Friday, September 30, 2011

Overheard in the Kitchen:

Roomie has been doing the gluten-free thing, which I can't complain about at all, because the average number of bacon days per week at Roseholme Cottage has gone up. It has, however, led to the occasional unfortunate dining experience:

RX: "Ugh. That cereal tasted like maple-flavored sawdust."

Me: "Well, what did you expect? It's made by a company called 'Nature's Path' and says 'organic' right on the front of the box in big letters. It's probably made of ground-up Birkenstocks."

RX: "Well, they only have so many different kinds of gluten-free cereal at Fresh Market. I'll get some Chex from Marsh next time I'm there. How come Post can make a gluten-free cereal that tastes good?"

Me: "Because Post's customers expect their food to taste good, whereas Nature's Path customers are trying to express their virtue through their food choices, and how do you know you're being virtuous if the food tastes good? It's not a breakfast cereal; it's a hair shirt you eat with a spoon!"

RX: "That's exactly what it tasted like! And one that had been dropped on the floor and covered in dust bunnies, too!"


Anonymous said...

The gluten free corn flakes from Nature's Path are yummy every once and a while.

Shootin' Buddy

BobG said...

Haven't eaten cereal in over 40 years; the closest thing to it I will eat is grits, with a touch of cheese added.

Anonymous said...

Tam - Nature's Path customers are trying to express their virtue through their food choices

Kind of like many people who buy a Prius, I suppose. "Look at ME! I'm SAVING THE PLANET!"

Out of curiosity, how does the nutritional value of the gluten-free/vegan/free-range/organic/fair-trade cereal stack up to Corn Flakes or Chex?

Dave H said...

Make a stand for world peace! Buy only conflict-free breakfast cereal!

Robb Allen said...

No exaggeration, It's not a breakfast cereal; it's a hair shirt you eat with a spoon! elicited hot coffee from my nose.

Worth the burn, tho'

Joanna said...

See if Kashi has any gluten-free products. Sure, they're organic, but they're smart about -- they actually emphasise taste instead of virtue.

Ed Foster said...

Lost 9 pounds in three weeks, without any extra exercise. All the meat I can force down, plenty green veggies, zero caffine, zero starches, zero sugars.

I fill up with fried black beans at breakfast, along with half a pound of bacon and two eggs over easy (soak the beans for two days and change the water 2 or 3 times a day, the gas problem will mostly go away) and Mexican minus the tortillas and corn crap for dinner, with a steak (and beans) for a snack any time I want it.

Sadly, you also have to give up all dairy except cream (the lactose stays in the milk), so no cheeseburgers, but the local restaurant just adds more bacon to my burger and it's O.K.

Kristophr said...


Graham crackers were invented by an apostate of Kellogg's insano health school.

He figured out that he needed to make it taste good to get folks to eat the fiber.

Kellogg never forgave his fellow travelers for making things that tasted good ... including the people who took control of his company.

Les Jones said...

All the same, I've wondered what actual Graham crackers tasted like. I suspect the Nabisco version is a pretty distant cousin from the original.

espresso said...

I was laughing so hard I can't breathe!

Though, having known a few people with Ciliac's Disease, I have to say that gluten-free can be serious business, and can be difficult to do. Some argue, rather credibly, that we aren't evolved to digest wheat protein very well, given that we spent most of our species' existence as hunter-gatherers, not as farmers.

Still and all, I agree with the notion of ridiculing people who flagellate themselves to show their virtuousness.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Mmmm. Dust Bunnies.... bet you they go great with Mello Yello.

Stranger said...

What gripes me is four bucks for three ounces of rice crackers that someone has waved a piece of cheese over.

Since at least seven percent of us have a gluten sensitivity, what we used to call sprue, it would appear the groceries could do better than sky high prices on rice - and equally high prices on cellulose flour products.

As you say, ground and deflavored wood chips. The horse that eats the corral fence will not touch the stuff.


Boat Guy said...

"Kind of like many people who buy a Prius, I suppose. 'Look at ME! I'm SAVING THE PLANET!'"
The ones who give me the "RCA listening Dog" head-twist when I call their Prius "Coal-powered" and ask them where their electricity comes from...

global village idiot said...

Oh, the Prius is gas-powered, all right - it's the Volt, Leaf and golfcarts that are coal-fired.

Tam, you reminded me of A Prairie Home Companion's faux-sponsor, "Mournful Oatmeal."

Except that I like oatmeal with sugar and milk.

I have an acquaintance - we used to be friends - who watched my house during my last deployment. I'd had tons of food put-by, and asked her if she'd rotate it out as she stayed here. She turned her nose up at it - "We eat healthy," she'd say of her and her son.... she popped the top of a Pepsi.

More than half of the stuff was unusable when I came back. What a waste.


Sigivald said...

I am occasionally exposed to various hippie foods like that.

Some of them are, somewhat surprising from that perspective, actually good.

(Like those hippie-dippy Trio bar things?

Man, they're TASTY.)

SordidPanda said...

Making gluten free waffles sounds weird, but basically whipped egg whites provide the fluffiness. My wife makes the best, and when topped with lingon berries and real whipped cream are definitely not for the self righteous.

Mamas brand is the best.

Scout26 said...

MMMMMmmmmm organic.

Means tastes like poo.

w/v: hipermu- Hippy Menu - No taste, but guilt-free!!!

Cormac said...

Could this have something to do with your journey to the sock drawer?

A little cotton-fiber snack before your hair shirt entree?

MonteG said...

"Because Post's customers expect their food to taste good, whereas Nature's Path customers are trying to express their virtue through their food choices, and how do you know you're being virtuous if the food tastes good?"

Or, as The Offspring put it, "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care."

Buzz said...

Not all "good for you" food tastes like used hemp skivvies.

One of the tastiest snack foods I like is Olive chips. Made by "Food Should Taste Good" brand. Bonus for Roberta: Gluten free

Another insanely awesome and can't stop eatin' chip: Chip'ins Buffalo Wing popcorn chips. You'll down the whole bag and curse me every time you pass them in the store.

Jerry said...

Bisquick has a gluten free variety. The pancakes & Biscuits taste the same as regular. There's even a pizza dough recipe.

I saw a gluten free beer the other day in my local Dierbergs.

One of these days I've got to work on gluten free pretzels without corn starch or wheat.

Tam said...


You pretty much had me sold at "olive chips". Olives are like nature's crack cocaine.

Justthisguy said...

Has Miss X been having tummy troubles? That sucks, if so. I hope the change of diet has been good for her.

I spent a good chunk of yesterday eating nothing at all, just drinking water and hiking on pavement at high noon.

My tinnitus went away!

Unfortunately, eating nothing at all makes you feel faint, so I ate something, later, and the crickets crawled back into my ears.

WV: nitivess. Like Natives, except that they only come out at night.

Anonymous said...

Jerry -

The gluten free beers I've tried try to hard in the flavor department. I want a nice, lite tasting beer. Is that too much to ask? Simply duplicate Coors Lite, leave out the barley malt, and I'll be happy.