ZOMG! FREEWAY SHUT DOWN!
Remember that I-70 closure I mentioned the other day? Yeah, well, that's today, and let me tell you, the morning news crew couldn't be happier if a drunken sports superstar and his supermodel girlfriend crashed his private jet full of orphans into a shelter for stray kittens operated by nuns. They've got mast cams, choppers in the air, breathless reporters at every off-ramp and crews sticking mics in the face of the pissed-off crowd at every truck stop...
We don't get hurricanes or earthquakes much here in the midwest, so we've got to make our own little disasters to keep reporters happy.
Those better be some pretty bushes, that's all I have to say.