Sunday, September 04, 2011

Overheard in the Office:

RX: "I know how to handle the wild hog problem in Texas: Introduce tigers. As a bonus, well, they may not fly, but they're pretty close to your dream of a twenty-foot predator."

Me: "Oh, yeah. But don't forget that pigs like to hide out in swales and creek beds and suchlike, so we could introduce Nile crocodiles, too."

RX: "But tigers like to swim, too!"

Me: *does that thing where I get all excited and wiggle my hands spastically* "Ooh! Then you'd have crocodile-versus-tiger battles, which would be cool! Especially if ninjas jumped into the middle of it!"

31 comments:

Guffaw in AZ said...

I'm just sitting here wondering what you ladies would be like on a mind-altering substance?
Fascinating!

Txred said...

This makes me think of my favorite quote from the early 90s Rutger Hauer cheese-fest Split Second. Upon seeing the huge monster they've been chasing for most of the film, Hauer's partner has the following epiphany: "We need to get bigger guns. BIG F*#@ING GUNS!"

I also hereby nominate the lower Rio Grande as the initial stocking location. Crocs and tigers and Los Zetas, oh my!

Ygolonac said...

Heh. Demented minds think alike, I guess. I just posted the Tiger Solution to a forums-thread a couple weeks back - the original poster was detailing using a radio-controlled aircraft with IR camera as a UAV to spot the hogs, and vector in someone with a gun. (He's also gone after 'em with spears, and gotten PETA on his case because of such things.)

From his thread: "The biggest tragedy was my SD card recording one of the flights ran out of space just as the shooting started. I lost video of the shooter literally surrounded by pigs, scattering them, then having one turn right back around and run at him."

LabRat said...

Wrong species for the local ecology. What you want is lions, who spent quite a long tenure in North America before the megafauna dieoff eradicated the local branch. Both big cats love a good meal of extremely fresh pork, but the lions are better at adapting to the drier areas.

As for crocodiles, for the most part both species know their respective mediums of superiority and don't challenge the other within it- though when something really good is up for grabs it can get interesting.

Dwight Brown said...

"No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death."

Laughingdog said...

It's nice to have people around that make me feel normal by comparison. ;)

Joanna said...

Laughingdog: The key to surviving around here is to shut up and eat your awesome.

Anonymous said...

"does that thing where I get all excited and wiggle my hands spastically..."

No, that's called "flapping." Are you quite certain that you have no autistic tendencies, Ma'am?

Groundhog said...

Sure would look interesting from the helicopter. Pig heard being 3 way attacked by tigers, crocks and ninja's Oh My!!!

TBeck said...

A small town in the Texas Panhandle recently had a big mountain lion caught on a game camera. Tigers in Palo Duro Canyon might be a problem, however.

BobG said...

Have to go with Labrat; lions would be better. Tigers do better in cold climates. Dump a bunch into Montana and they would be in heaven. Would make for some awesome filming if you caught one disagreeing with a grizzly.

Larry said...

Put it on the syfy channel and you'd have another made-for-tv hit on your hands...

Rabbit said...

You do realize there are more tigers in Texas than are believed to be living in the wild in the Subcontinent, right? Last number I heard mentioned was around 5,000 in captivity in Texas alone.

Cheetahs would just be much more fun than lions, and are adapted to the climate as well. They'd be a little rougher on the whitetail population than on the pigs, though.

Wayne said...

And sharks with lasers on their heads!

warlocketx said...

That sort of thing always reminds me of the rhyme that begins "I know an old lady who swallowed a fly..." Offsetting carnivores is a great idea in theory, so do it in Theory and leave Texas alone.

The proper solution is calibers beginning with "4" (or greater than 10, for the metric folks) together with modern transportation, such as helicopters. Those have their drawbacks, but at least they don't sneak into your house at night and eat the kids.

Regards,
Ric

Anonymous said...

"I also hereby nominate the lower Rio Grande as the initial stocking location. Crocs and tigers and Los Zetas, oh my!"

I second that!

@warlocketx: That's no problem, with a pack of Rhodesians!

I wonder what the West would be like if WOLVES were reintroduced? They might put the brakes on the pigs ... and the Zetas, too!

Ulises from CA

Kristopher said...

Nope.

If anyplace need to be re-wilded, it should be the Boston-Washington corridor.

Introduce the wildlife there.

Old NFO said...

Lions and panthers... They LIKE pig on the hoof :-)

Will said...

How big a population of lions/tigers (ligers?) would it take to be self-sustaining? If you're gonna do it, get it right the first time.

Spud said...

Let hunters take care of em. Problem is that land owners will only allow hunting if paid by said hunters.
Out west where I'm from, hunting leases are unheard of. Just ask permission from the land owner, he'll gladly let you hunt for pests.
Hunting leases only allow the wealthy to hunt...

Roberta X said...

Pest "hunting" can be done pretty much 24/7/365.

If I understand Frank, feral hogs are wily enough and dangerous enough that amateurs need a hunting guide, to help ensure they come back -- and the hogs do not.

Tam said...

Spud,

If you're just gonna bring your .30-30 and "hunt" hogs, yes, they'll charge you.

If you're going to show up with thermal imaging and a self-loading rifle and kill hogs, they'll probably pay you.

perlhaqr said...

Warlocketx: But then we'd be ignoring New Mexico's unoffical re-rendition of the Texas Motto: "Mess with Texas". ;)

Sport Pilot said...

I'm sure that FL would love to share it's host of python's and anaconda's w/TX. Those reptile's just love little piggie's and anything else that they can catch.

Ed Foster said...

Kristopher wins.

libertyman said...

Hey Tam -- here's your 20 foot predator! http://news.yahoo.com/giant-crocodile-captured-alive-philippines-134625838.html

Just My 2¢ said...

Just wait a couple decades. Those beautiful wolves that that are prospering in my back yard will spread. All they need to do is wander down the Rockies until they hit Raton, New Mexico, then turn southeast.

On the other hand, they may decide to hit the feedlot buffets in Kansas and Iowa.

staghounds said...

I have long thought the Smokies would benefit from tigers, but Texas is lion and cheetah country.

And lions, crocodiles, and a man do not share apartments well:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,99142,00.html

Tam said...

Anon 3:38,

"No, that's called "flapping." Are you quite certain that you have no autistic tendencies, Ma'am?"

I am quite certain that I am not on any trendy, BS, made-up "spectrums", thankyouverygoddammuch.

J.R.Shirley said...

"Ooh! Then you'd have crocodile-versus-tiger battles, which would be cool! Especially if ninjas jumped into the middle of it!"

Sometimes I miss the hell out of you.

Spud said...

Tam,
I usually just hunt with a bow, but Mr. 454 is just under my shoulder for comfort...