Friday, September 30, 2011

That was weird.

I got up from my desk to go fetch another Mello Yello Zero from the fridge and, as I got to the hallway, started composing a post in my head, leaving the ol' feet on autopilot to accomplish the beverage-fetching task.

When I returned my attention to what I was doing, I was not in the kitchen with the refrigerator open, but in a completely different room with my sock drawer open, feeling vaguely puzzled. As one might expect, there wasn't any soda pop in there. (And if there had been, it would have been warm anyway...)

What's the level of alertness that makes Condition White look vigilant?

51 comments:

Suz said...

Comatose.

Tango Juliet said...

Catatonic?

North said...

I've done that!

Your Mello Yello wasn't where I was looking, either.

Sport Pilot said...

Your Id is at work.

Ancient Woodsman said...

Whatever condition it is that makes one read that there post, and wonder, "Man, Jay is really spacing it this morning...wait a minute...this isn't MARooned!" Let us know when you figure it out.

Must be something in the atmosphere today. Sunspots?

Stuart the Viking said...

That all depends upon what you keep in your sock drawer (other than socks, unless maybe your feets were cold).

Nudge nudge wink wink...

s

the gripping hand said...

Condition Democrat.

Nathan said...

I do that almost every day.

I'm chalking it up to creeping old age. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

rickn8or said...

I wouldn't worry too much about it until you find yourself wandering around a parking lot, discretely pushing the "lock" button on your key fob and listening for the beep.

Or trying to remember which vehicle you drove down in.

Dave H said...

If you were at the trap range I'd say you were locating your natural point of aim. But if your natural point of aim is your sock drawer, you may want to consider a different hobby.

BobG said...

Sounds like a Class III brain fart to me.

og said...

Condition transparent.

Shrimp said...

Og beat me to it. I was going to call it Condition Clear. Although Condition Foggy might work too.

Brian said...

Condition Brown

Jeff said...

Wait, they still make Mello Yellow?

westofthewest said...

I found myself walking out of Amoeba Music yesterday in much the same condition. Luckily I am large and people move out of my way.

Yes the new John Doe album is that good

Tam said...

Jeff,

"Wait, they still make Mello Yellow?"

Yup. And with the sad demise of Vault Zero, Mello Yello Zero packs the biggest caffeine wallop in a diet soda.

North said...

More than Diet Dew? Too bad that the taste turns me off.

Anonymous said...

Walking around the house on autopilot is not so bad.

Wait till you start driving on autopilot mode.

Jeff Cupp said...

Kroger Diet Dew Drop Extreme!

Scott said...

The measure of how comatose you are is directly proportional to how long it takes you to figure out that you put buttermilk in your coffee.

Anonymous said...

"Wait till you start driving on autopilot mode."

Have to move to a retirement community for that one. Floriduh?

Joanna said...

The measure of how comatose you are is directly proportional to how long it takes you to figure out that you put buttermilk in your coffee.

Oh, blech.

AZMARK said...

I call it condition twilight. You start out to do one thing, wind up somewhere else and wonder "how did I get here?"
Then that tune plays in the back of your mind.

CarlS said...

You actually pay for and drink DIET liquids? When current medical research has shown that they make you gain weight?

North said...

CarlS: Liberty.

If you want to tell me what to drink, Michelle Obama has a job for you.

CarlS said...

Oh yes. I forgot to mention that research - recorded in the Congressional record, no less - shows that the sugar replacements used in most diet drinks also causes neurological damage. Think short and long term memory loss, Alzheimer's, schizophrenia, and so on. Maybe that explains it.

North said...

The science is settled!

CarlS said...

@ North: I didn't tell anyone, uch less you, what to drink. I simply provided some information. Do with it what you will. This is still - somewhat - a free country, and I bled copiously more than once to help keep it that way. Which gives you and me both the right to have separate opinions.

SoupOrMan said...

Condition Beige. Definitely Condition Beige.

wv = pecarie. A javelina with cavities.

Kristopher said...

You let your subconscious do the driving without clear orders.

I'll bet the last thing you were doing while in daydream mode was putting on a pair of socks.

TinCan Assassin said...

Condition French.

Guffaw in AZ said...

I've an old friend who used to reside in coffee shops (pre-Starbucks) and read and drink coffee, incessantly.
(now I'd guess he'd use a laptop)
ANYWAY, he called it Condition GREY.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Beats walking around for 3 hours wondering where you put your glasses, until you glance in a mirror and see that they're on top of your head.....

Anonymous said...

You must have been thinking about being asked out for a date, and just gravitated to the sock drawer...

Mattexian said...

Hmm, Condition Democrat? Condition Zombie? Condition UN baby blue?

Terry said...

It's called condition Brady.

Matt G said...

That's Level Clear, which means that you're also eligible to be a higher level Scientologist, too.

Say hi to Maverick for me, wouldja?

Sigivald said...

Condition Durrrr.

Will said...

Got any yellow socks in that drawer?

Wasn't there a song about a mental state referred to as "Mellow Yellow"?

North said...

Donovan?

The Freeholder said...

Dunno, but you were there.

Jayson said...

Oh, I tried to like Mello Yello Zero, but something just didn't taste right. I stick with coke zero. However, Pepsi One is crunk full of caffeine.

Chuck said...

Condition Black (as in blackd out).

Shamandin said...

Ah, man. That's my normal condition. I can be following a recipe, turn from the counter to the fridge (2 steps away, mind you), open the fridge door and be thinking, "Now, why was I going in here again?"

Fibro-fog can be a pain in the backside.

The good part of it, though ... if I've spaced out on having gone to the range for the week, I can always get some more recoil therapy in ... :D And you'd be surprised how many times this has actually happened... Good thing muscle memory's good enough to log my trips to the range or the round count on some of my weapons would be off by 3 or 4 ... thousand.

Anonymous said...

So your Over The Hill destination for the moment was the sock drawer.

Good thing you came around before you put a pair of socks in the fridge. :-)

BoxStockRacer

bedlamite said...

You'll know there's a problem when you find socks in the refrigerator ...

Tim D said...

Judging by the people I see driving around Atlanta I would call it:

Condition Normal

-Tim D

Brad K. said...

"Yup. And with the sad demise of Vault Zero, Mello Yello Zero packs the biggest caffeine wallop in a diet soda. "

I am not sure, since artificial sweeteners give me stomach cramps. Withdrawal?


This is the down side of concentration and focus. Without due care and connection to a well-balanced life, even healthy people can visit, occasionally, the path that schizophrenic folk tread.

You might try visiting someone retirement age, smile at a baby, and three married people. Take a plate of cookies. Have a vehicle serviced, and chat with the mechanic. Do laundry, do dishes by hand, spend 15 minutes weeding a garden -- yours, a friends, whatever. Find the plans, get the materials, and build a bird feeder. Keep a food and beverage diary for three days, log every garment you put on or take off for a week, take a Yoga class or three, meditate or pray (longer than 15 minutes) daily for a week. Sketch, not photograph, the sunset on two successive days. Go to the nearest mall or Wal-Mart, and walk the outside aisles for 20 minutes or more -- and spot fellow walkers. Greet neighbors until you find one or two that you can assist with some task of theirs; but don't ask until you notice something they are doing or about to undertake.

Memorize the value of pi to several digits, 3.1415926. Check your work. Calculate on paper the square root of 10; it lies between 3 (3*3=9) and 4 (4*4=16). Use "aardvark" usefully in a sentence, in conversation with someone besides Roomy. Count, then reverse the order of the socks in the sock drawer. Find the sheet music to a favorite song, and a penny whistle or soprano recorder (I like the Aulos 803s), and learn to play that song, or a favored song from your church's hymnal, or a Christmas carol (that season is coming, you know). Use another instrument if you have one. Lift your face to the sun and smile at the blessings of life.

Write both your senators and the member of the House of Representatives from your district about a favored concern. High taxes, punitive regulations, corruption in high office, multiculturalism and racism and slanderous accusations, or some other action or policy of the government. Attend a school board meeting, and speak out on an important topic. Attend a city council meeting and take notes -- and compare your notes with the reporting in the local bird cage liner in a letter to the editor; copy the city manager.

Write an actual, handwritten, snail-mail type letter at least three pages (regular handwritten letter notepad sized pages, with margins less than an inch) to a relative. Brush out the coat on a pet (yours or a friend's).

Read something sillier that Robert Frezza's "McLendon's Syndrome" or watch "Nuns on the Run" twice in a row. Do that "Die Hard" thing, stand barefoot on carpet and make fists with your feet. Use your tongue to count your teeth. Count to ten using your fingers; make sure the counts agree.


Enjoy!

Brad K. said...

@ Tam,

Part 2. Sorry.


Breathe out all the way, purse your lips so you can feel any bit of air still escaping, and continue pushing out air as long as you can (about as long as holding your breath). Repeat twice a week.

Imagine repainting your apartment in five colors, with no two adjacent walls being the same color. Model the result with paper models and tole or hobby paints. Leave all floors as they are.

Get a good night's sleep (the longest lived people, in one study, averaged 7 hours and 20 minutes every night). Buy an item of clothing at a Salvation Army thrift store. Sew, knit, crochet, or mend an article of clothing for yourself -- and for someone else. Bring a plant from your garden or someone else's garden for the winter. Peppers are perennials if you don't let them freeze, and tomatoes will last the winter. Rosemary is a good candidate, or try sprouting and planting the heart of a stalk of celery, or a cutting from Impatiens or a rose bush or a tree. Try skin brushing with a natural bristle brush, brushing from the fingers and toes, all over, toward the belly. Use a Neti pot to cleanse the sinuses; if you use someone else's, wash it out really well before and after; it snot funny.

Attend a dance where alcohol isn't served, and dance more than two dances. Find out the names of the parents and grandparents of at least three friends. List your first and second cousins, their children and the ages of each. List the birth places and parent's names of your parents and grandparents. List dates of service for any of the above that served in the armed services. List the occupations of each.

Note that the point isn't the lists, it is making the contacts with people and assuring you know who your family is, and to become aware of the families that formed the friends and coworkers around you.

Roll your eyes. Without moving your head, roll your eyes to the left, then roll all the way around at the limits of where your eyes will roll, staying focused on where your eyes track. Roll a couple of times, then reverse and repeat in the other direction, still without moving the head. Maintain focus at all times, wherever your eyes happen to be pointing. Do some figure-eights in both directions. Hold your toothbrush at arm's length to the side, and from the corner of your eye maintain focus on the brush as you move your arm in small circles; repeat using the other hand/eye.

Then, when you get that done, after breakfast you should get back to work.

Take care!

Justthisguy said...

Condition Old, it's called. I'm 'way ahead of you there, kid, being just into my seventh decade here.

The good news is, that if you practice the skills you care about, you can keep them up unto a ripe old age, like Bob Hoover the aerobatic pilot. The FAA got crossways with him because he let his social skills decay in favor of keeping up his flying skills.

(He was righteously rude to the arrogant young FAA whippersnapper.)