube videos is a good idea?

...Does he really think people won't expect him to be doing dynamic entries because he's too old?

...What sort of horrid nightmares does that little dog have?

T.Stahl said...

Thank you, Tam! Thank you so much!
If I needed any more motivation to check out the gym next to the office, this was it. I'll do it this week. Uh, when? Tomorrow I have to train for the championships on Saturday and then I have to take my Panda's car to the garage. Wednesday or Thursday I'll do it!

Thank you again, so much!

WV: hyrip - a rip-you-off hybrid

Anonymous said...

Wow, that guy's channel seems to be going a long way in dispelling the myth that survivalists are all a bunch of out of shape lunatics who can't spell....yeah...

Matt G said...

"You see how fast I donned that."

--while dropping things off of it?

--while grunting?

--and gasping for breath?

--and taking fully 20 seconds to droop a vest over the head and pick up a rifle?

Man, that is slick.

What are the chances that he doesn't see the "coyotes" as something to batter, deep fry, and smother in gravy or ranch? :)

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, many of you are looking at this video the wrong way. He has taken the time to show you how to prepare and all you can do is comment on how out of shape he is. Even though he is not in shape, I'm willing to bet most of you aren't either. He has taken the time to show you survival techniques and all you pundits can do it criticize his physique. If and when TSHTF, I'd rather be in his house than most of yours. Watch his other videos and you might learn something.

mc said...

He seems like a nice enough feller.

People seem to all want so much attention these days, I don't quite understand.

Let's just hope he's not into sexting, because if he is you know it will go viral.

Brad K. said...

@ mc,

"Let's just hope he's not into sexting"

Thank you. That creates a visual image - Will we be treated to this guy being startled by a noise while in the shower - and trying to slip the vest on over his nekkid wet self. *sigh* I do wish him well.

Anonymous said...

i can't stop laughing. there is no comment i can add that does this video justice.

okay, okay fat guys ARE funny.
but i have to agree with the serious folks: hey at least he is trying.

Anonymous said...

mmmmm, good eating after shumer hits the fan, just gotta get behind him where he can't see me. lotsa nice guns after rendering the fat and gnawing the bones

Hobie said...

I know a former Airborne Ranger that would give that fella a run for scale points. About the same age, too. The weight is just sad.

His dog (he got the compact version Doberman) is just precious.

As to the ammo on hand, who knows what he's got in a home that looks like a future set for "Hoarders".

Anonymous said...

A hydration pack? For the long march from the couch to the front door?

I'll bet it has Diet Coke in it.

"At least he's trying".

No, he's buying equipment, believing that Tacti-Cool gear overcomes the very deep hole he is in.


Anonymous said...

Suggested edit for Maj. Caudill's essay*:

"The gun is the only personal weapon that puts a 100-pound woman on equal footing with a 220-pound mugger, a 75-year old retiree on equal footing with a 19-year old gangbanger, and a single (gay!) guy on equal footing with a carload of drunk guys with baseball bats...(and a 500-pound immovable object on equal footing with a pack of ravenous...uh, coyotes)."

And I'm not being facetious here...Tubby is as much a candidate for assigned victimhood as any of the others; he knows it, and he's ready. He might not be able to roll out of his own way, but his trigger finger seems pretty functional, and he's got some pretty efficient tools and supplies within easy reach.

So as I said above, I won't go rollin' up unannounced at that fat bastard's** place; I don't wanna be mistook for one o' them nasty coyotes and get perforated by 7.62.


*aka Marko Kloos' "Why the Gun is Civilization"

**(it's okay for me to call him that, see, 'cause per Labrat's logic, being a moderately fat bastard myself, "there are some words that members of a group can say and out-group members can’t without the context and felt intent changing drastically.")

Tam said...



There's nothing a friend can say to you in jest that wouldn't get a stranger a poke in the snotlocker?

I call bullshit.

Rourke said...

wtf? is right.

Is that couch pink?



Anonymous said...

"I call bullshit."

On what, this?

"There's nothing a friend can say to you in jest that wouldn't get a stranger a poke in the snotlocker?"

Speaking of assignation, or in this case projection...those are your words; mine were:

"I'm not being facetious here..."

I liked 'Rat's logic well enough to quote it, and her two beautifully turned words "felt intent" say it all, in this as in so many things.

Since I know that you know that it's always a mistake to make broad assumptions and slap labels on complex people or things, I'm tempted to say you're just being an A-word. And since I've often said I take some measure of pride in being an A-word myself when warranted ('course if it's warranted is it really being an A-word?), that should be okay since the actual intent would be "jest". But since I can't speak to the "felt intent" in this instance, I wont. Plus I don't want to chance a poke in the snotlocker.

So I'll just "call bullshit" back.


Dr. StrangeGun said...

He's... from the internet.

And he's here to help.

Anonymous said...

Look. If it makes him feel better to be so prepared, then fine. Personally, I wouldn't advertise my defensive strategies. ZOMBIES might be surfing the web.

Ulises from CA