Friday, September 02, 2011

I had a dream last night, 'cause it looked just like a dream...

Actually, the night before last was definitely a more unusual dream. I was in some little town in New Hampshire and there was an outbreak of zombies shambling all over the place, including the schoolmarm, but we'd left our guns in New York City, so I had to hop in my '72 Buick Electra Deuce-and-a-Quarter and drive down to fetch them.

And so there I was in a parking lot in the Big Apple in the middle of the night, with all these EBR's laid out on the trunk and roof of the car, loading mags by the mercury-vapor glow of the street light and trying to get the stupid passers-by to stop picking the guns up and pointing them at each other, when I noticed that someone had been into the cache and replaced all the AKs and MP-5s with airsoft guns, leaving us with about half as many guns as we should have had, and I thought "Dude, Marko is going to be pissed when he finds out."

My biggest worry was that there was only the one M4gery, and the other guns were SIG 552s and Galils and other guns whose manual of arms I'm not as switched on with. I can run an AR in my sleep (apparently) and I'm pretty up to speed on the AK and HK, but those had been replaced with airsofts, so I was hoping nobody else would want the M4.

And when I got back to New Hamster, we found out that it was a batch of bad pepperoncini that was turning people into brain-eating shamblers, and so we were driving from deli to pizzeria, smashing jars of pepperoncini.

Last night was your more basic run-of-the-mill dream that involved shopping in a Borders book store that had a breakfast buffet, and the other shoppers kept joggling my elbow in the buffet line and the bacon would slide off my plate, causing me to have to try and get back in line to get bacon. Also, there weren't enough napkins and the ones there were were flimsy like the ones in the packets with the plastic utensils at a takeout joint and they wouldn't get the bacon grease off your fingers worth a darn, and I was thinking "Whose bright idea was it to serve bacon in a book store, anyway?"

And the Borders was in some kind of post-apocalyptic Bartertown where they were building a working half-size model of the Space Shuttle to launch into orbit. And there was a Jayne-like statue of Bonnie in the town square for some reason, across from the place that sold antique hubcaps and '50s-vintage tin toys.

Anyhow, yeah, like I said: Pretty run-of-the-mill dream.

22 comments:

og said...

You can kill dream zombies with airsoft guns, it'sa just not as loud. Good for library work.

Anonymous said...

Oh, sure it's just some crazy dream but what bothers me is why does Marko have a weapons cache in New York City? Is this some Bundeswehr thing?

Shootin' Buddy

Tam said...

My biggest worry in Dream One was that there was only the one M4gery, and the other guns were SIG 552s and Galils and other guns I'm not as familiar with. I'm pretty up to speed on the AK and HK, but those had been replaced with airsofts, so I was hoping nobody else would want the M4.

In Dream Two, I thought the omelet loaf was delicious, but the napkins were flimsy and I was worried about bacon grease on my fingers in a book store.

Laura said...

...and now i have Butthole Surfers in my head.

Tam said...

Hooray! :)

(Me, too...)

Stuart the Viking said...

Really, I would think that if you understand the M16 family and the AK family you should have enough base knowlege to be able, with a little bit of time futzing with them (makeing sure they aren't loaded) to pick up what you need to know about those others. Enough to kick some zombie ass anyway.

My understanding of the Galil (admittedly mostly from reading) is that if you know the basics of the AK, you already know what you need to know to get the Galil up and running. A feller I knew was re-dressing an AK to LOOK like one, although I don't think he was going to fool anyone.

I will have to admit ignorance when it comes to the SIG 552 other than it looks cool and I'll probably never get to own one. It doesn't look too difficult to figure out though.

s

Tam said...

Stuart,

I've fired examples of all of the above, some of them multiple times, but there's a big difference between knowing where all the buttons are and being able to run a weapon at a level of unconscious competence.

Anonymous said...

That's Deuce 'na Quawtah to be more precise.

I've mentioned to you before in one of your car posts the '72 I traded for a $800 watch in '78. It was during the echo oil "shortage" and you could get a land yacht for nearly nothing. This one had 39K miles, a 455ci monster motor, and a cabin as luxuriously appointed in brocade fabric as any posh living room. I could set that ten-position seat to layback, crank up some Supertramp or 10cc, and cruise the turnpike and 75 from Palm Beach to Valdosta to see my kids in total comfort, if I could find the gas.

Great choice for a gun run too; that trunk and back seat could hold even your stash of iron and ammo, and all that bulk and pre-gov battering ram bumpers would serve well to crash roadblocks and zombiemobiles.

I cracked a head when I picked up a heavy SeaRay boat for my boss in Daytona and kept going to the next exit when the temp went into the red because I didn't want to kill or be killed alongside 95 at night. The fix would cost as much as the car so I put it in a mini warehouse and never went back for it. Oh well, it wouldn't fit in my garage today, or maybe even my driveway, but I still have fond memories of old Buford Buick.

Nice dreams, Tam...with all the 'surfing you do and all the info/trivia bouncing around in your noggin, I never know what your nighttime consciousness is going to spit out next.

Jay G said...

Zombie outbreak in NH? Oh, I think I know a good ol' boy or two who woulda helped y'all out...

Althought it would be hard for me to smash pepperoncini...

Josh K. said...

If Boarders would of been smart enough to served *Bacon* there would still be a Boarders.

SpeakerTweaker said...

Bartender, I'll have what she's having.

Pepperoncini Zombies and Bacon in Borders. The former could easily be a short story for the gunnie crowd. The latter could be a band name.



tweaker

BobG said...

Did you have a mushroom pizza before going to bed?

Robin said...

'...and I was thinking "Whose bright idea was it to serve bacon in a book store, anyway?" '

Which is how you knew it was a dream, because awake you'd have seen the advantages immediately.

Tam said...

BobG,

"Did you have a mushroom pizza before going to bed?"

Ham, black olives and feta, actually.

Stuart the Viking said...

Tam,

OH... you want to kill zombies with aplomb (which I don't doubt that you could... Hmmm... rule 34 on this one?). I usually go for the franetic "AAAAHHHH!!!! DIE DIE DIE YOU DEPLORABLE BRAIN MUNCHER!!!!" when slaying zombies in my dreams. Yes, there are malfunctions to figure out how to clear and such, but that just makes it all more fun.

After all, it is a dream, might as well have fun with it. If it were real life there would be too much time wasted dealing with the bleeding heart "zombies are people too" crowd.

s

John B said...

Whatever you had for supper or a pre slumber snack, I'll have one too.

Bram said...

Tam,

Next time you have a dream zombie attack in NH, head north and west. I'll meet you at Fort Ticonderoga with ammo and seeds.

http://www.ussticonderoga.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/FtTiconderoga.jpg

45er said...

Movie Rights!!

CaptainAttila said...

Whoa, come the Singularity, I want to plug into the feed from your head!

Anonymous said...

Dear Tam,

Your dreams sound a lot like Seattle to me.

Mark

Justthisguy said...

Our Tam's writings are becoming more discursive, and florid. Yep, we are definitely getting into the End Times.

Should we even bother to put up photo-voltaic panels on our rooves, the Sun being about to go out?

Squeaky Wheel said...

WTF, Tam. WTF.

(Seriously, that's hilarious!)