Thursday, October 07, 2010

BREAKING NEWS!

ZOMG! FREEWAY SHUT DOWN!

Remember that I-70 closure I mentioned the other day? Yeah, well, that's today, and let me tell you, the morning news crew couldn't be happier if a drunken sports superstar and his supermodel girlfriend crashed his private jet full of orphans into a shelter for stray kittens operated by nuns. They've got mast cams, choppers in the air, breathless reporters at every off-ramp and crews sticking mics in the face of the pissed-off crowd at every truck stop...

We don't get hurricanes or earthquakes much here in the midwest, so we've got to make our own little disasters to keep reporters happy.

Those better be some pretty bushes, that's all I have to say.

10 comments:

og said...

You realize the bushes will probably winter kill, right?

Unless, of course, we get a little global warming to help them along.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Any kids heads explode yet?

Ian Argent said...

I am sure they'll make for pretty pictures on Eli Lilly stockholder reports, infomercials, adverts, etc...

Ancient Woodsman said...

You don't even have to make up the disasters.

Usually they're elected.

Nathan said...

I've been hearing for years that what's good for Lilly is good for Indianapolis.

I didn't believe it the first time I heard it and I don't believe it now.

D.W. Drang said...

Maybe they'll plant cannabis, or opium poppy, and turn the highway deportment into a for-profit operation.

WV: bacie. No, I doubt they'd plant tobaccy, that'ld be too non-PC...

Montie said...

Tam,

I vote for Ancient Woodsman on winning the internets today ;-)

Anonymous said...

Great Post - Thank Gore for the internet so we can all enjoy it.

Anonymous said...

Nothing a little Roundup won't cure...

Jeffro said...

I blame Bush.