Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hostage Delivery Service.

Want to get groped by an angry mob? Planning on funding your retirement with royalties from a 444 Days to Freedom-esque memoir? Book now for the "Freedom Evolution" cruise on the M/V Azamara Quest!
"If I say it's safe to surf this beach, Captain, then it's safe to surf this beach!" -Col. Kilgore
Like the crew of the PBR in Apocalypse Now, you'll sail past scenes of bullet-torn chaos and mobs of howling savages, witnessing history in the making. Just remember Chef's advice: Never get out of the boat.

In other, totally unrelated news: Somali pirates have hijacked a yacht full of Americans.

32 comments:

Tango Juliet said...

“Common sense is not so common.” -- Voltaire

Anonymous said...

It could be great fun if the M/V Azamara Quest was formerly christened the USS New Jersey.

Gerry

Me said...

1. So what kind of dumbass sails an unarmed yacht into piirate-infested waters?

2. So why hasn't the US Navy swooped in to save said dumbasses from their own dumbassery, if for no reason other than to uphold the US flag?

Very sad on all levels.

John Stephens said...

1. Wealthy dumbasses, otherwise they wouldn't be able to afford a yacht.

2. Who's the US Navy's Commander-In-Chief?

Any more questions?

BobG said...

Maybe Obama could apologize to them, and ask them to be nice, that's about his speed.

Steve Skubinna said...

"Don't worry, we'll be perfectly safe - we're Americans! Who never voted for Bush!"

Discobobby said...

Stay calm. You don't just snap your fingers to make SEAL snipers appear like the State Farm ads. Friday to Sunday is a long time to get stuff moving, and they're moving from an area not well patrolled to an area that is relatively dense with joint task force assets. I'd be surprised if they made it to shore before they ran into someone determined to cut them off.

If they do make it to shore, they're well and truly screwed.

perlhaqr said...

Israeli playbook: "You should not have killed the hostages" and drop a MOAB on them just as they dock.

I might be feeling just a wee bit bloodthirsty this morn.

atlharp said...

Nice cruise! Will they be playing the "The End" by The Doors as they putt-putt through the Suez Canal? Maybe Bill Ayers can come along and lead everyone in a chorus of "Death To America!"

Kristopher said...

John Stephens:

Most yachties are not wealthy. The typical crew is a retired couple who sold the farm to buy theirs, and are funding themselves with pension or SS checks.

TBeck said...

Life imitating art again. Uncle Duke was chartering day cruises to watch the U.S. invasion of Grenada in DOONESBURY a couple of decades ago.

Hunter said...

@Kristopher: You are correct about this yacht crew. They are retired and are about half-way through a round the world. Stopping in some pretty out-of-the-way places to evangelize. The Adams came through Alaska a while back.

Hunter
Ketchikan, AK

Discobobby said...

And right on schedule, the pirates are complaining they're being shadowed by "a warship with a helicopter on the deck.".

Most would consider that a hint.

Anonymous said...

Don't know, but I would bet these folks are anti-gun lefties. You know how they say you find religion when faced with the end? Wonder if it's the same for armed defense...

It's not the role of USN to protect dumbasses from themselves, but to maintain free passage on international waters. When they can intersect this boat, stop it, give them an ultimatum to surrender, and if they don't, shoot to kill. Any hostages harmed/killed? Collateral damage. Dumbasses.

AT

Tam said...

AT,

"It's not the role of USN to..."

It's the role of our armed forces to teach wogs not to trifle with American citizens.

"Perdicaris alive or Raisuli dead!"

Joseph said...

"Civilize'em with a Krag!"

Pirates, historically, have been dealt with by cannon fire or a hangman's rope. Supposedly some pirates have started torturing captives. Find a mother ship with weapons, sink the damn thing. If you want to be nice, put the pirates back on the beach. Otherwise...well, bad stuff can happen at sea. It's a lot like breaking into someone's home...they take a chance. Sometimes they lose.

Discobobby said...

Tam is spot on. Treat piracy like piracy - start breaking shit and killing people in response and the cost/benefit analysis suddenly looks quite different to those considering it. Is it legal? I dunno. But I'm inclined to back the judgement of the on-scene commander, and if he sees fit to shoot up a seedy looking, unflagged vessel in pirate infested interational waters, he gets graded on accuracy and efficiency first, with discretion in second place. Actual fishermen generally have actual fishing gear and are actually fishing. Makes the troublemakers fairly obvious.

perlhaqr said...

AT: Why presume they're anti-gun lefties?

I mean, if they're sailing around handing out bibles... That's not your typical left-wing behaviour.

If you're interpolating that simply because they didn't have any guns on board, you aren't allowed to dock almost anywhere in the world with privately owned weapons on your vessel.

Son of Sam Adams said...

Californians. And Christians. Want to bet they weren't prepared, physically or mentally, to punch a possible convert's ticket to Hell?

Matt G said...

I rather hope that we can interrupt their landing at Mogadishu. But if we do not, may I suggest reviewing a training film on how best to respond?

"Perdicaris alive or Raisuli dead!"

Indeed.

Will said...

If you are sailing outside US waters, you need to be very creative in hiding your anti-piracy weapons. I think it was mid-twentieth century that the rest of the world began to frown on armed sailors, of both ship and boat type. Maybe earlier. Damned stupid policy. I imagine if our state dept was staffed by real people, that problem could be fixed easily.

Joe in PNG said...

One has to remember that, to a good part of the world, boomsticks are a bad juju that can actually summon evil.

But enough about England...

Tam said...

Joe in PNG wins the internets!

Anonymous said...

"It's the role of our armed forces to teach wogs not to trifle with American citizens."

Guess they didn't get that memo down at Southern Command in El Paso...

AT

Tam said...

AT,

Makes you wonder what's going to happen the next time Pancho Villa shoots up Columbus.

Discobobby said...

Fort Hood. I think most of the 1st Cav and the 3rd ACR are deployed, but I suspect the rear detachments could field a pretty respectable ad-hoc between them. BlackJack rides again.

If you wanted a classic cavalry response, of course. If you wanted something a bit more modern but still western themed, Apaches would be just the ticket.

But you're right, it probably will take an incident of that magnitude for the wake-up call to finally be picked up. Hey, Britney has a new video! Look at the sparkles! *sigh*

Kristopher said...

AT: Some yachties do go armed. They have to stay out of some ports ( especially Mexican ones ), even if the firearms are in a locker and declared.


There was a report on noonsite in the late 90's from a NZ skipper who was part of a flotilla passing through the Red Sea that was saved from a pirate assault by a flagged American yacht that drove Adenese pirates off with AR-15 fire.

These pirates complained to Egyptian authorities by phone, and the American yacht and crew needed intervention by the US consul to get the Suez canal authorities to release them.

Kristopher said...

Oh, and it looks like the pirates shot the hostages this time, as soon as the marines showed up.

If we had a pres worth a crap, they would have been all hung, and their little home hovels leveled via bombardment.

Anonymous said...

So the "yachties" got croaked, friendly fire or otherwise, don't know yet, only that they're dead and rather brought it on themselves. Not that they deserved to die for indulging their dreams, but like a bungee jumper that knows that rubber band might snap, they knew the risks and presumably checked out doing what they loved.

The mil did the right thing lighting them up, and as I said above, the collateral damage was apparently unavoidable, and in this case, acceptable.

What I'm having a hard time understanding is that only two of the boogies were taken out, and we are holding 13 live ones?!

That'll cost us another couple mil to deal with and prosecute, and of course the vermin are better off being held by us than living their regular wretched lives in their rat warren.

And that's on top of the, what, million or so we already spent chasing them down plus putting our people at risk who are put to better risk elsewhere. That's why I have little sympathy for the victims here, and hope that their sudden and unpleasant demise will contribute to a reluctance for others to follow their slipstream dreams into places that put not only themselves in harm's way, which they are quite free to do, but innocent others, both physically and monetarily, which they certainly are not free to do.

RIP, ya'll, but you're still dumbasses, just deader than before.

AT

Tam said...

I really preferred the comments that neo-nazi left on my blog.

Kristopher said...

AT: If the US military isn't there to defend US citizens, then WTF is it for?

I 'spose the libertarian answer is to not have one, and replace it with local militias. That answer was found wanting by President Jefferson in the face of Barbary pirates seizing New England Merchantmen ... surely a whole trade full of bungee-jumping daredevils there.

Jefferson was such a statist when he assembled a Navy and Marine Corp to go invade Tripoli and put a stop to it.

Anonymous said...

"I really preferred the comments that neo-nazi left..."

I know, right? Canned snarkybits are so much easier to distribute when everyone keeps their lapel pin, party card, arm band, or tattoo in plain view.

AT